Hello to EVERYONE,
I have released myself from captivity! What's that supposed to mean? Are you crazy?, yes, but that's a whole different subject. So, where to begin. Well I guess first of all I will introduce myself, I AM Joanie Evelyn C*******. Not to sure if putting my whole name is allowed. I am chronologically 47 years old as of October, 5th and I am writing from Racine, Wi. Whew, got that out of the way.
My most recent turn of events began the last week of March 2015. On March 29, 2015 I found myself in quite a predicament. I was standing on the high speed rail tracks out in the county watching the lights of the engine coming around the curve towards me. This is it I said, finally all of this pain and suffering will be over. No more worries for me. Damn those lights are bright, I hope they don't see me, I am dressed in my typical all black. But wait, there is another way out, only you know the truth. The true root cause of all the pain and suffering you have been through for the last 37 years, the cause of all of these "Battle Scars" that you bear. You can admit the truth. Finally tell everyone WHO you REALLY ARE. Get the help you need to move forward and be TRUE to yourself and everyone around you. You may lose everyone and everything in your life but YOU ARE STRONG. You can rebuild yourself and finally be happy and free, you can do this. I turn and take about 10 steps to the left into the brush and wait and watch the train go by. I made a promise to myself, and this is the one I Will keep.
The next day I make a phone call to my Doctor whom is the only other person I've told, while I was semi-conscious one time while hospitalized. Two days later I'm sitting in her office, looked her in the eyes, and just said "Help". Is this what we talked about before? Yes was my simple reply. She referred my to a Psychiatrist and a therapist she knows and asked if she needed to worry about me. Not Any More I replied bringing a worried but understanding look to her face.
One week later I am Setting the Stage for the rest of my life by laying my whole story on the line sitting in front of my new therapist. Fully expecting it to be completely dismissed as other Psychiatric professionals have in the past. Wow, you are probably one of the most advanced, self accepting, determined, and balanced patients I've worked with she told me. It usually takes at least 6 months to a year to get to this point she tells me. Then I reminded her it took me 37 years, and she chuckled putting me at ease. She reassured me I was finally in the right place. And that was the LAST and ONLY time she saw me as a male. A few weeks later I see the Psychiatrist she works for and all were in total agreement. A clear cut case of Gender Dysphoria .
I'm Doing This Finally I told myself. I spent the entire next week informing everyone I knew. My parents, siblings, friends, clients(I'm self employed), coworkers, friends, and homophobic roommate. How on earth did I get through this seemingly impossible never approached before task? My new personal outlook on life. I am ME, This is who I am and always have been, this doesn't change who I am but it will change how I look and act, it will finally allow me to be comfortable and natural. If you don't like it go <Not Permitted> yourself it's been nice knowing you. Wow, how easily that worked for me. I only lost one relationship and so many more have been strengthened.
From my first session I had a two year gradual transition plan. Yeah, Right! I was now me, I've been accepted, this is for real. One week later I was on the fast track. My therapist saw me as a woman for the first time, I worked all day like that. Now there's no turning back. I did it. And I have never looked back. On May 7, 2015 with the recommendations and support of my health care team, I began Hormone Replacement Therapy and it has changed my life. I am happier, more cheerful, more well balanced, and much clearer thinking. Everyone notices this about me. The end of May I went to the courthouse and filed the paperwork for a legal name change. July 1, 2015 with a resounding yes and a congratulations and good luck from the Judge my motion was granted. Is this real?
My only setback to date was that on July 19, 2015, I was involved in, and seriously injured in a head on collision with an uninsured drunk driver who decided to leave his unregistered car and flee the scene. I am recovering well and am very lucky to be alive. Glad I have good insurance. But, This has not deterred me even the slightest bit and has only proven to make me a stronger and more determined woman.
If you have managed to read through this, Thank you. I am not a writer, nor am I a typist. this was meant to be a simple introduction but once it started the words wouldn't stop and there was no easy place to break off.
I AM happy to be alive. I still seems strange to say sometimes. I AM FREE! I AM ME! I HAVE BEEN RELEASED FROM THE CAPTIVITY OF MYSELF NEVER TO RETURN THERE AGAIN!
Thank You All,
Joanie Evelyn
Thank you to the creators of this site, over the years I have visited here many times and have found much continued encouragement and inspiration to go forward.
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