Hey everyone,

I wanted to talk about the dating life as a transgender person. I haven't seen any posts about it and would love to hear your stories of your dating life and also your advice. Before I start I don't want it to seem like I am putting trans woman in a category because we are not. We are ordinary woman just like anyone other woman. However, sharing the information to a man/woman that we were assigned a different sex at birth can have an effect on the relationship, both good or bad! Therefore, it's an interesting topic and isn't addressed that often. So anyways, I decided that I think I'm ready to try out the dating world. I have never dated anyone as a boy because I was to uncomfortable with myself but now I feel confident with who I am so I am excited to try this new adventure out. I am attracted to men, I'm not looking for a boyfriend at the moment and not in need of one but I think it's exciting to have fun and get to know guys. I have went out a few times and met guys but it never really lead to anything and I did not want to go any further with them because I did not tell them my situation because there was just too much going out where I was and wasn't focused on that. I have recently tried dating online and think it's really fun. I met a few guys so far that I like and they are ok with the fact that I am transgender. From my experience gay men are not attracted to me and straight men are obviously. Most of the men online did not care that I am transgender and only a few couldn't understand. A few guys I have a genuine connection with and some just wanted sex, but this happens with most girls. When I talk to a guy I just act like myself and don't take it to serious, just have fun with it. I also state that my gender identity is part of who I am but not who I am as a person. I have many great qualities about me and just represent myself as me, any other regular girl. I don't see myself getting into anything serious right now but before I explore more I wanted to hear about other woman here who have had any kind of relationship after sharing your situation. Also any advice will be appreciated.

Thanks dolls!!!!!!
Natalia

Hiya, i started my relationship before my surgery with a gay male.. And things were great because he respected me as a transgendered woman... He went to all the appointments with me, and was there for me... Which was fantastic to have that support... When i was in hospital he visited me every day. Brought me little presents. It was really nice... I have been with him for about 10 yrs now. And it has now been 7 months after my surgery. And well our relationship now has been strained. And we are now having problems because of well he is still gay and i am not.. Im now a straight woman.. So i dont know if things now will turn out good or bad. And it can be heartbraking thinking about it....

I think dating as a transwoman can be very difficult finding that balance between someone you love and trust and how the relationship will work... I will keep you posted on my situation but good luck in finding mister/missus right xx

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I can share a straight girls perspective (although I have has some very lovely ladies ask me out before and was flattered). I really started dating in college because my parents had a very strict no dating until you graduate and until i had bottom surgery I just wasn't comfortable with dating at all. Alot of times i meet people through friends of friends  or at public events like world of nations, dance class or weekend events like skating or the dog park (even did speed dating once and that was a blast). Guys have normally been respectable to me. And If we are going to be romantically envolved i let them know of my trans status. they are normally either curious with lots of questions about how and why as well if I had any surgery and i answer yes and tell them in a nice way about me and whats appropriate for when they encounter a trans person. so are just so super curious and dont believe you when you tell them. they will be like, "if you dont want to go out with me then just say so". but most guys are cool about it. two guys in the past werent yet both ended up asking for a second chance within a week. for some the problem comes in with telling their family or friends. I dated a guy in the military I actually told him not to tell anyone because he was up for promotion. he was glad i did understand. he was my last boyfriend and although we did care about each other alot he was not the one and he loved me way more than I did him so I had to break it off before he proposed. I've noticed i face all the same challenges my girlfriends face except the baby daddy one and they face all the same ones i do except the trans problem which really hasn't been a problem. you just have to find the right kind of person and not string them along because they really do get attached. one of the hardest lessons i have ever had to learn is dont play with peoples hearts and emotions for fun or out of boredom. its mean and cruel, so i dont do that anymore. but dating is fun and theres so many people in the world to pick from

As a lesbian I've had a decent amount of success using Ok Cupid and Tinder to find dates. At the beginning of my transition, I started dating an AFAB person who turned out later to be on the transmasculine spectrum - we've been together since mid-June and it's been great. Im also poly and still going out on dates once in awhile, mainly from Ok Cupid. At first I was kinda worried that I wouldn't be welcomed in the cis dyke community, but lately I've been feeling more attention directed my way from other dykes or bisexual girls.

Hihi I've always dated after my transition so I suppose I can help with that. I started trying to play the straight girl act when I was 17. It been on E 12 months and I looked passable enough with some boob growth etc and my sexuality was starting to become more fluid so even though I'd always preferred girls I did it from afar so I thought I could do with a guy in my life to look after me as I was living on my own at the time. I met this guy and he was really nice, has was 19 at the time and we were in college together. We had a good thing going but it didn't feel right because I didn't have strong enough romantic feelings for him as much I wanted to. We've stayed close friends since then.

Then I met my wife; I met her in a shop in a queue when she bumped into me by accident. We had a quick chat and went our separate ways until 2 weeks later I saw her again in the local LGBT bar (I was 18 by this point) and we recognised each other from our previous exchange. We got chatting and explained we were both into women, I am trans etc which she didn't mind at all. We swapped numbers and arranged a date. 3 and a half years later we are married and never happier. I think the people you meet have a lot to do with it tbh, most people don't seem to care anymore, give it a few more years and nobody will bat an eyelid

Good luck hunni! Xx

Hey everybody, I enjoyed reading your experiences I can relate to some of them.

I was seeing a man right before I transitioned and we both broke it off pretty quick when he found out I'm transitioning. I know girls that have had a man that's gay but stayed through the entire transition but they said it broke off when they got the srs surgery.

Another thing is, it's tricky to figure out who would actually date you in public and who would only want you behind closed doors in the bedroom. I feel a lot of men accept us woman for our past but not all would tell there friends or family that his girlfriend is trans. I think men holding back or telling people that his girlfriend is trans is not because of their feeling but more because of how fragile the word "straight" is. I feel like every group of guys that accept it, some won't have a problem but some will be scared to be bashed as "gay" when they are clearly not. I just think it's interesting how different every response is.

So far I've had more of a positive experience dating. Some are very intrigued about my past and asked many questions and think it's amazing and all. I think that as long as you feel like your in a good place and confident with yourself it will be ok.

Oh yea, something else I wanted to mention. When do you suggest I tell him? Bevause I usually tell guys upfront but sometimes I feel like I should hangout with him a couple times so he can get to know me for me and then I tell him. I would never tell someone after having sex or in real life. I usually say on phone lol.

Thanks for sharing I want to hear more updates on your love lives!
Enjoy!
Natalia

Dear Nattie:

How great to see you posting some more here.   

I'm older than dirt so my dating knowledge is . . . well, at least I can still spell the word!  As for when to disclose, it's a judgement call but waiting until deep intimacy is up in your relationship makes for tons of anxiousness and occasionally hurtful/emotional situations.  I think can you play it by ear and be realistic about being forthcoming about your gender before it could be a huge issue.

Hope that helps and keep up the posts,

Rachel

I don't think I would wait until intimacy to disclose but I would wait till after they get to know me so they realize that I'm just like any other woman

Dating as a transgendered woman is definitely hard and, in some cases, dangerous.
I consider myself a straight woman, and I met my boyfriend online about two years ago. Before him, however, I'd gone out on dates with other guys whom I also met online. Of course I've had few people hitting on me in public, but I never gave out my number, I just simply think it's safer that anyone who wants to get to know me knows what's really going on and what they are signing up for. Most of the people I met online either only want sex, or they have some sort of trans fetish, I don't really like to call it a fetish since there's nothing wrong with having certain preferences, but I have no idea what else to call it...  And for those who know my after SRS, how do I tell them etc.

depending on the guy if your post op they dont care as much