Hello! I'm a 20-year-old FtM boy from France, looking for advice and friendship, at least some people to talk too
My pronouns are He/His.
I love video games, reading, watching Netflix, learning, ... I like to draw and sometimes to paint
Thanks to my best friend who is genderqueer, I discovered the non-binarity and I joined a Facebook group about it. I thought a lot about it, as I have always felt some emptiness in me, as if I was missing something, living always in a disguise, which made me feel different and ununderstood... It was last May and since then I thought a lot and spoke a lot about it with my friend and my boyfriend. I remembered some events of my childhood and puberty that I had forgotten. I remembered some feeling an thoughts I had forbidden myself to have, and I slowly understood what was happening since I was born. I am a boy, not a girl. I had blinded myself so I would believe the lie everybody tell, but the fact was there: I am a boy. At first, I thought about non-binarity, but that wasn't it, I was always doubting, trying to fit in labels that aren't the good ones for me... It was like trying to fit in clothes that weren't the good size, it felt bad. Finally, I admit it, about a month ago, and now I am here ^^"
I've wearing a packer (Mr Limpy if I remember right) since early June this year and the day I first wore it is one of the best of my life, I cried in front of the mirror in my boyfriend's bathroom for like forever, as if I was finally being a little bit more myself, as if I was putting the disguise down.
I have a very few friends that knows about me being a boy : my boyfriend knows about it, he is living the closest to me and we have been together for a long time. My bestfriend knows a lot, but is living far away for college and I having trouble speaking open-hearted with him as we don't see us often
but we write each other letters and I plan to come out in my next one, as he did the same and it seems the right way to do it for me ^^ My girlfriend too knows a little about it as she is living far away and we met each other little time ago. My little brother knows some stuff as he is the kind of people that observe and try to understand everything, I know he guessed part of it and that he will remain silent about it.
Sorry if that was long, I didn't know what to write at first, then I was writing a novel x) and sorry for my english, I'm willing to improve it !
And, about my name, Derpy, it is a tribute to a character in My Little Pony, a show that I really like and which gives me courage everyday, whether it comes from the community or the show
Love you all <3
