It's sad but I feel forced to stay quiet. I have more the last week. It sucks to feel like I have to stay quiet, be a boy and never let anyone know. People are so mean, judgmental and not understanding and I made it up before Id never transition and instead wait till heaven when this would all be changed right. Fact is I am willing to wait it out. Im not suicidal or anything. If I could take my finger and go snap and be right, I would.

It's that people want to attack transgender people so quick and I just dont want to be the brunt of such bullying even though I have been bullied before some. Id never wish for anyone to have to deal with this. One day, it will all be right. I give it over to God and Jesus and say hey I know you will make this right for me.

Everyday I face this and I just dont want to hurt anymore. Again Im not suicidal, I just want to put it away and not face it. That however is not easy to do.

I am 64 years old, had my surgery in 1982 at the age of 30 and have lived about 35 years as a woman. I have treated others with respect and they have treated me the same. I have never been attacked as a woman and I know there are times I haven't passed as well as I needed to. Like any woman, I avoid places that are dangerous but I have seen a good deal of the country on vacations and mostly have been employed earning good money. My story can be heard all over this web site as many others live lives much like mine.

It is your decision if you transition or not but i know you will never be happy without facing who you are. I couldn't transition any younger because the care didn't exist to help me. You have the ability to escape the pain as soon as you face your problem. I hope you do but you are the only one who can decide to do it.

I don't know how old you are but I made that same resolution to wait it out for god when I was 10. The problem I ran into is that every crisis of faith I've ever had brings on very intense dysphoria, regret, shame, etc. I was hospitalized once with my "death anxiety." Questioning what happens after death is a crippling experience for most people, but tying in your gender identity into it as well will break you eventually.

I joined an LGBT friendly church. There are a lot of them around, UCC, MCC. Mine is Unitarian Universalist. I'm out to everyone and they treat me with a great deal of respect. Our pastor is letting me help lead a Transgender Day of Remembrance service.

I don't know if there are any place like that near you, but it's worth looking into.