Anyone having trouble coping with being female? I don't want to go on a whole long rant just now, but there are times that being female is just overwhelming. I never thought there would be so much difference but it just shows how blind and ignorant I was when I was pretending to be male. Now I deal with men and their attitudes towards women, which now apply to me and cause me some conflicting feelings... Like, as much as I hate dealing with male stereotypical behaviors and jerks and over-sexed bullies, I still really like a lot of those same behaviors. I've become very feminist but at the same time my sex-drive can push me towards some very conflicting feelings that go so contrary to all that as to be misogynist. I'm sure a lot of women experience that... being feminist but also having things like rape fantasies. It's a hard thing to wrap my head around sometimes. Female brains are uh.. I could say crazy but I'll say 'complex and conflicted'... And undecided for sure. But yeah, I have a fear of men that I can't explain, daddy issues which I can explain but hadn't realized previously, and strong feminist attitudes. It all seems to come out a mess though and the way a lot of these issues manifest, well.. I'm not too proud of myself for some of it.. I suppose the core issue I have is the complete conflict between my wanting to be this strong independent woman and still wanting an as***le man to treat me like s**t... Like is it my sex drive messing with me? Is this just a thing I have to deal with as a lot of other straight/ish women go through? Cause then there are times I am very feminist and feel like the reason women have so many issues is because of men putting us down, stunting our social, emotional, and intellectual growth, instilling this male-dominated culture, causing us so many complexes, and making us feel inferior and sorry for it. I look around at my gender and sometimes feel disgusted, like we can do so much better than this. But then, I still have my daddy issues, I still seek male attention, approval, etc. and I perpetuate our perceived role in society... and this is on top of worries about going out at night, how I look, feminine health issues (my mom helped me discover a lump that I might need to watch), and zillions of other things that may or may not be actual things. It's all just hard sometimes... :/ Occasionally I'll even just look down and be baffled at not having a flat chest.

Who, me? Eh. I dunno.

I despise the sexism but I fight it with grace rather than fire. In the end I come off as a strong, intelligent woman. It helps that I have a good education from a top university in a damn hard field (electrical engineering). So people respect me.

As mentioned before I get attention in person but rarely any online. I don't get jerks at all. I do get (presumably) single dads often with kids in tow. I dunno, maybe it's the aura I give off (and being in my 30s, plus where I am generally). They chat me up but nicely. I also live in a very conservative town. I like it here. It's laid back and family oriented.

I get Indian guys too some of whom do wild things. Well I am if Indian ethnicity so there is that.

Honestly my biggest issue is reproductive. If I could have a uterus and bear children I would be a very happy camper. I know you'd say, "who wouldn't be" but in my case because I'm a parent already I know what it's like to have a young one depend on you for their survival. But I still have a strong bond with my kids.

I don't worry about going out at night that much. Yeah it concerns me but not enough to go crazy over. I'm pretty smart about it.

It also could be that because I did not grow up in America that my feelings are different. The assertiveness of women is a first world thing, I've seen. In the old country, women were assertive but not to the level that Americans are. We don't stress over every little thing. We don't pick apart how women have this lower standing etc. not saying it's wrong, it's just different. When we need to fight we fight. When we need to simply pave our own way we do.

Ashey, I can completely relate to your experience. It seems like I have also become a bit of a man hater with their arrogant attitude and brashness when it comes to their privilege in society. However, I can also understand why some men consider us witches coz of the way our mind works and I must say until now I am still dealing with the roller coaster of emotions and irrational behaviour that sometimes surprises me. And I truly get what you mean by I want to be Miss Independent but I also want a man at the end of the day to spoil me but I think this is a normal female emotion and the reason why I know is because my friends are mostly women and this is their exact sentiment. I also have those rape fantasies LOL a man putting a woman in her place is kinda sexy..anyways TMI.

In the end, I guess we just need to be us and at least go beyond the norm that society expects a woman to be. I just feel sometimes we are being scrutinized from both sides of the gender spectrum.

Quote from: Ashey on November 22, 2015, 08:58:52 AM
Anyone having trouble coping with being female? I don't want to go on a whole long rant just now, but there are times that being female is just overwhelming. I never thought there would be so much difference but it just shows how blind and ignorant I was when I was pretending to be male. Now I deal with men and their attitudes towards women, which now apply to me and cause me some conflicting feelings... Like, as much as I hate dealing with male stereotypical behaviors and jerks and over-sexed bullies, I still really like a lot of those same behaviors. I've become very feminist but at the same time my sex-drive can push me towards some very conflicting feelings that go so contrary to all that as to be misogynist. I'm sure a lot of women experience that... being feminist but also having things like rape fantasies. It's a hard thing to wrap my head around sometimes. Female brains are uh.. I could say crazy but I'll say 'complex and conflicted'... And undecided for sure. But yeah, I have a fear of men that I can't explain, daddy issues which I can explain but hadn't realized previously, and strong feminist attitudes. It all seems to come out a mess though and the way a lot of these issues manifest, well.. I'm not too proud of myself for some of it.. I suppose the core issue I have is the complete conflict between my wanting to be this strong independent woman and still wanting an as***le man to treat me like s**t... Like is it my sex drive messing with me? Is this just a thing I have to deal with as a lot of other straight/ish women go through? Cause then there are times I am very feminist and feel like the reason women have so many issues is because of men putting us down, stunting our social, emotional, and intellectual growth, instilling this male-dominated culture, causing us so many complexes, and making us feel inferior and sorry for it. I look around at my gender and sometimes feel disgusted, like we can do so much better than this. But then, I still have my daddy issues, I still seek male attention, approval, etc. and I perpetuate our perceived role in society... and this is on top of worries about going out at night, how I look, feminine health issues (my mom helped me discover a lump that I might need to watch), and zillions of other things that may or may not be actual things. It's all just hard sometimes... :/ Occasionally I'll even just look down and be baffled at not having a flat chest.

I believe that it's more about what you choose to buy into. Gender roles are affirming to a point... I found that I can easily get lost in them. The less I think about guy/girl stuff the happier I am, and the more enjoyable daily life becomes.

If I thought more deeply about it, I suppose that part of my views could be skewed by me not wanting anything intimate from guys... and nothing turns me on more that a strong woman, who is steadfast in her convictions.

I've seen the "a*****e" thing work many a time, I had even tried it on occasion. I could never get past the self loathing that comes with pretending to be something I'm not, and the utter disgust of treating someone so poorly. In the end, I couldn't see myself keeping up that false persona in order to keep the other person happy.

It's human nature to seek approval... Where I choose to get it, and what I'm willing to accommodate in my life is totally up to me.

LOL I think that kind of fantasies are pretty common. I got them too. But one thing are sex fantasies and other thing (completely different) is how you get treated the rest of the day on all the other departments.

It doesn't have to be conflicting at all. One thing is what I want when I get naughty, and other is what I want as an equal individual.

sorry your having these issues  . The thing is if a man treated like (    ) he'd see me waving goodbye.  Woman have been considered  sub human by different cultures and considered to be property by others. I have absolutely no interest in being treated in any other fashion than an equal partner.

I can relate to that (I don't have rape fantasies though...) and in my case it's my sex drive... Once I take care of my business I simply feel bad about thinking such thing as if I woke up from a dream. As of whether it's normal or not I would say that sexuality and feminism or independence are different things.

I would start by saying that not all man are this way toward women, at most 10% of the men I meet are this way (even if they are the loud ones). Which leads me to my second statement, not all women want to be treated this way in their fantasy and actually prefer domination while a lot of men actually have fantasies about being dominated... It's not really gender dependent, but ''genetic(?)'' roles dependent (dominant/dominated). Sexuality is about what your body is into, you have little to no control over that while your ideas and independence are about your brain. There's little to no reason to mix the 2 as they are unrelated.

Anyway, you should think of it as an opportunity to understand that some part of feminism (and any ideal in general) are wrong and inaccurate and that ultimately everyone is different and wants to be treated differently in different situation... (the fact that you want to be treated ''badly'' in a relationship doesn't mean you want to be treated badly everywhere else) Nothing wrong with that as long as you're not hurting anyone. As to whether or not you should act according to your libido or brain, it's really up to you and shouldn't define you as a good or bad person.

You must realize that you are in some way just starting your teenage years. You are learning to deal with the opposite sex. Our views are tainted and we have a lot to learn and relearn. Make sure to give yourself some time before you make any long term commitments. You've got to learn to find your place and establish your needs. A jump to quick will be one you'll regret. I learned the hard way.

Cindi