Wow, first of all, I really want to thank each and every one of you that replied to my post. The outpouring of love on this site is overwhelming. You really make someone feel like family here and for that, I thank you. I have learned so much just reading through each and every ones story. My heart aches for all of you whose family turned their backs on you and for the one who said, God doesnt make mistakes, they are right. He made each and every one of you exactly as you should be. Including my son. I guess I need to get used to calling him that. It will be very hard for a while but when it gets hard or frustrating or I just want my daughter back, I will remember the sentence Cindy wrote at the very beginning of this post. She wrote "Visiting an adult transman and his family is a lot more fun than placing flowers on the grave of a dead child." and thank you for that Cindy because you are 100% right. I couldnt live with myself if I ever even had a tiny thought that I contributed to my child's suicide.
Each of you has said something for me to take away with me...
"Important things to remember from people on Susan's Place
-Talk to and endocrinologist and a gender therapist
Cindy said- Visiting an adult transman and his family is a lot more fun than placing flowers on the grave of a dead child.
Tatsuo said- I want to let you know ... the fact that she told you... means she has a lot of trust in you. A handful whom inform their parents of them being LGBT are kicked out of the house and treated as if they are sub-human and this is so wrong
Sasha-Grace said- First, as has been said; sexual orientation and gender are separate entities.
Debora said- My parents just told me I was crazy and threatened to send me to a mental institution. But that was a long time ago and there is more information available now. Oh, and my parents doing that didn't make it go away. It just made me very good at hiding it and leaves me to deal with it now when life is a whole lot more complicated.
The cause isn't definitively proven but there is really strong evidence that it's due to hormonal influences in the womb that cause the brain to develop along either a male or female pattern. Once a person is born these patterns are set and medical science has not found any way to change them. There are dozens of peer reviewed studies that have been done on this and that are available on the Internet.
If he is transgender that's not surprising at all. Lots of us here grew up a long time ago and knew our identity intrinsically in a time when there was zero media and no information available. We may not have used the same words since no common vocabulary existed but the fundamental knowledge of self was there.
Clarabrown said- Genital dysphoria is also a different thing. Maybe your boy is perfectly fine with his genitals and doesn't want any kind of surgical intervention. That is perfectly fine.
If I were you I wouldn't worry about medical tratments yet, whether is it hormones or surgical interventions. Some people live all their life without them just fine. Just make sure your boy is comfortable and loved for who he truly is. That's probably all he needs at this moment.
Quote from: Deborah on Today at 07:54:54 am
The cause isn't definitively proven but there is really strong evidence that it's due to hormonal influences in the womb that cause the brain to develop along either a male or female pattern. Once a person is born these patterns are set and medical science has not found any way to change them. There are dozens of peer reviewed studies that have been done on this and that are available on the Internet.
Psychology has also not found a way to make it disappear. That really isn't surprising because if the brain structure develops along a different path than the sex then there is really nothing wrong with their mind at all, other than it doesn't match the body.
This is perfect. So spot on.
Peep says- It's great that you're here because educating yourself is absolutely the most useful thing you can do, especially as your child isn't necessarily old enough to face all the reading alone (if you come across anything that seems like scaremongering, cross reference it or bring it here to double check). It helps to put away a lot of worries early on if you have the facts.
CindyJones says: One thing that has not been talked about is your child's future life. I shall address your child as he/him/his/son since that is his self identified gender at this point. No one wants to face this much less go through all the steps to take effective action. It is difficult. The public is not on board in our society. And sometimes, it is all so overwhelming. I can tell you that your son can have a good life. I know several good men who have transitioned into wonderful and successful human beings. If not distracted by the dysphoria, your son may pursue a college education or advanced training. He can secure a good job. He can marry. None of these things are prevented by treatment. They all are hindered by not addressing it
I am glad that you are posting here. Reaching out is a good way to gain insight to what you are facing. Your supportive position is already a boon to your son's future. We can help provide support, in some small fashion. While no one would ever want this, everyone wants a mother like you.
Cameron aka Captains says: I saw my own mother in your original post. If you have any questions for transmasculine (FtM) people, feel free to ask.
CarlyMCX says: If you want to bring God into the mix, then consider this: Jesus Christ Himself never condemned homosexuality, even when asked what the sins were. He also said the rules of the Old Testament (specifically Leviticus) were the rules of men, and that they no longer applied, and it is what is in a person's heart that mattered. And as far as the later writings of the Apostle Paul, we have a lot of reasons to believe that the condemnations against homosexuality were added by others after his death, and/or deliberately mistranslated from the original Ancient Greek.
I don't think this is God having a sense of humor. I think this is God saying "When I said 'Be fruitful and multiply' I didn't mean keep doing it until you overrun and destroy the rest of Creation." A lot of animals tend to have homosexual pairings when populations get too dense. It is a natural form of population control, and a far better one than disease, starvation or cannibalism. God created those animals, and they are not sinners. They are just animals doing what they were designed to do. Do not listen to manipulative "Christians." If you believe in intelligent design of animals, then you have to look at animal research and believe that homosexuality is part of the design as well.
God created you, and your children. And he loves you and them.
TG Clare says: I will admit I didn't know diddly about being gay and I felt it was a choice that they made. I learned a lot later that it isn't a choice. Same with being trans. I didn't make the choice to be the way I am no more than I could choose my skin colour. I did choose to accept myself so I could live my life. It hasn't been easy but I feel much better than I did before
*Let them know you are in this together and they can come to you for solace and compassion as well as understanding. I am sure they are just as frightened as you are."
This IS a learning process, and like someone said, knowledge is power. I will voice a fear that gnaws inside of me like a rat... the fact that the public is so afraid and so unwilling to accept people who have any kind of difference. I hear of transgender or other ethnicities being killed for the way they are. A lot of people are not kind and could care less about the "whys". If you dont conform to their way of thinking, YOU are wrong not them and they let you know it. I am scared for my child. Scared to death. I am much more accepting than her father.. his father.. but he will watch what my reaction is and will follow suit. He always has lol so if I dont make a big deal out of it, he wont. I know my child will be glad for that. I let him know tonight that I felt alone in not being able to talk to anyone about it and he told me that if I felt I wanted to tell his dad to go ahead. I think I will just ponder that for a day or so and be sure its the right time.
I cant thank you enough for suggesting a gender therapist as I had no clue one even existed. My child already sees an endocrinologist for her thyroid issues... I would never have guessed that they could help in this situation. What does an endocrinologist do for that exactly? The way I see it, the more people who can provide my son... boy that is going to be so hard to get used to saying that.. with a positive experience as he finds his way through this, the better.
Do you all think I should show him this site? If you all have helped me so much, maybe he could find the advice here as helpful as I have. Again, I cant thank you all enough for your kind words of encouragement and advice. Its so comforting just knowing there is somewhere I can go where people wont ridicule me or scoff at what my child is going through right now.
