I live in a small town my wife knows. and accepted me as I am.My Aunts. on my mothers side also accepted me.No one still a live on my dad's side except for cousins that live where I do that I haven't told I am transgender.My question should I tell them before I come out?What I am afraid of is I have been going to therapy  dressed as a woman a lot of people know I dress this way but my cousins on my dad's side don't. Some of them are rednecks and would probably disown me.Or should I just keep going and if they find out so what?


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I haven't made a personal announcement to everyone in my family, but I rather suspect that family gossip has pretty much already taken care of that for me, for better or worse. Plenty of rednecks in my family too, and I just don't need confrontation like that. Perhaps it would have been better to approach everyone directly (albeit not for my long distance phone bill) and try to do some damage control, I don't know. Time will tell.

Eventually they will know and it is best if it is on your terms,  so that you are ready. You called them "rednecks" and this means to me that your safety may be at risk. Are you safe where you are located?

No I m not really safe where I am at.So far I haven't had a conflict yet with anyone.I have been going to therapy appts in dresses and got by ok.I don't think I will have as much of problems with these rednecks as I will church's.I unfortunately live in Tennessee right smack dab in the bible belt.Think they will be my biggest obstacle.

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Gosh i can so relate to this. My parents are loving ppl but very old fashioned. Thats why i didnt come out to them yet. Im moving to the uk soon and i hope to begin my hormones treatment there, once im rolling i will tell them. I am writing a daily journal which i intend to give them eventually. I thought i wouldnt be able to include everything i experienced in a letter.

Idk how my dad is gonna take it cos i am gettig my name changed and will use my mums maiden name as my surname and not my dads


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you would know best how your cousins will react. personally I think just being true to yourself and being yourself is best, but I live in a big city in Canada and have the support of my family and friends.

what do you think the worst that can happen is? if you are going to come out they will eventually find out. do you actually keep contact with them? if not, maybe it won't matter

best of luck

Quote from: clarabrown on November 13, 2015, 08:39:34 PM
Gosh i can so relate to this. My parents are loving ppl but very old fashioned. Thats why i didnt come out to them yet. Im moving to the uk soon and i hope to begin my hormones treatment there, once im rolling i will tell them. I am writing a daily journal which i intend to give them eventually. I thought i wouldnt be able to include everything i experienced in a letter.

Idk how my dad is gonna take it cos i am gettig my name changed and will use my mums maiden name as my surname and not my dads


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Is there a story behind why you are not going to use your given surname? As a parent I would feel disowned if my child did that. Of course, I can't speak to your relationship with your father, but coming out as trans and transitioning would be hard enough without the addition of potential perceived disrespect.

I am lucky because my father gave me his blessing before passing this past March and I considered changing my last name, but after that I decided that I will keep it. But, my middle name is the same name as my adopted sister who was disowned. That I did not tell him.

Due to all the meds kicking in in Apr '15, my GF Vikki & I decided to let everyone know. She told everyone that my
cousin Bridget was moving into town & she wanted to introduce her. She told everyone to be at our place at 630pm.
After getting a makeover, I was at Vikki's vanity table getting ready. I was nervous. Vikki told me to wait 5 min, listen to her intro then walk in. She left & I listened. She started up by saying that there was no cousin, that I had been CDing, that the medical research lab she works at had me on HRT. "So may I introduce to you, Bridget!" she announces. I walk down the stairs & stand there. A few of our friends remark that it doesn't look like Jim. Then Sheri, Vikki's stepsister starts on her tirade towards me & Vikki, mostly Vikki. The door opens & I run into the Oregon rainy night. I end up at a park where I can hear "jim, jim" A girl says "her name is Bridget" Then I hear 'Bridget, bridget" I am found & we walk back to the condo. We sit 7 while having cake & coffee, I am bombarded by a bunch of questions. Lisa, one of Vikki's friends says that Sheri decided to storm out. To this day, Sheri hasn't accepted me as Bridget. She still calls me Jim. She has even said that Vikki is a Les now that I am a girl. or be one by Apr '16. 
 

It is really you call. Some of your cousins may support you. The others, well they are the ones that do not count.

Quote from: clarabrown on November 13, 2015, 08:39:34 PM
Gosh i can so relate to this. My parents are loving ppl but very old fashioned. Thats why i didnt come out to them yet. Im moving to the uk soon and i hope to begin my hormones treatment there, once im rolling i will tell them. I am writing a daily journal which i intend to give them eventually. I thought i wouldnt be able to include everything i experienced in a letter.

Idk how my dad is gonna take it cos i am gettig my name changed and will use my mums maiden name as my surname and not my dads


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Hey I am back to using my old phone I am bchigdon10 Instead of 1001.Any how my parents where old fashion but in the end she got over it.But she died 2010 I just don't know how my cousin s will react.My wife actually helps me buy my clothes.

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I never did come out everyone so it isn't necessary to come out before or after to them if you don't want to. If they are someone your going to be around on a regular basis then your eventually going to need to talk about it, but that doesn't have to before. It can wait tell after coming out or even after going full time. Hugs
Mariah

Most people who know me from before know I'm trans. Some haven't even seen me since I transitioned so they don't know what I look like, a few others don't know at all but eventually will. Some from my family relative tree won't ever know as I haven't seen or heard from them since I was married way back in 1983. They don't even know my wife has since died! Are we close or what? Some people have never known me as anything but as a woman.

When I changed my name, I changed everything. There was resistance to that of course but I told them that this way there would be no shame brought to the family name and no way to connect me to them by my new name. It could be thought of as my married name instead if it made it easier to accept.

Love

Tell them before hand. Them knowing post transition will make them even more mad because they will feel lied to.

Hi -

This isn't universally true but . . . controversial, difficult, sensational, etc. news seldom becomes easier to deal with given the passage of time, especially when it's core message unit profoundly alters the social fabric about you.  Of course, just blurting out something isn't helpful or even respectful either.

You might consider a plan for a fairly simple and straight forward means of getting the word out that respects important relationships, but note that this doesn't mean coddling or otherwise being overly sensitive about getting it done fairly quickly once you open the channel.  Just know that if you wait very long while coming out you'll likely loose any ability to manage the initial narrative (you may not care but you loose the high ground of transparency if you do so).  Of course, the idea that you will manage it for long is a myth so don't take any elaborate steps to do so.  Communicate and then respond as the discourse about your transition evolves.

I know this sounds like you are almost like some ineffectual prop in all this; quite the contrary, you are the reason and purpose for the communication and this provides you a platform to begin creating your future out in the world.  However, social networks communicate in ways such that it is not inherently manageable, except at the macro level, despots excluded of course and you are far to sweet to be despotic . . . dramatic and charming I can imagine!      Let me suggest your role is to be true to your word and be reasonable when at times the world around you is less so, and I sorry but at times it can difficult to do this but then you will have the new found strength of being yourself to cope.

Long may you enjoy the real you, for you deeply deserve it!

Best to you and yours,

Rachel