Are you able to remember the very first time the thought  came into your head when you knew or felt that you were a girl. The circumstances surrounding my revelation was when I was 4 years old which is the only reason I can remember anything from that age, I was in my room which I shared with my two sisters . We lived in a converted second floor of my dads fathers house. I for some reason started sneaking into my sisters dresser and trying on her clothes and sleeping with them. That was the first time. I thought the clothes were incredibly beautiful. Or if you were older how did that thought come into your head.

How could I ever forget...

Kindergarten. As an innocent kid I only wanted to play nicely and with nice things. That is, to socialize with girls at girls' corners. Got bashed away by girls. Got bashed by boys for 'annoying' girls. That marked start of series of bullying at kindergarten. The most remembered moments being broken arm, a broken tooth and drowning in deep sea. That was about age 5-7. The rest is my life story, shan't expand for it is a long one.

The headline today is I am proud to be alive and marginally sane.

I remember when my sister was in ballet she had an old tutu she never wore anymore but still had in her closet. I was about 6 or so and when I wore it I never felt so graceful in my life. I also loved playing with my sister's polly pockets while she wasn't noticing and I made them be ninja princesses that kicked butt... lol

Though apparently my mom told me in Kindergarten I dressed up as a girl for a costume party at school and I had to switch classes because the other kids made fun of me. I actually don't even remember that, but that was probably the earliest experience I had with gender identity and being a girl. Of course my mom thought it was a phase and tried to brainwash me since. Looks like she failed because I still feel like a girl...

Quote from: Martine A. on November 08, 2015, 11:59:23 PM
How could I ever forget...

Kindergarten. As an innocent kid I only wanted to play nicely and with nice things. That is, to socialize with girls at girls' corners. Got bashed away by girls. Got bashed by boys for 'annoying' girls. That marked start of series of bullying at kindergarten. The most remembered moments being broken arm, a broken tooth and drowning in deep sea. That was about age 5-7. The rest is my life story, shan't expand for it is a long one.

The headline today is I am proud to be alive and marginally sane.

I was bullied for crying all the time in 1st grade on. My nick name was tiny tears.

I look at my avatar now and see clearly why I never fit

Quote from: stephaniec on November 09, 2015, 12:10:39 AM
I was bullied for crying all the time in 1st grade on. My nick name was tiny tears.

Hey, I love crying too. Used every emotional opportunity to do so. But my father 'took care' of that. I would be beaten until I stopped crying, because that is 'not what boys do'.

At least now I can cry all I want. Not much change will be brought there by HRT. I think HRT mostly helps people discover things about their minds. It doesn't really change them.

being on estrogen I just went through a lot of tissue reading about Janet Mock's wedding

I'm not sure if I remember the earliest but in primary school I used to try and hang out with girls instead and it generally went much better than trying to hang out with boys.

One thing my mum told me though is that I've always hated my hair being cut, even as a toddler!

She showed me a picture of when I was around 3 and it looked like any other girl. I even had a dress on but she didn't tell me where I got it

  Six. The playground admonitions back in the late 1950's of those "Homos" and "Drag Queens" being institutionalized and me being the shortest and thinnest kid in my class back then kept me from admitting that. My mom did put me in a dress for Halloween  at age 9 after discovering me trying out her clothes about a year earlier. She thought it was a phase. I came out to her in 1977, 2 years after serving in the Navy and I saw my first shrink for that.

Joelene

Yes Halloween, I'll always remember in like 4th grade for Halloween everyone in in school would dress up and this one time I can't get out of my brain. One of my male class mates had on this really pretty dress and I kept staring at him and wishing I had the guts to do that publicly. I just have never forgotten that.

I believed myself to be a girl from the start and felt very hurt and dismayed when my mom and sisters pointed and laughed as they told me I could never be a girl and wouldn't be getting a new dress

Then I was told that from then on I would have to take my bath alone and that they were going to make a man out of me

My parents got tired of me dressing in my sisters clothes so they moved me from the bedroom I shared with them to the dining room next to where they slept in the front room. I lost my easy access to their wardrobe.

  We did have one guy show up in a dress, earrings and makeup for Halloween day in elementary school. Everybody thought he was cool anyway due to his laid back demeanor. His twin sister got the brunt though. She was the designated "Cootie girl" and was teased through Junior High. We both did see shrinks at the same hospital at the same time for not getting along with others. I met her at the hospital once with her parents. I wondered what happened to her over the years.
  My sisters were too small as I was the oldest. Their clothes were safe. Me and my brother was downstairs in the same room with the dog anyway.

Joelene

 I knew I wanted to be a girl from quite little, 5 or 6?

I remember thinking about what it would be like if I had a twin sister who looked like me? Or how I wish I had a female best friend who would be totally awesome and into all the same things I was. What if I was a girl?

I was also old enough to think that this was wrong and I best keep it to myself and maybe it'd go away 

Certainly before I went to school. I used to hope that I would go to sleep and wake up a girl.

At nursery school I played with the girls then I was sent to an all boys school

 I was 5 at the earliest that I remember. I was ashamed of those feelings but they wouldn't leave me no matter how hard I tried. Sneaking into mom's clothes was great on one hand it was distressing in another. My sisters clothes were safe cause she was a tom boy.

I was 4 the first time I remember noticing I was different. I used to play with girls in Primary school, wear girls clothes when around at their houses etc. My parents should have known I was different when they picked me up from a girl friends house when we were 6 and I came flying downstairs wearing her bright pink tutu and her mothers heels lol.

I'm 21 now and I haven't changed haha

around age 4 ish my sister and I played together and she dressed me up with her clothes. I had long blonde wavy hair at the time and ppl confused me for a girl (which I loved it) way until age 9 ish.

Perhaps my earliest memory of feeling like a grl for real was around age 5 ish. My girl friend and I would play we were policewomen together --so random. Hahaha.

around age 3 , my parents took a picture of me wearing my mom's high heel shoes and some clothes. On my album it is written "You like to wear mom's clothes". I continued to do so at 12 yo and up but this time i was conscious about what i was doing and to me it was wrong,  boys dont wear girls clothes.
I always felt i was different from boys at school, felt uncomfortable with them ( it was always harder for me to fit with them, not natural).  When i came out to my parents at 23 yo, they would never have thought i was trans, ive always been good at hiding it.  I however always been copping who i was truly inside, i thought that after starting HRT the fight from being a boy or being a girl would be over but i was wrong.. this is what almost killed me this weekend. I need to stop to fight it but i am to used to do so.

yea it's hard when you keep fighting. I fought for so long thinking I could stop the fight but finally figure way too late that it was impossible for me to do  so. I did try hard.