On monday i have my second therapy session and i am submisive and super shy. Obviously we are going to talk about my life and how i feel along with my preference regarding sex. I do not know how to say what i am in to because i am a very private person.

Basically sex in my life has been me being dominated in some way. When i was with women i would usually be rode and lately pegged. The men would do what most men do and i've always loved it and the orgasmns where out of this world. Something no woman was able to provide to me. Also, my exwife and i had multiple threesomes and more than once i met the guy at his place to have sex. I really did not count it as cheating because we had group sex. Please do not judge me.

I know that all i need to do is open my mouth and say it,  but it seems so damn hard. I feel silly telling someone that i am submissive and prefer to bottom. The last time i did the "guy" role i felt so stupid and could not finish. If there isn't a penis involved i can't do it. it just isn't me.

Any advice would begreatly appriciated.

Can you explain why you need to talk about your preferred sex positions and activities with your therapist? Is it relevant to what you're working on?

Quote from: suzifrommd on November 07, 2015, 04:37:30 AM
Can you explain why you need to talk about your preferred sex positions and activities with your therapist? Is it relevant to what you're working on?

Internalized homophobia or transphobia?

During these past 6 years of seeing a therapist, the last 2 of which a for real gender therapist I think the subject of sex has come up perhaps 2-3 times? I never really got the Guy's Gone Wild, Howard Stern stuck in the 6th grade thing. It's OK but not the prime focus filling the minutes of my day.

I know I still carry a more shame then I should and have internalized transphobia. Yet it never bothered me at all how I liked/loved being on the bottom. It allows me to totally get into my fantasy of being the woman with the totally feeling good parts and totally forgetting for a while about the dangly bits.

I too am typically reserved.  I had my first therapy session yesterday and on my way home I kept scolding myself for not bringing up one topic or another and stuff that I honestly didn't think of.

So when I got home I immediately started to write them down.  Each and every thing, no matter how significant or insignificant, it's in writing.  That helps me in two ways  - first, I wrote it down, it's out in the open (even though it's private) I've written it, I've read it, and not it's real.  Second, I intend to bring the list to my next session and I'm going to read it.  How do I know I'm not going to chicken out?  I'm going to tell the therapist I wrote the list down she'll ask me for it.

BTW - I'm at TWO PAGES of narrow margins of things I want to say.  Just writing them down makes me feel better too.

With my therapist, she asked me who I picture dating post transition and I said "Probably guys." And that was pretty much the end of it.

She put me in contact with a Social Work professor at a university I am thinking about attending. He's also a therapist and when I came out to him and was discussing my situation, he straight up asked me what my sexuality would be post transition. I said "I'd be a straight woman." He replied "So you've thought about that?" I nodded and said "I know I'm not a gay man. I find some men attractive but would want them to find me appealing as a woman, not in this man body that I hate." He said that is very common among transwoman and we moved on to another topic.

I guess my point is that your sexuality and gender are 2 different things. Unless there's an important reason, or your therapist gets off on sex chat, I don't imagine they would dwell on it.

Have been seeing my therapist for six odd months, sex has only come up once.Early on she asked where my sexual preference lie, i.e. was I attracted to men or women. I replied honestly " I'm attracted to women". That being said I have experimented with men in the past and although it was troubling to me at one time I came to terms with the behavior a long time ago. Discovered being with a man as my female self was only a way to affirm my real gender.  Ended up coming to terms with the whole thing and figured out I really have zero sexual attraction to men and was engaging in the behavior because "that's what girls do". I have never felt the need to bring it up with my therapist although if she was to ever ask I would discuss it with her. I guess the point I'm trying to make is to answer your therapist's questions honestly, but you only need to go in to greater detail about your sexual activities if you find them troubling in any way.

If you're there for gender issues and not sexuality ones, all you really need to say is which gender you see yourself with in the future, even if that's both. Submissive or dominant doesn't actually preclude being male or female, e.g. I ID as male but also as sub; others would be happier on the top.

That said if you feel like you need to discuss those issues in therapy you should, but only if you feel comfortable. 

My therapist asked me about my sexual preference on my first session with her.  To preface, I am very open with little that I cannot openly state.  That is one area where I am confused...not sure and so I simply stated it like that.  It was really an off topic and it came up in a non prying way, she was simply curious.

If you state to your therapist that "sexual" is an area you are not comfortable delving in to at present, they should respect that as a boundary and drop it...just my take.  Remember that your therapist is YOURS and what you are discussing with them is between the two of you.  They should be a safe place to test pushing your boundaries.

Just take it slow. Your therapist is there to help you... and go at your pace. Truth be told... some of us feel the same way. We just can't talk about it for much of the same reasons. I have talked to my therapist about sex but, it was by my choosing to do so. It amazed me how nothing that came out of my mouth fazed my therapist. My therapist was also not judgmental at all making it even easier to open up to her. Don't feel silly because you feel the way you do. We have have our skeletons

I know how you feel, it is hard to be open and honest with someone. A therapist is there to help you cope with things in your life, not to judge you. I am sure the therapist has heard some crazy things, so don't worry. They are not going to be judgmental to you for being open. Just be honest and open up, they can't help unless they know what they're working with.

I asked my second therapist what she thought my sexuality was. When she was done I re-asked her and she said heterosexual. I said I agree. Until that day I had struggled with my sexuality all my life. I was ashamed of my gender and sexuality. For some reason from that moment on I accepted who I am and am not ashamed.

Your sexual experiences are nothing to be ashamed of. If fact it sounds pretty normal. 

Thanks for the input everyone. I really don't think it is her business personally. This should be about myself not my sexual preference. I do get the vibe that she wants to explore my preference and not how i identify.

I just do not want to go to therapy for three months and be told no hrt. I actually have an insurance plan that covers transgender care with unlimmited coverage. 

Quote from: Vkc on November 07, 2015, 10:15:37 PM
Thanks for the input everyone. I really don't think it is her business personally. This should be about myself not my sexual preference. I do get the vibe that she wants to explore my preference and not how i identify.

I just do not want to go to therapy for three months and be told no hrt. I actually have an insurance plan that covers transgender care with unlimmited coverage. 

If that's the case, I have extreme concerns about this therapist.

BTW, therapy is NOT a requirement for HRT according to the WPATH guidelines. On page 28 of the WPATH Standards of Care v7.0, in BIG BOLD LETTERS:

Psychotherapy Is Not an Absolute Requirement for Hormone Therapy

(http://www.wpath.org/uploaded_files/140/files/Standards%20of%20Care,%20V7%20Full%20Book.pdf)

Your therapist's job is only to screen you for referral. She should be giving you therapy only if you ask for it. If she insists, I suggest finding another therapist who follows the WPATH guidelines.

Quote from: suzifrommd on November 08, 2015, 04:47:45 AM
If that's the case, I have extreme concerns about this therapist.

BTW, therapy is NOT a requirement for HRT according to the WPATH guidelines. On page 28 of the WPATH Standards of Care v7.0, in BIG BOLD LETTERS:

Psychotherapy Is Not an Absolute Requirement for Hormone Therapy

(http://www.wpath.org/uploaded_files/140/files/Standards%20of%20Care,%20V7%20Full%20Book.pdf)

Your therapist's job is only to screen you for referral. She should be giving you therapy only if you ask for it. If she insists, I suggest finding another therapist who follows the WPATH guidelines.

I am in contact with my insurance company's trangender representative, because my therapist seems to want me to start crossdressing even though i informed her that it makes my GD worse. I do not understand why she would want me to. Wearing women's clothing only reassures exactly how screwed up i am. I also informed her that I was going to start wearing a gaff so that my boy parts would stop bothing me and she asked what it was. I am sure that i am seeing a ftm and not a mtf expirienced therapist.

I try not to judge, but at times it seems only resonable to ensure that i keep myself safe. I do not want another suicide attempt because of depression.

Quote from: Vkc on November 09, 2015, 11:39:59 PM
I am in contact with my insurance company's trangender representative, because my therapist seems to want me to start crossdressing even though i informed her that it makes my GD worse.

Just because someone calls themselves a therapist and has a degree doesn't mean they actually know what is best for their patients or that they necessarily have any competence as a therapist. Please keep that in mind as you decide whether this is the right person to guide you in your journey.

Quote from: suzifrommd on November 10, 2015, 05:46:10 AM
Just because someone calls themselves a therapist and has a degree doesn't mean they actually know what is best for their patients or that they necessarily have any competence as a therapist. Please keep that in mind as you decide whether this is the right person to guide you in your journey.

I just got off the phone from my insurance company... Really i just got off the phone with my transgender specialist who advised me that she is the "Transgender Queen!" I am so happy to finally have some damn answers. There is no  way that i am waiting until February to start hormones. I am calling tomarrow to set an appointment with the endo and therapist she recommended.

You just helped change this girls life!