Hi guy's

I have a curious quistion I have been back on hormones for 5 days and as usual the noise starts dying down I am mtf and still presenting as male. When I don't use hormones I have this nagging noise in my head as if my brein receptors does not want to accept testosterone. I am constantly aware of my gender. When I run on E it is as if everything is just doing what they are supposed to do my brein is running on the right fuel and I don't feel that pressure to conform to any gender I feel as if my gender awareness dies down and everything is working in harmony as if my gender is not a problem maybe this is what cis people experience that is why it is so hard to understand what we are going through. What was your experience when you use hormones.

There have been several periods throughout my life when I started low dose HRT to "Stop the noise" as you put it. I called it a brain reset. At those times I had given up on any thought of transition and was resigned to trying to be a normal(ish) guy. Stopping HRT was always preceeded by things not working so well below the belt. Which is a direct contradiction to being a guy. But the "Reset" was completed weeks earlier. Of course, like other wishes it wasn't a permanent fix and the cycle repeated several years later.

When I decided 6 years ago to take on the trans-beast for real, I also had a few WTF am I doing periods. Got depressed, stopped HRT and the death spiral of even more depression and anxiety came. The longest was about 2 months before I had to admit I was only kidding myself. I really do need it if I never want to be that lifeless soulless thing I was again and wanted to continue to enjoy feeling alive

I mentioned the brain noise ( the silence was deafening)  to my therapist once and asked is this how Cis people feel. She said we will never know because we are not cis and have no comparison. I would bet anything cis never had the noise in their head.

I recently posted the link on day of remembrance observations from here and in that post I touched on this. Cis people can never understand what goes on in our heads and we can never no what goes on in theirs. For that matter, no one can know how or if the way other people perceive the color yellow is different from their way of perceiving it. What if everyone sees their favorite color in the same way? Your favorite might be blue and mine orange but what if they both look like what Cait Jenner sees as purple in her head? U fortunately, your question can never really be answered.

Quote from: Dee Marshall on November 07, 2015, 08:17:49 PM
I recently posted the link on day of remembrance observations from here and in that post I touched on this. Cis people can never understand what goes on in our heads and we can never no what goes on in theirs. For that matter, no one can know how or if the way other people perceive the color yellow is different from their way of perceiving it. What if everyone sees their favorite color in the same way? Your favorite might be blue and mine orange but what if they both look like what Cait Jenner sees as purple in her head? U fortunately, your question can never really be answered.

Sidenote: people do see colour differently! This is how i might explain gender to my mother lol. My brothers are colourblind - they see red, green and brown as the same colour. There's actually a range of perceptions of colour based on cone numbers in the eye. Some people can see a greater number of shades within the 7-colour spectrum than others can, some can only see four or five of those seven. It's actually a really good analogy for trans and non-binary.