Unhappy because I've had a week of being ill.

Happy because my daughter came home from visiting with friends and played her guitar

Happy: 1) got my hair cut so I now look more like a handsome young man and less like a troglodyte; 2) had a laughter-filled lunch with one of my dearest friends; 3) it was confirmed that whilst my company is downsizing, my job is (currently) secure.

Unhappy: several of my colleagues' jobs are not secure. Within a few weeks' time I'll have to say goodbye to several people I've grown to care for & respect.

Happy, got my hair cut. It was really starting to overgrown and look messy. Looks so much better now . Unhappy, maybe I could have not asked to get a bit less cut off.

My new birth certificate came in..
Happy and proud seeing my new name and gender..
Kinda sad about the death of my old ones..

felt like when I quit a job I had for a long time for a much better cool one...

The Jessica London catalogue I got in the mail today helped me figure out that I'm a size 14 except that my hips could stand another two or three inches, also that I'm a 40 C. Unfortunately, I can't buy any of the pretty, pretty things I found in it. I so want that knit duster!

Had a long chat with my 15-year-old daughter this morning - the one who reacted the worst when I came out 3 years ago. The one who told me at the time that she was disgusted with me, and would never accept me, and didn't want to be seen in public with me. That daughter.

Various things that she said to me this morning have made it clear that she's come to accept my transition and can see that it's the right thing for me, and that it would've been inevitable anyway. She 100% accepts that I'm male and her views have matured significantly in the past 3 years. She also understands me a lot better now in the light of the fact that my personality & behaviour, rather than being 'weird for a woman', are simply normal for a guy. So, there's a glimmer of happiness there.

But then she said something that upset me: she said that when she goes around her friends' houses, it's weird for her to see how their mums behave. They act like traditional mothers: fussing over her, asking if she wants anything to eat or drink... acting the way stereotypical mothers act. She said it's weird for her to see that, because even though I love her to pieces, did everything I could for her & always tried to do what was right, that feminine touch was always missing so I was never a stereotypical mum for her.

How could I be? I'm simply not wired that way.

She accepts that, and understands why I am the way I am... but I wish we didn't have to be in this situation. I wish I could've been a traditional mother for her, so that she could've had a 'normal' upbringing of the sort her friends are having. I wish I hadn't struggled so much with trying to figure out how to be a woman before throwing in the towel and accepting the truth. But circumstances beyond my control left me with an undeniably male brain, so my attempts to mother (rather than father) my daughter were pretty much doomed from the start. 

Today I received notification of two charges I didn't make on my credit card that were not mine so evidently my credit card number was swiped somewhere and was being used to make unauthorized purchases of several hundred dollars.

The good news is that I will not be responsible and Capital One is sending me a new credit card with a new number, plus I was ma'amed on the phone consistently with both customer service representative on the phone I dealt with.

I love Capital One, Sydney! I have a card with them and always get great service. I also have checking which is also excellent.

Capital One has been one of the better banks I've dealt with. We did a car loan through them in the middle of my name change and they were great about it all. Plus we only paid 3% financing on the purchase of a used car.

For our business account, Chase has also been good. The bank I can't stank for business practices is Bank of America even though they have a great LGBT record.

I found out Tuesday that I have bursitis in my right shoulder. Hurts like no tomorrow, especially when working, even if I carry something small in my hand my shoulder starts hurting.
On the bright side, the doctors note is an indefinite "no heavy lifting, no overhead lifting" which kinda gives me a more female role at the work area, since I wont be doing the macho, superman heavy lifting stuff anymore.

One note too is that the emphasis that my manager is now putting on gendering me right at a 98% probability, only accidental slips and catching it right away and going forth with having the right pronouns and such is having an impact on the other employees, which most of them are now gendering me right.. I'm excited about this... But when it comes to the two that do not comply just yet, makes it dig deeper when they mis gender me.

Kate <3

Downloaded "important" updates    It took about 4 hours but it doesn't look like much of anything new, exciting or even half interesting happened 

Oh well, it gave me time to make some pancakes and an omelette 

Lets get the bad out of the way first; had to spend £400 on a pair of rear tyres and 4 wheel alignment on the Volvo only to drive it home afterwards and find a puncture on one of the front tyres!! That meant another £300 on a pair of front tyres!!

Next one is I've been informed by the university that no local schools will take me on my final teaching practice this year, so I may not be able to complete my teacher training. Why?? Well, we all know the answer to that don't we. I mean, I've had my birth certificate changed, all documents show me as female and I've lived as a woman since I was 16 but that's not good enough. The other 9 students have all been accepted and you usually return to the first school you were at but they don't send students there anymore as it's no longer a partner school. Apparently no other local secondary schools will take me. I'm not being funny here but I'm not exactly masculine in appearance and mannerisms etc; you'd never tell I am trans (I don't hide it if asked but I'm a woman first and trans second) and I have a soft feminine voice too. The last school won't take me again because the uni have sent someone who doesn't drive and lives nearby there (they always give those who drive a cleft stick!) so there's nothing I can say without incurring the wrath of the swear filter to describe how annoyed I am!!! The uni knew I was trans when I signed up and were happy enough to take me on a take the tuition money and it hasn't been a problem with schools until now! I'm contacting the schools myself so I can ask personally if they'll have me.

The good is that my new Jimmy Choo clutch bag I won on eBay to cheer me up arrived and I must say, it's a thing of beauty xx

I started losing weight recently so out of interest i measured my bust, I've gone down two cup sizes... I actually put on one of my old bras for the first time in months and it was so hilarious to see them half full i didn't even get the dysphoria lol. now i have a perfect excuse to bin them too.

only downside is my binders are looser + i can't afford a new one.

My favorite pair of leggings don't fit any more.

I've toned up quite a bit and a lot of the fat has shifted, ahem!, further up.

I managed to catch the highly contagious stomach bug that's been going about town... Again Luckily, thus far I've been able to make it into the facilities before my tummy or my bum unleashes their opulent fury

Happy: I've achieved another Transition Goal... this morning, completely out of the blue, another guy at the petrol station complimented me on my car. I know only too well that guys simply don't do that to women, so not only did I enjoy the validation of my excellent taste in cars, I also found it particularly pleasing in a way that cis guys probably never experience.

Not-So-Happy: whilst walking through a shopping complex on my way to visit my GIC doctor, I walked past a trans woman who (bless her) didn't pass at all, and she was getting rude stares & giggles from the Muggles as she walked past them. Ugh, the early stages can be so cruel. Passing privilege is a HUGE thing, and I wish I could take her pain away and stop those ignorant knuckle-draggers from behaving the way they do. It reminded me of the importance of funding FFS and electrolysis/laser for those who need them... and to arrange the care they need as soon as humanly possible.

(Mostly) Learned "Pictures of Home" (Deep Purple) complete with solos and fills (now need to get it up to tempo), then noticed that my manicure is now destroyed beyond repair.

Unhappy got soaking wet and cold most of the day. Got up early to find my doctor's appointment cancelled, a shop i wanted to buy from has closed for relocation.
Happy, new clothes, perfume,Michael Monroe CD,

This is for yesterday, but whatever......

Happy:  Had a really great first appointment with the occupational therapist who is going to be working with me from now until February.

Unhappy:  As soon as I arrived back home I crashed out into the dreamscape again and was gone for the next four hours.

Due to injuries incurred it is rather difficult for me to turn to look for cars coming up from behind so I keep a rear view mirror on my bicycle handlebar

Over the summer the bike was vandalized a bit and the mirror broken off 

Well today I got a new mirror and it came complete with a builtin blinky light 

Yay, blinky light!!!