Hi everyone!!
hmm well Im 20 years old. Well you are probably wondering what I am. Im nearly a hundred percent sure that Im a mtf. Unfortunately, I have not had the courage to do anything about it as Im dependent on my parents for my degree from a university and have no clue how they would react. And I dont really have the money to go to a therapist right now. So I dont really need that kind of advice. I know I have to see one.;.hopefully sooner rather than later
I have always had fantasizes about being a girl/ women. Even way back in elementary school had fantasizes and put pillows under my shirt before I went to bed. And had fantasizes about crazy things like a machine at the school that turned you into a girl. And Id imagine that I put in my New York Jets jersey in the machine too and it automatically turned into a cute dress, etc etc. Haha Well Im off on a tangent which I seem to do a lot. When I was in my early teens I began to crossdress privately however, I have not done that for years.
The strangest thing is that in my years in school and so far away at college Ive always been very masculine. I played linebacker on my high school football team. I believe I did this because I was just hiding my insecurities.. However at the same time the girls I would date, I would enviy them and wish the shoes were reversed. I had this rough macho external and on the inside I am kinda like a girly girl. My favorite color secretly is pink and light blue, and I developed a love for fashion. In fact I think I valued fashion taste over looks in dating.. haha.
My biggest worry is that once I start the transition if I do depending on the therapist. Im really afraid of not passing. I know this is a common theme from ghost reading this forum for the past few weeks but I still fear it like nothing else. Me and my older sister people still say we have the same face so that gives me confidence but like the above paragraph said I played linebacker and Im afraid my shoulders might be too broad.. etc.. etc.
So I joined this site to hopefully get stuff off my chest, talk to like minded people, and lead me on the my eventual path. By the way about my name. I cannot decide which name I like better Ashley or Brenna and guess Ill wait till its time to make the choice and make the other name my middle. haha. Well thats my story if anyone cared.
