Hello everyone, I've been lurking around the forums for a few months now but this is officially my first post.

I am a 20 year old transgender woman from the UK who has only recently realised (this past year) that she is indeed trans. Ever since I was a child, I've always loved dressing up as a girl, whether that be squeezing myself into my sisters dresses (there's even a photo lying around of me aged about 6 or 7, wearing my sister's dress up to the waist because it wouldn't fit all the way), or wearing trousers over my head and pretending the legs were my long hair, but I've never really thought of myself as being transgender before until I got older and learned more about it. In fact, I remember, as a child, going to bed and thinking that most of my problems would vanish if I could just go to sleep as a boy and magically wake up as a girl, but being as young as I was, I pretty much thought it was impossible and left it at that.

This past year, however, I've completely identified with being a transgender woman and, the more I read up on it, the more tempted I have been to come out to my family. My original "plan" was to come out to my sister first, because I figured she'd be the most understanding, and then perhaps my mother because she's definitely the more accepting one out of both of my parents, however hours ago my mother broke the news to me that I'd soon become an "uncle" (as much as I cringed internally) as my sister found out that she was pregnant.

Now, for a large majority, this probably wouldn't affect them coming out whatsoever, however now I feel the pressure to hold it in, more so than ever before. Since my family aren't very wealthy, I feel like their undivided attention will go to my sister and ensuring she copes with her pregnancy (she's only 18, so she definitely needs the support from everyone), without them having to deal with my gender identity issues on top of that. What do I do? I don't want to add more stress to an already stressful situation, but at the same time, I'm plagued with unhappiness (and have been for quite a while now) because I feel like I'm being forced to be someone that, deep down, I know that I'm not.

Could anyone offer any advice? I feel like I'm truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

P.S. Sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum, I'm still getting the hang of things around here.

You should do what YOU need to do - irrespective.

Why hurt yourself? That makes no sense whatsoever. They won't thank you for holding it back - particularly if it makes you depressed and unpleasant to be around. In fact the more you repress youself the more you are likely to dump stress, without even realising it, on people around you, and in short you could even make their lives worse by NOT being truthful.

Every time I hear people fretting about coming out I always want to say for goodness sake just be honest! Being honest about who and what you are is actually the only really decent thing a human being can do!

Frankly the amount of drama that ensues over coming out is wildly overestimated in most cases. Sure its not always easy, and sure there are sometimes consequences, but in reality it is often far less of an issue that people imagine, particularly here in the UK where most people are now rather more acceptiing of trans than is the case in the USA.

Welcome to Susan's Place. The transition is a slow process and to do it right might require between two and three years for the normal person. It is possible if you start now, you may not be full time until several months after the birth. Consider you want therapy, beard removal, HRT and you need to work on your image. All this take time and you could do it with very little disruption to the family.

I also agree that waiting isn't going to be any easer on you because once you open the bottle and the genie gets out, it's a real problem shoving it back in the bottle. Talk to the family then fade into the background while you get ready and let them see the new you after the baby is born. This will give you the best of both worlds.

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Thank you for the replies. I desperately want to come out, but I'm one of those people who are terrified by the fear of the unknown and my sister's unexpected pregnancy has already shook things up. I'm almost certain that my sister and my mother would be accepting and supportive, but my Dad has always been the "old fashioned" one. Not only that, but he has Bipolar disorder, so I've pretty much spent my entire life tip toeing around him (he can get very mean and scary during his mood swings particularly) to the point that, even after years of dealing with it, I'm STILL very cautious with how I approach him and how I word things around him. I'm even more cautious now, because he wasn't exactly ecstatic upon hearing my sister had fallen pregnant. It's like I constantly have to think two steps ahead.

Believe me, if it were as easy as "just do it", I wouldn't be at the crossroads I'm facing now. Anyways, it's late so I'm gonna sleep on it and see how I feel tomorrow.

Hiya, Your talk of your dad reminds me very much of my own father  and the reason that i am transitioning so late in life. The one thing I will say is that i now regret not doing it earlier. I should not have let My father's feelings on the matter rule me and I should have gone through with it much sooner then I could have been happier with myself for longer. Do what you must and let others work it out for themselves you owe it to your self to be the best you can.
Sophie

Do you have an income? Do you work? If so, then why even come out? Just get your appointments booked and go on HRT asap.

If you wait till the baby is born, before you feel it's right to transition, then it'll never be right to transition. More things will always come up. After it's born, oh, you can't mess up the baby's first birthday can you? What about when the child starts going to preschool? Then it's the child's first year of elementary school. Then the child's graduation from kindergarten. What about your dad's bipolar issues? Surely they'll only get worse once the extra financial burden is placed on your family upon the child being born. Not to mention the strain that comes from being kept up late at night to help take care of the baby. It never ends. If you wait for it to be the right time for *other* people, it'll never be the right time for *you*.

I agree with Splendid. My wife just wanted a second child. I won't wait longer than after he's born. My wife oked me for October. I feared what would happen as well. I don't know what hrt feels like, but coming out feels like getting a car off of you. No matter the consequences.