I live in a somewhat rural and closed-minded community. For about a year I was working in a local casino as a waiter before transition. I had been upfront with my employers and co-workers  about my wanting to transition, all SEEMED accepting. I began HRT on the job and all went well for about 6 months. When I reached the point of no longer being able to pass as fully male the problems began. I began being harrassed by the management (i.e. being written up for being sexually inappropriate). I was completely professional when it came to my job so this shocked me and upset me greatly. I became so fed up that I finally quit. After nearly a year of searching I have yet to find a job.

I have finally reached the point where I am cutting my beautiful shoulder-length hair this weekend. I plan to bind my now visible breasts and borrow a friends car so I can go to the next town (a 45 minute drive) to try and find a job. The only reason I am going to these lengths is that I cannot afford HRT anymore. The only way I could even afford to eat was to resort to something I truly regret and can no longer stomach to do.

After nearly two years of transition I am returning to my male personality just to survive. The only people who even associate with me are men who want something sexual. I am feeling so lost and set back that sometimes I curl up in my bed and cannot leave.

The one bright spot has been meeting someone who cares nothing about how I look on the outside. He has been the one person I have met here that sees me for me and doesnt care what people think of him for being my friend. We are both trying to get the hell out of this town but, because of employment issues, cannot.

When I tell my family about my problems all they can say is "then move". Yeah well wouldn't it be nice to be able to move with no money. <Poof>there's a house to move into, <Poof>there's a moving truck to move with, <Poof>there's a job to go to.

It really sucks to have gotten so far and  have to revert. I hate this place, I hate the people here, but what really hurts is I am beginning to hate myself.

HELP!!!!!!

Hey Ginaroxx,

I really feel for you. I wish there were some advice or words of comfort I could offer you. Perhaps the problem is more a matter of you are too well known from before in the town where you live. Are you sure the town you are going to to try and get a job would be able to tell you are TS. If they don't know you from before there is no reason to think you could not get a job as yourself. Just a thought. I don't really know how far along you are or if you have altered your personal documentation so it is really difficult to offer any advice.

If your friend wants to move someplace else with you. Even a job at a fast food place would at least afford you the necessities and with careful saving allow you to move to a place with more opportunity and a more accepting populace. You might also try the state. Most states antidiscrimination laws are sufficient enough that you might be able to get an available position that you qualify for.

Most states have health clinics in every town no matter how small. Perhaps one of these might have a job you could do and would not care about your transition status. Just some ideas. I really don't know what qualifications you have so it's hard to come up with suggestions. Lots of people go to the State unemployment office to collect benefits and get assistance in finding a job. Even if you can't get benefits because you quite they can still help you find a job. For that matter you might apply for a job with the unemplyment office.

You'de be amazed how many unemployed people don't think to apply for a job with the unemployment office. There are a lot of departments with the state and they are all over the state. It's worth a shot. I hope the best for you and that you can find a job as yourself. If you haven't tried some of these things then do so before you abandon your RLT. It is hard, I know. It's hard for all of us. Don't give up on yourself.

Good Luck,

Cassie

Don't you dare hate yourself Gina!

I lived in Fernley, NV for my middle school years so I've some idea what the area is like. (roughly ~15 ago so I'm dated, heh.)

Hrm, employment... that has always been stickler.

You might be able to get away with hair in a ponytail... depends on who to work for though.

Erm, my Dad bounced around jobs for ages mostly in Reno, but also in the various ranches in the area.
Um, perhaps a temp work agency thing... over worked and underpaid but perhaps of value regardless.
Probably the best bet is to head to Reno when you can, I'm not sure what to do about housing though... we lived in Vinton, CA then later Fernley, NV and always commuted to Reno.

Bleh, I am truly sorry you are having problem Gina.

thanx for the concern girlz. I live in Fallon, NV. I'm 26 and my only experience is in retail management and secretarial work. Not much to work with but it's something. as for how far along i am in my transition...lets just say that if i cut my hair and bound my breasts then i could pass for an extremely effeminate gay man. kinda hard to find a job still in this town.

IMO a visit to a civil rights/discrimination attorney might be in order. I would do this for the purpose of finding out if a former employer crossed any lines. People to ought to be able to get a free initial consultation from an attorney to see if one has a valid claim and to find out whether it would be worth persuing the claim in court.

good luck!

If you could move to N. Calif i am sure i can get you a job here. I can offer you housing and food for helping me. I work as a live-in caregiver for an elderly woman. below is a post i wrote about needing a helper.

LIVE-IN "caregiver position" N. Calif. 200 miles N. San fran


I am seeking a full time fairly passable TS woman (please no CD's, etc., just TS) to take over my position.  You should have a drivers license. You should have female identity. If you don't you should plan on getting it here in Calif.

The woman I take care of is 82 years old. She has a 30 second memory. She is very sweet. She has two daughters. Her daughters are basically wonderful hippy daughters. They now pay me $1000.00 a month and have given me the master bedroom. ( so presently it is just me and their Mom of 82).
The daughters live 20 minutes and 3 hours away respectively. They also give me 200.00 a month for food which works with the prices around here and because the 82 year old Mom doesn't eat much. The pay is under the table. They also give 100.00 for fuel each month for the car they provide. 25.00 of that is for toiletry articles. All utilities are paid.

The home is situated on 8 acres with wonderful vegetable gardens and fruit trees and grape vines etc etc etc
SEE ===> http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/gardencapa0/my_garden/ .

The home is 1 mile from town. Eventually you would be allowed to have a soulmate share with you. There is a 27 year old guy here who does work on the property.  he lives in a separate building but he uses the house for cooking and bathing and watching TV. He works in town 40 hours a week. He is nice and totally safe.

The area is mostly surrounded by forest and there are no red lights for 60 miles north and 70 miles south. This is the coastal redwood forest region. http://www.laspilitas.com/comhabit/California_Redwood_Forest.html

With this job you can ""earn experience"" which can take you further in this career. I hear in Florida they pay almost 100.00 a day for "experienced" live-in caregivers.

The job is basically a 24/7 job as you need to stay here but the daughters may fill in and allow you to get away for a few days.

For someone with no experience who is healthy and willing to smoke cigarettes outside and only drink after the 82 year old mother goes to bed at approximately 7pm PST, then it could be a chance in gaining wonderful experience. The Mom usually wakes up at 7am (she takes a sleeping pill each night)

If you like the rural life and organic gardening and clean air and a location that never freezes all year long where you can grow vegetables all year round then this could be the job for you.

After you have proven yourself with grace and kindness and respect for the Mom and after you have a decent responsible soulmate or partner you could also get a job in town and share the live-in position. This area has many openings because it seems many around here have work they do on their large tracts of land. Most of the people around here own from 20 to 40 to 60 to 80 to 120 acre parcels of land. There are very few rentals. Having a place to stay around here is the most valuable thing for a poor newcomer to this area.

There is also a woman's shelter here and a good food bank and many other support systems. There are also many artist and sculpture's, etc., which have shows in town each month.

The area was basically inhabited with hippies from the 1960s so they are very open minded with a scattering of old families who use to do logging. The local radio station is www.kmud.org

If you have hard drug issues or issues of irresponsibility you best not reply. I am seeking a responsible person to train and have them eventually take over my position. In the beginning your pay will be partly room and board with some spending money, you will be getting a part time job in town and after a few months I will share some of my pay with you as you prove yourself to me. If you get SSI or disability, etc., this is OK and getting a job in town will not be required.

PS: This home has direct TV and can be quickly hooked up to DSL cable. I am using dialup presently. I have been here a year myself. I came here from the local woman's shelter. I am spiritual but not religious. I happen to be a 7 year post op lesbian identified woman who has been basically a celibate since GRS and I will more than likely stay that way.

Please respond to me at either DANIELEGRLatYAHOOdotCOM OR JUSTDANIELEGRLatAOLdotCOM

ME = http://hometown.aol.com/danielegrl/myhomepage/daniellenew.jpg

Gina, Alexandra is right "a visit to a civil rights/discrimination attorney might be in order"
I know its not a nice thing to complain but if you dont stand up for yourself you will regret it later. DO NOT REVERT BACK TO THE WAY YOU WERE BEFORE move if you have to, there are jobs with organizations that are founded by TG people for TG people, you just need to broaden your search.

Sara.

Hello Gina,

            I remember when you first came out to your job at the Casino and how hopeful you were that they all would accept you. The world can be cruel and that certainly includes Fallon. Fallon is a difficult town for anyone to progress in, Reno would be a better place for you. I know it's 45min away but maybe you could commute for a bit, then eventually move when you could. Just don't give up, there is a place for you in this world, a wonderful place where you can be yourself and be happy. I know you will find it soon.

beth

Sorry to read about your troubles.

I have been there as well except I transitioned and then untransitioned in place.  I vowed to rebuild my life the best I could so I would not have to go through that again.  I mostly did just that.  I can scrape by now and that is a big change from back then when I had to stop HRT and all because of the cost.

Good luck to you and please keep us posted.

Hugs

Keep it up dont quit transition for nothing gina

Hi Gina, since it's been about 4 months since you posted this, would you mind giving us an update at this point?

Melissa

I'm not sure where you live but if there is a Cingular call center near where you live, you should try  to apply. The pay is good and the benefits are great. The health insurance even covers a "significant other". They are the most TG freindly place I have seen. We have a few TG Men & women here at the call center. The company is TG freindly but the people take a while to get used to you. I myself am a closet TG, mostly beacuase of family issues and church issues. But you should look into it. Good luck sis.

Marisol