Looking for advice, and some real life experiences from people in the same situation.

So we have a 8 month old girl, she has seen me as a women - she had a very confused look, but I'm slowly presenting as female to get her use to it.  I understand it takes time, I do notice she acts differently when I'm in "guy mode" versus me.  Don't get as many baby smiles   She still needs to get use to it.

My wife asked me a question that I only knew half the answer.  She asked me if I wanted my daughter to call my daddy (dad), or what.  I told her probably not daddy.  Then we just had some awkward silence.  I know my transition period is going to take a while, and going full time is still a bit away.

My question, and advice seeking is this.  Do your kids refer to you as mom or dad?  When did you start having them refer to you as mom (before full-time/during transition, or after)?

What I do know, when my wife tells our daughter, "look at daddy", "do you see daddy", I get a little sad.  But I'm just not sure how to approach the situation, or timing for something like this.

Thanks in advance!  Looking for to see what people have to say.

My son calls me dad,and I'm proud of him. He is transgender and trying too find himself,I found out by accident which saddened me that he could not talk too me,we've done a lot of talking since then.My son has seen me dressed since he was 9 and thought it was cool having a daddy mom.

If your daughter is 8 months old, you've got quite a while to figure out what you want to do before she'll even register transition as a change. If you change what you want her to call you, that may take a bit for her to get used to, but at 8 months the concept of gender really is not yet developed, and it'll be a few more years before she develops the sense that gender is constant.

Right now, it's possible she doesn't recognize you as well when you're wearing unfamiliar clothes or otherwise changing your appearance, but her developing brain isn't yet capable of being aware that you're expressing a different gender.

My wife and I are working on moving our kids (ages between 2 and 9) from calling me "Dad" to something "Mom"-like. Exactly what is TBD, and will come down to what works well to distinguish she and I without being cumbersome. We made this switch very shortly after I went full-time and started using a female name.

Initially, I had thought I'd just encourage them to keep calling me "Dad," but a couple things came up that made this much less appealing. One is simply that it's hard for my wife to reconcile calling me "Dad" with using feminine pronouns and seeing me as female. The other is that, while I don't mean to be super secretive about my trans identity even if it becomes possible to do so, I don't want to have attention drawn to it except when I feel it's appropriate. Presenting female, using a female name, and then having one of my kids call me "Dad" is likely to interfere with that goal.

My kids are 4, they call me dad but that will change later on. It gets awkward in public

My kids were grown when I transitioned so they simply use my name in pubic. I still hear mom or myname used alternately in private though. An 8 month old will accept you fine. You may choose to be called something of a pet name or 'mom' in  another language. The only thing wrong is that mom in any language is similiar.

Thanks for the advice, and your experiences.  My wife brought it up again, and she suggested two ideas; Aunt Kaylee (turned that down real fast, I'm not an Aunt ), and just calling me Kaylee.  I don't know about that ... doesn't feel like I'm a parent, and I'm just one of my wives friends, or something.

I feel bad asking to just be called mom, or mommy ... My wife is the mother, she gave birth to her, etc...  I wouldn't want to step on her toes, and also doesn't feel right.

Man, this one is tough.  I'll have to make a note to bring this out up with my therapist and get her input.

Quote from: iKate on November 01, 2015, 05:43:39 AM
My kids are 4, they call me dad but that will change later on. It gets awkward in public

That would be a little awkward in public.  What were you planning to be called?

So, I'm in a similar situation. Our daughter just turned 7 weeks old.  I started transitioning halfway through the pregnancy though, so she's only ever seen me as me. I don't wear wigs and I use only a little makeup, so my appearance doesn't change that much day to day.

I go full-time at the first of the year and that will be that. With a name change in the works, the gender marker will be soon to follow. Once it's official like that, then I'll have legit ground for having our daughter call me whatever we can agree on, and all before she starts talking probably.

Right now? We're going with Baba (bah bah, like a sheep). It's like Dada and Mama, but my wife doesn't feel like I'm usurping her name options, and I don't feel like it's overly masculine.

Eventually, I'm hoping to go by Mommy-K when she's old enough to reason through it. My wife would then be Mommy-J, mom, mommy, mama, everything else. I just want that shred if she can part with it. Eventually, I'm presuming our daughter will only ever know me as the woman I am, so hopefully she'll be comfortable using any of those terms with me as well.

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Quote from: gamerchic_kaylee on November 01, 2015, 06:52:15 PM

That would be a little awkward in public.  What were you planning to be called?

That is the million dollar question. I do not know.

My therapist suggested something in a foreign language meaning mom or dad. But I couldn't think of anything. I mean, I don't speak any Indian language even though I am of that ethnicity.

I would like to be called mom or mama but that would probably seriously upset my wife. The kids very often almost always slip and call me mom before "correcting" themselves to "dad."

I honestly don't have a clue and I feel I will be explaining this to them for a lifetime.

The other day in the store, a woman gave a confused look and referred to us as their "mommies." I was moving the kids out of the way for someone to pass by with her cart. The woman said, "listen to your mommies." I was like wut... well there could be a few explanations. One is that since there are 3 of them the woman thought that they were from different families. Or maybe she thought we were a same sex couple. Or maybe she "got" that I was trans but that is unlikely because people who read me as trans would refer to me as daddy anyway.

I'm not sure that M2F + F couples are such a special case.

There are families with two (cis) women as parents.

In some cases, the women get together before the children come, in some cases, afterwards.

What do they do?

I have twins with an age of 1,5 years and they call me mom like her other mom. They have two moms. I transitioned during the time of her birth. As the other mom I was in the delivery room during. I often pick them up from the Kindergarden as the mom of them.They know about my past but overall I live stealth.

Than they are older they will learn more about my transition. Thery are still pictures in our house which show me as man.

Do not make it more complex as it is. If the childs grow up with two moms it is just natural for them. There are enough gay couples with childs. The only difference is that I am the biological father and I am not gay.

Our kids call me dad and as they are teenagers, that will not likely change anytime soon but i am ok with that and probably more than ok, it makes me smile. I guess i'm ok with being a woman dad. I think it is a lot different with older children. They never knew me as very masculine in dress or mannerism, but they also have not seen me present as female as i have in the last couple of years.

However my youngest as said moppa a few times because she apparently saw it on a series with a TG character. The one on Amazon, i forget the title but i watched a couple episodes this summer too. My daughter also has helped me with makeup and my "girl voice"

It would be awesome to a mom's day card someday. It's more important that my wife correctly genders me and we continue to work on that.

My little daughter at age 11 knows very well the social meanings of my wearing women's clothes in public. She is careful in calling me any pronoun, and sometimes she calls me as aunt. 

But she is not always so much careful. While I am wearing bikini in the public beach, my little daughter at age 11 suddenly shouts "Daddy! Daddy!" with a big smile. It is embarrassing for a moment, but what can I do here?



barbie~~