For Christmas 2015, I'm planning to visit my boyfriend's family with him in Colorado. Right now, we both live in Mississippi. We have been together for about one year now. I've never seen snow, and I love the idea of snow, so I really want to go to a place that has snow. My boyfriend's family is in Colorado and offered to house us for Christmas. If I like it there, we are planning to completely move there. We are both 19 and all we have is a car and a backpack full of stuff that we can call our own. We are both from broken families. I am transgender, female to male, and my adoptive dad molested me. I don't have the strength to tell anyone since he recently got married to a woman who has a son and daughter a year or two younger than me. Well, I've decided I don't care about telling anyone and that I'd rather just leave. without even telling anyone, but for now I am still living with my dad and his new wife and her kids.
Christmas is coming up soon and my boyfriend's parents paid for tickets for my boyfriend and I to visit them. I'm getting a little anxious and I can't wait to leave.
I don't know if I'm allowed to say it on here, but I'm moving to Fort Collins, Colorado. I haven't started college here in Mississippi because I'll be moving and I think the process to transfer would be too annoying. I also have not spoken to any professionals about me being transgendered. In seventh grade, I told my psychologist that I felt like a boy since I was a kid and begged her not to tell my mom. Of course, she told my mom. After my visit, my mom beat me repeatedly that day, ending the beating with "do you need to go to a mental hospital, am I a bad mother, what did I do to make you feel that way, do you hate me?", etc. After that, I never told anyone else. In ninth grade, I tried telling my friends, but Mississippi is highly religious. My friends denied everything I said and told me that it was just a phase. In tenth grade, a boy I had a crush on, Kenny, came out as being bisexual, then gay, and then finally as transgender. He is now Kaylee, but everyone still denied my ->-bleeped-<-, as if being born a girl and feeling like a boy was nonexistent while wanting to be a beautiful girl was normal and people understood Kaylee's feelings.
When I got a girlfriend, I told her about my transgender feelings. She immediately sexualized it. She couldn't wait for me to get a cock to <not allowed> her with. No matter how much I told her that surgery is useless and I don't want to change my body with surgery, she would not stop thinking about me with a dick, even a strap-on. She eventually cheated on me with a boy in university, and I started dating one of my friends. He understood my feelings. He calls me by male pronouns, but not the name I've chosen: Jasper. Instead, he calls me Shan. I never liked my name (Shana), but when he calls me Shan, it's ok, I accept him calling me that.
We hate our lives here. We share the same doctor in our tiny town, and he refuses to even treat our anxiety, recommending we just simply go to church. We decide not to fight him and just stop going to him.
I'm hoping to start transitioning in Colorado. I'm hoping to go from wearing size 38 pants to maybe 32 or 34. I'm hoping to lose enough weight to get rid of my triple D breasts. I want to lose my plump thighs. I want to transition into the male form I'm hoping for. I also want to start testosterone. Hopefully without therapy if I can. I wouldn't be able to spend a lot of money, obviously.
If anyone is in Fort Collins, Colorado, could you tell me your experiences? What is the weather like? What is the place like? What are some stores? What are the people like? What is the trans community like?
I'm used to 80-90F all year round, sun and heat all year, high 80+% humidity all year, random rains from Atlantic and Gulf storms, fear of hurricanes, etc. I'm used to southern accents, racism, anti-LGBT, peacefulness on Sundays from 6am-12pm because the entire town is at church, and everyone with a confederate flag. I'm used to buildings being empty, no businesses except for Wal-mart, McDonald's, Wendy's, KFC, Popeye's, Taco-Bell, etc. Very few, if any, local businesses.
How easy was it to start testosterone? Are the doctors and psychologists actual professionals and do not force their beliefs on you or refuse treatment or do unethical things?
We are planning to move to Colorado during the summer of 2016.
