Oh, you're real, hon. I had a period of self-doubt and denial. I kept trying to pigeonhole myself into a purely male or purely female identity. That didn't work out. Socially, I'm mostly masculine... and I don't even remotely try to change my voice. I'm on HRT to feminize my appearance, because that's where the dysphoria gets me.
Nonbinary transgender people are real. We deserve life and compassion just like anybody else. If you are nonbinary, and it sounds like you might be, then this whole existential crisis just kinda evaporates. Man or woman? Meh, whatever. Here's something you can do: make a list of feminine traits and masculine traits, and a list of things you can do to feminize yourself. Rank everything on the list and see what you come up with.
I have to make tradeoffs. When I identified as male, I used to wear ratty black jeans. When I'd check the oil in my truck, I'd wipe the dipstick on my pants. I enjoyed that... in part because it caused shock and horror in some onlookers... but also because it was incredibly convenient. I gave that up, 'cause my clothes are nicer now. In this case, femme wins.
I really like long flowy skirts. However, I take two steps at a time as I charge up stairs. I also tend to vault railings, etc., when I run to catch buses. I move fast and use my body hard, and that just isn't compatible with long flowy skirts. In this case, femme loses.
Of course... a transwoman could make the same choices. I'm sure there are plenty of butch transwomen out there that make me look like a weenie. I don't mind.