I had an awesome job lined up at an awesome company.  They misheard something I said in a very short conversation, and they've suddenly got cold feet -- I literally played a high-stakes game of Telephone, and lost.  I've already started transitioning, and I've been gradually coming out.  I was practically guaranteed a job in January, and I wasn't planning to come out after I had a solid job offer.

I'm terrified.  This job was a heaven-send.  Pretty much, all my problems were going to vanish in January.   Maybe some new little ones always crop up, but really, it all comes down to this job.  It's my ticket to citizenship.  I could support my wife having a low-paying education job.  I did an internship at the company for a year, and I loved the work.  We were lined up to have an amazing life where we both had a high level of job satisfaction and enough money to get by (and pay for electrolysis, etc.)  And now that's going down the tubes.

I'm panicked, I'm going through heavy grief, and I'm supposed to be preparing for my phd defense.  I'm depressed, angry, self-destructive, distraught, hopeless... fml.  This is terrible and I hate it.  I'm keeping myself under observation for my own safety.  I can't focus or think straight.  I'm having trouble eating, and having low blood sugar turns me into a cranky, useless, stupid monster.

Try to calm down...

is there anyone you could talk to, making clear it was a misunderstanding ?
Usually there are colleagues or people who know someone who might help....

"I did an internship at the company for a year, and I loved the work. "
Maybe you could find someone who might need someone in their part of the company...
or knows someone who could help...
after all you already worked for the company, are aquainted with some equipment and showed you are reliable...
people usually are more likely to stick to people they already know...

and being still in the company you might have a look at internal offers...
and ask around...

I sent my manager-to-be an email trying to clear things up.  I haven't heard from him.  I've tried to contact a couple of my colleagues at the company, but I haven't heard back from them either.  They're usually pretty responsive.  I'm afraid that somebody saw me dressed up, and they're using this as an excuse.

Don't only email.
Follow up with a telephone call.

Talk to them. I'd say be honest and open. Ask what gives, and that you have proven yourself in the company and are an asset for the company. And that you like the place.
Often people are willing to help if asked.

I'm really sorry you are going through this.  I had a very difficult time finding work early on when I started hrt, though I did find work in a tolerant  environment, so there is always hope. 

I would agree with Laura that a heart to heart talk with the company would be a good idea. At this point you have little to lose and much to gain. It might not help but then you will be able to put it behind you with the though you did all you could do and it was't your fault. It will also help if you can claim unemployment because it will be harder for the company to claim it was a firing where you don't collect unemployment. The will need to say layoff or risk discrimination issues.

I went something like that just before I moved into the feminine role. I had come out to the management and then they had a massive layoff which included me. It pushed up my schedule several months so I moved into the feminine role and searched for work as a woman. It wasn't the way I wanted to do this but the only other option was to delay starting a couple of more years after finding a new job and then working it long enough that I could risk bringing it up to the new management.

I am sorry this happens to anybody but it can be salvaged and hope the old company will see the light by correcting their mistake. If not, you could find a new job where you don't have to deal with transitions issues.

Honestly I understand, but I'm guessing your quite young and you mentioned a PHD you need to complete. The top priority is the PHD. It may have been the most amazing job in the Universe , but the Universe is a big place.

I hope you can find a way to resolve this. I agree with the comments above - a more direct way is the better way to tackle this don't leave it up to email alone.

Quote from: stephaniec on November 14, 2015, 04:24:03 PM
Honestly I understand, but I'm guessing your quite young and you mentioned a PHD you need to complete.

I'm old enough to face discrimination for tech jobs.  This was one of those rare companies that values a work/life balance.  And they need somebody with my very very precise set of specializations.  However, they've had a bit of turnover in administration, and getting buzzwordier... maybe I don't want to work for them anyway. 

Yeah, I have other options for employment.  But they're all low-paid teaching gigs, and extremely competitive.  Having what seemed like a sure thing with a great salary was amazing.  Everything in my future was roses.  Now I'm back to scrabbling for work.

And unfortunately, I don't have anybody's number at the company except for one friend, and he hasn't responded to my text.  Besides, I get tongue-tied and say stuff wrong all the time.  With email, I can say what I mean and make sure of it.

Quote from: sparrow on November 14, 2015, 06:40:40 PM

And unfortunately, I don't have anybody's number at the company except for one friend, and he hasn't responded to my text.  Besides, I get tongue-tied and say stuff wrong all the time.  With email, I can say what I mean and make sure of it.

You don't need a number...
you can ask the reception to put you through...

and its possible to make out a few scenarios beforehand...
and write down a few notes on a notepad...
meaning a text window on the screen...
its like parts of an email, but shorter... only a few words and expressions that might be said...
like you are an asset to the company... etc...

if you are nervous and fumble with words you might even say so... if necessary for a moment... people know and might have sympathy then...

well...
all in all it seeems this is a reflection of your doubts...
you might work on your doubts beforehand... like you really would like this job...
or look for alternatives...
or it would enable you to do something meaningful in your spare time...


hugs

I've learned a lot in the last week by talking to old co-workers (who were fired under mysterious circumstances in the last few months).  I saw some little warning signs during my internship.  Now, it's clear as day: there's something toxic in the company.  I've got a tough road ahead for the next few months, but at least I'm not on a sinking ship and getting paid in stock options.

<not allowed>

<no seriously, we don't talk like that in here>

...

More bad news today.  I've got my PhD defense in 3 short days.  I'm supposed to be preparing my talk today.  Can't focus on anything but the gaping maw that is my uncertain future.  Aaack.  And another word that ends with ck.  Lots of it.

Quote from: sparrow on November 27, 2015, 04:19:58 PM
<not allowed>

<no seriously, we don't talk like that in here>

...

More bad news today.  I've got my PhD defense in 3 short days.  I'm supposed to be preparing my talk today.  Can't focus on anything but the gaping maw that is my uncertain future.  Aaack.  And another word that ends with ck.  Lots of it.

Look... sometimes its a blessing in disguise.

Do this step by step.

Just concentrate on the next step.


hugs

Well, it looks like I've got a 4 month contract with them.  Not a permanent job, so I don't feel safe coming out.   I wonder what I'm gonna do with the girls... they're still growing and I really don't wanna bind 'em.  I've just gotten my wardrobe to where I like it, and all my boy clothes have already been donated!

Not looking forward to months of dysphoria, I'm looking at what stylin' dykes wear.  I can push the tomboy envelope a bit.  The good thing is that my boy uniform included a (foul-smelling) vest.  I can upgrade the vest to one that hasn't been worn 24/7 without washing for the last 10 years (okay, I washed it every year or two... and seriously, REI's clothes are made to last!).  I recently got a vest at Old Navy that has hot pink piping... oops.  It kinda screams "soccer mom."  Dressing my age is lame; 20-somethings have all the fun!