I just want to start out by saying this is my first post. I'm 24 and very confused. I feel such a disconnect with my body and my brain. It seems like my mind tells me I am a guy. In the mirror I look and see these curves and think ugh. I've been told im pretty and all these other things but it just makes me feel odd somehow. It doesn't make me happy to get attention for my figure or for just being a girl. I get jealous when I see other guys. I wish I had the physique the voice the everything. It just sucks being a girl. I've never got along with cis gendered females. I currently identify as a lesbian because I'm in denial? Afraid? Idk. That being said what confuses me is sex. The disconnect comes here. I'm not a dominant person in the sack. I like the idea of regular sex but I have to say 95 percent of the time I want it to stop halfway through. I get turned off. Or I see myself or I think about myself and I'm like ew....but that 5 percent really gets me. I'm not sure if I'm depressed? Trans? Just envious? Please help me.

Welcome to Susan's Place. You show the classic signs of Trans something. Exactly what you are is something you will need to decide for yourself. This is something that is self diagnosed and as such, nobody other than you knows exactly what you feel and what you want to be. I am a transsexual but there are others who feel much the same as I do but are in the non binary section instead of transsexual area. I suggest you go to Youtube and request "the transition channel" where you will learn more about the feelings and maybe you will find a label that applies to you. What ever you decide, you are among friends here who will accept you as you are. Feel free to post any additional questions on this thread and I will see them.

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Thank you for the response. I just am not sure I have looked online at many informational websites. I went to talk to someone but ended up being so nervous to say anything because I was afraid of something happening to me. When I was small I tried to wear ties and button downs to functions and my mother would get so angry...I guess I just need a venting space.

Say as little or as much as you want. At first we are confused and fear discovery of what we held back for so many years. For me therapy opened the doors and I can talk about of my history. I am 33 years post surgical (yaaa  I know, I have to update the picture) and am completely comfortable in my skin. This web site is a very good place to start. If you are FTM, you will find the guys very helpful and friendly. Just check out the transition channel and hang out here until you are comfortable speaking up. We all understand because we were all there once ourself. 

Well, you sound exactly like me, except for the part about being a lesbian and submissive in bed. Otherwise sounds like you got a a few classic FTM symptoms to me...

...although nobody can say for sure. Only you know what you are.

It is normal to be confused.  It is hard to be yourself with all the outside pressures to conform to 'who you are suppose to be' .  sometimes you need to try a few different therapists/counselors to find someone you feel comfortable with.  Being able to talk about how you feel will help you figure things out in your own mind.  Also gender and sexuality are different.  Who you sleep with and how you do it doesn't define your gender.  Sex can be not so fun when you are dysphoric.  You can have the desire but not the drive or get turned off quick because you wish your body was different.  I knew from an early age I was a guy but took me till mid twenties to actually understand my feelings and accept myself.  It's not an overnight process for most people.  For me it was long and slow and difficult.  Now I am happier than I've ever been.

We are in pretty much the same boat. I'm an afab demi-guy of the same age. I have told some friends how I feel and have been a bit disgusted that they simply insisted I was a transman. I appreciate their support but the thing is even the trans community looks over genderfluid and non-binary individuals by a long-shot.
You could be ftm. You could be genderqueer. You could be something that doesn't have a name yet, and that's okay. Do whatever you have to do to be yourself but keep in mind that there's no rush to figure this out (though I totally it can feel that way.) I hope it's a comfort that you're not the only person who is confused. I've thought I've figured it out several times only to become confused all over again.

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I would say focus more on what you actually want, and when you've got that sorted out the label will come to you, if you even still feel that you need one.

Remember too that gender and sexuality are more or less connected for different people. it might help to settle your personal feelings about yourself before deciding how this is connected to your sexuality.

For example, i thought i was lesbian, but didn't like lesbian sex as a girl, decided i was bi, started to like men more, wondered if this meant i'm straight - realised i'm trans, now I guess i still ID as bi but from the other side so to speak.

If it helps at all I'm also not very pro-active in bed either, and i think it's a combination of not enjoying my currently-female body and also just being naturally subby ;)

Your confusion doesn't really surprise me. Being in a lesbian relationship means that your partner is seeing you as another woman. You can't relate sexually to her the way you want because you don't have the parts you feel should be there. This doesn't need an answer unless you want to, but ask yourself this. When you fantasize about sex, are you in a male body in your fantasy?

I went through a period of questioning my sexual preference years after I transitioned. My penis has no erotic sensation. All of the erotic sensations when I get turned on come from the clitoris they left on and inside the vagina they couldn't close. I started worrying that I might be a gay transgender. There is nothing wrong with that, but it wasn't what I wanted. I had been married and was attracted to women. The feeling that I might be gay as well as a transgender went away when I realized that when I made myself think about having sex with another man, I found it abhorrent. Surgery can't be perfect, and I was responding to where my nerves were rather than who I was attracted to.

Coming out as a transgender is scary. There isn't any way of knowing how family and friends will react, and once you break the news, you can't take it back. It is important to be sure that you are a male and not just a lesbian who identifies with masculine roles. I would urge you to get a therapist who works with transgenders and can help you work through your urges, doubts and needs.

Many F to M transgenders are less aggressive. So are some cis guys. You don't have to be in control during sex. There are plenty of cis guys who take a more passive role in bed, and that is something that only you and your partner need to know. I was in one relationship with a lesbian before I transitioned, and always felt disgusted with myself after a sexual encounter. I hated having her touch my breasts and it would completely turn me off. You have plenty of time to work out your feelings as you are still really young. The only person you have to answer to as far as your gender is yourself.  If you are able to pass as a male currently, try a casual date with a woman and see how you feel. If its just casual, and you aren't planning on being intimate, there is no need to tell her.

sam1234

Quote from: Fabledzero on October 30, 2015, 02:41:46 PM
I just want to start out by saying this is my first post. I'm 24 and very confused. I feel such a disconnect with my body and my brain. It seems like my mind tells me I am a guy. In the mirror I look and see these curves and think ugh. I've been told im pretty and all these other things but it just makes me feel odd somehow. It doesn't make me happy to get attention for my figure or for just being a girl. I get jealous when I see other guys. I wish I had the physique the voice the everything. It just sucks being a girl. I've never got along with cis gendered females. I currently identify as a lesbian because I'm in denial? Afraid? Idk. That being said what confuses me is sex. The disconnect comes here. I'm not a dominant person in the sack. I like the idea of regular sex but I have to say 95 percent of the time I want it to stop halfway through. I get turned off. Or I see myself or I think about myself and I'm like ew....but that 5 percent really gets me. I'm not sure if I'm depressed? Trans? Just envious? Please help me.

Being trans is many difference things. Transsexual, genderfluid, genderqueer, androgynous, drag king and drag queen are under the trans umbrella. People around you can't say if you're transsexual or not. You know yourself best and I recommend you to explore yourself. Thing take times. If you have the feeling over longer time, you may be trans. Ask you questions and see if you can relate to something of it. Ask yourself them later, and see if thing changes. Remember, everybody are difference.

- How do I imaging myself in the future?
- How do misgendering feels?
- How do you feel about your body? Are something missing or something too much?
- How are your dysphoria?
- Do you whish to have the opposite sex anatomy so much as you could do almost everything to get it?
- Do you feel discomfort with your voice and other sex characteristics?
- Which gender/sex are you in your dreams?

Quote from: T.K.G.W. on October 31, 2015, 08:03:21 AM
Only you know what you are.

... unless you don't. 

I had a rather long period of questioning/discovery.  Actually, I think I'm still there, but things have calmed down a lot.  First I thought I had a crossdressing fetish, but if fetishes are supposed to turn you on, that ain't it.  Then, I went through a period of what I call "violent genderfluidity."  Day to day, or several times a day, my gender would switch.  My presentation never matched my identity, and I was unhappy 100% of the time.  Worst time of my life!  I was subconsciously trying to force myself into a binary gender, and killing myself with it.

Sex got weird for me.  When I identified as male, I took the lead role in sex 'cause I wanted to have sex and that's what was expected of me.  As my gender has drifted around, I like to take the passive role more.  Of course, my wife prefers a passive role, so we kinda just sit there waiting for the other to sex us up.  (just kidding. it is a little awkward tho)

I wish I had those curves you hate!  We're talking dysphoria here, and it's pretty clear you've got it.  Aside from sex, I'm totally happy with my mostly-masculine approach to life.  But I want to look more feminine!  I can't tell you why I want to look feminine, but I do, so I work with what I've got.  Hormones are doing wonders for me, and I feel like a million bucks.  In a few years, I might look pretty good, too.  You're lucky in one regard: testosterone is a superdrug -- transdudes on T look very masculine very fast.

There are lots of nonbinary transgender people out there.  We pick and choose what aspects of our lives and bodies we want to change.  Personally, I like who I am and I feel free to be myself.  I just want to look a bit different.  In a certain sense, I view this as a cosmetic change like tattoos or piercings.

Quote from: sparrow on November 10, 2015, 06:46:58 PM
... unless you don't. 

I had a rather long period of questioning/discovery.  Actually, I think I'm still there, but things have calmed down a lot.  First I thought I had a crossdressing fetish, but if fetishes are supposed to turn you on, that ain't it.  Then, I went through a period of what I call "violent genderfluidity."  Day to day, or several times a day, my gender would switch.  My presentation never matched my identity, and I was unhappy 100% of the time.  Worst time of my life!  I was subconsciously trying to force myself into a binary gender, and killing myself with it.

Sex got weird for me.  When I identified as male, I took the lead role in sex 'cause I wanted to have sex and that's what was expected of me.  As my gender has drifted around, I like to take the passive role more.  Of course, my wife prefers a passive role, so we kinda just sit there waiting for the other to sex us up.  (just kidding. it is a little awkward tho)

I wish I had those curves you hate!  We're talking dysphoria here, and it's pretty clear you've got it.  Aside from sex, I'm totally happy with my mostly-masculine approach to life.  But I want to look more feminine!  I can't tell you why I want to look feminine, but I do, so I work with what I've got.  Hormones are doing wonders for me, and I feel like a million bucks.  In a few years, I might look pretty good, too.  You're lucky in one regard: testosterone is a superdrug -- transdudes on T look very masculine very fast.

There are lots of nonbinary transgender people out there.  We pick and choose what aspects of our lives and bodies we want to change.  Personally, I like who I am and I feel free to be myself.  I just want to look a bit different.  In a certain sense, I view this as a cosmetic change like tattoos or piercings.

I'm happy you got hormones. Congrats. Your country seems liberal. Here in Norway you have to be 100% transsexual female or male. You have to follow the stereotype. Non-binary doesn't get treatment. You can get treatment free in Norway, but have to go for 2 years tests. 80% get a no. If you get a no, you can't get legal treatment other ways. Norway do also say: "Take all or nothing".