So, the other night I was having the usual argument with my parents - about my gender identity and depression. And I think there's a lot more going on here than I really understand.

So, it started with the subject of PT conferences. I HATE those; they always end badly and I feel like I'm on trial the whole time. And apparently they are coming up in a few weeks. Well, we ended up in an argument about that, which ended up turning into other subjects. Basically, I ended up telling my mom she was in denial about my depression. But then she started talking again, and just broke my mind.

The therapist had told me before that she didn't think she was worth $200 an hour, and that my parents were having trouble paying. But my mom told me that she told her that she shouldn't take me anymore because we weren't getting anywhere, and she didn't want to take our money for no results. (Although now I'm not on an antidepressant, so the only thing I really have in that area is my Google Play Music subscription.)


Another thing she brought up was that I never showed any signs of being transgender, and just sort of dumped that on them at 17 when they were demanding to see my Facebook (and I was refusing to give them access). So, of course they aren't going to accept that because it came from nowhere.

Admittedly some of the things I've said and done in the past are misleading. I hid my gender identity really well, because my biggest fear at that time was being different and bullied for it. Also, I didn't realize just how big a factor my dysphoria was in my depression when I was talking to the doctor who diagnosed me (maybe that's why I don't have a diagnosis for that?).

But anyway, I'm kind of at a loss right now. I'm not really sure what I should do (though I do know I should do it in the next few days if I do anything). I'm kind of thinking of writing a letter to them about my gender identity and what all happened with that, but then again I'm not really sure. Does anyone have any ideas?

My mom was the same way at first. Same with my dad. They thought it was just a phase because I'd never acted feminine, but realistically, I'd been trying my whole life to fit in with the other guys, though I still tended to be an outcast. I'm practically certain that everyone here has tried to hide their gender identity, because gender norms are so drilled into children - by parents, by school, by classmates and peers and media and, well, everywhere! So, I really think that argument is one of the most paradoxical.

"Hey, you're a boy, so you need to act like a boy."

"Oh, you want to be a girl? Well, aside from those few times you acted like a girl, which we punished and ridiculed you for, you've always acted like a boy, so obviously you aren't a girl."

"So if you're not a girl, then you're a boy, so you need to act like a boy!"

Stupid circular logic.

Quote from: SilverWing on November 11, 2015, 09:33:07 AM
Another thing she brought up was that I never showed any signs of being transgender, and just sort of dumped that on them at 17 when they were demanding to see my Facebook (and I was refusing to give them access). So, of course they aren't going to accept that because it came from nowhere.

Many, many, many trans people didn't show any signs of being transgender. I never did for the 50 years of my life. But I'm still trans.

VERY IMPORTANT: You are not obligated to present your issues to your parents in a way that makes them easy for them to swallow. They are your parents. It is their job to take care of you, not your job to orchestrate the timing of your issues and the manner in which they discover them.

It is grossly unfair of them to deny you the help you need based on the way they found out or the way you seemed to them before hand. They are using this to avoid giving you the help you need.

I'm not sure the best way to present this to your parents. If you feel like a letter is a appropriate, than I recommend you go with your gut. You know them better than anyone else does.

But I suggest you make these things clear:
* You need help. You can't stand living the way you are.
* They are your parents. It is their job to take care of you. They can't just decide you're not transgender because you never showed any signs, because they learned about it abruptly, or because the care is too expensive.
* Really bad things will happen if you don't receive the help you need.

Most therapists are willing to work with clients if they have trouble with their fee.

Here is a vid that might help explain:


Concerning therapists you could look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html

and here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316
There might be some with sliding scales.
Or you might ask at plannedparenthood or a lgbt center, its possible there are therapists in programs for people with lower income.

Well you might tell them you want to try with a therapist knowledgable in transgender issues.
All issues should be looked at together. If some issues were missing it can be responsible for slow/no progress.

And I'd not advocate only meds. There should be therapy helping further, like talking and evaluating what steps would be best.

*hugs*