Just got home a little while ago from my second visit with my therapist. I feel terrible. The last 5 days have been very dark for me, full of doubt, and the thoughts of "what the hell am I doing" so, I was so looking forward to this session. After what I felt was a very good, and productive first visit I've come away from this one feeling very discouraged, and wondering if she is the right therapist for me.

  She came to the session totally unprepared, (or at least that's how I felt half way through) and we spent the majority of the time going over ground we had already covered in the first visit. And on three occasions tonight she asked questions that she had asked just 20 minutes prior as if she had never asked them before.  (Mundane questions like where my wife works)  It was as if she wasn't even there and was just going through the motions. The conversation just wandered aimlessly with no direction.  I've already got hundreds of thoughts coming at me from multiple directions, I was hoping for some direction. I received none. And in the end I was shuffled out......15 minutes early.  Gee, THANKS. I'm wondering now if she didn't just check the gender identity box on her way down the list without really being versed in it.   

  To be honest, maybe I was expecting to much, I don't know. I realize it'll be a long journey and she can't just wave her magic wand (unfortunately), but I thought therapy could give me something to think about, perhaps challenge me a bit, and above all, give me some hope and direction. Right now I feel hopeless and lost.

  Anyway, I sincerely hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!

  Hugs

  Post script:
  Rereading this I realized how down and negative I sounded so I wanted to end this on a positive note.  Last Friday I polished my nails for the first time ever!  A pale shade of red. OMG! I couldn't stop looking at my hands! Kind of silly I suppose but hard to describe how happy that made me deep down inside. I fought back the tears when I looked at them in the mirror, hand over my heart. I realize that sometimes it's the little things that bring me the most joy.

Love, Savannah

One of the tenets of a great therapy relationship, and it is a relationship, is you have to always feel valued and well tended too . . . not necessarily comfortable the all time or easy-peesy 50 minutes sessions.  For wthout your near blind (take this with a grain of salt) willingness to share and open up and still feel safe and well cared for, you don't have a great therapy relationship.

Only you know how this matter is truly going for you.  I'd be sure at your next visit the therapist knows that you weren't well cared for at your last visit.  If that conversation is defensive or otherwise unsatisfactory, I'd thank the therapist and leave without further adieu. 

You shouldn't feel the least hesitant here.  If the therapist isn't meeting your legitimate needs, you must find another.

Take care and please let us know things go,

Rachel

I had a somewhat similar situation with my psych, and I agree with Rachel.

There was no problem with the psych, he was very professional, but they way he did things was incompatible with my way of seeing things. I'm hardly typical so its no reflection on him.

I came away from the first session with a very uneasy feeling, and it got worse the more I thought on it. In the second session I started out saying there was a problem and that if we didn't resolve it I wouldn't come back for a third, then we had it out for the rest of the session. Just to be clear, I was very confrontational. Among other reasons, if he can't deal with that he's not the psych for me. It turned out really well, I went back for a lot more sessions, and he helped me enormously.

Depending on where you live a real gender therapist is difficult, if not impossible, to find. A therapist with some real TG experience and 'some' knowledge is about the best you can do. A local TG support group is best for first hand recommendations.

  I want to thank all of you that have taken time to respond to my post. It means a great deal to me I assure you.

I will certainly take the advice offered and let her know how I feel at my next session. I had considered, on my way home from the last visit, emailing her my feelings, but these things are better taken care of in a face to face meeting I believe. I have certainly told her my deepest secrets and have been 100% honest. Not to do so would be, in my opinion, doing myself and our relationship a great disservice. And,as I said earlier, I expect to be challenged, and not all sessions will be easy, this I know. But the last session was so awkward, so without direction, and I left so confused (for lack of a better word) I don't know how she could not of picked up on it.

  Where I live (commonly referred to as fly over country) there are 5 or so therapists that list transgender issues in their curriculum, but not in their area of specialty. For that I would have to travel 100 miles, making it a bit out of reach for me. However, I have thought of contacting her to see if perhaps she does internet or phone counseling. Also, there's a small pflag group that meets once a month about 30 miles away that I have thought about attending. They may have information on who might be best to see for therapy.

  Thanks again,
     
   Hugs

 

When it comes to therapists you gotta go with your gut. If they don't feel right and have you leaving the session feling confused or insecure about things that's a red flag and you might wanna drop em.

I'm glad you mentioned internet counseling (I'm assuming that means skype or the like), because in your situation that sounds like the best option. I hope you find a good therapist. Its a pain finding the right one, but they are worth it.

Quote from: Savannah 51 on November 27, 2015, 09:22:02 PM
  Where I live (commonly referred to as fly over country) there are 5 or so therapists that list transgender issues in their curriculum, but not in their area of specialty. For that I would have to travel 100 miles, making it a bit out of reach for me. However, I have thought of contacting her to see if perhaps she does internet or phone counseling. Also, there's a small pflag group that meets once a month about 30 miles away that I have thought about attending. They may have information on who might be best to see for therapy.

Where I used to live and where I first took on the trans-beast for real, one would call it HillBillie country. My "Local" TG support group was 90 miles away. Any for real gender clinic or therapist were about 150 miles to Pittsburgh or DC. A far cry different from where I was living just outside NYC, or "Trans-Central" as my wife puts it 

Many PFLAG chapters from what I have experienced are pretty good at supporting trans youth. Some pretty amazing advocates can be found there. One woman out of Baltimore gave an amazing impassioned speech during her testimony before the Maryland Senate committee on a TG RIghts bill. A man here in the Monmouth/Ocean County NJ group just published an Everything you wanted to know about being a trans youth but was afraid to ask book. He is an encyclopedia of knowledge on all things trans. The meetings I've gone to tend to be more oriented towards support for trans youth and parents (surprise surprise). Actually, a LOT more for the parents coping. The kids mostly are doing amazingly great. A FAR cry different from the 1960's. At the very least the moderator will likely have leads on who in the area is best to see.

Many therapist these days seem to be doing, or open to doing, Skype sessions. Mine has offered that as a solution for my wife who doesn't travel well. It may take a face to face or two to get to that point.

When I first started seeking out support I tried the Psychology Today doc find. Many do tick off the "Gender Issues" box it seems. Many also do seem to think that means they paid attention for that one class when it was gone over.    It pays to arrange a 5-10 minute call/interview to touch on specifics on experience and knowledge.

Quote from: JoanneB on November 28, 2015, 06:47:54 AM
When I first started seeking out support I tried the Psychology Today doc find. Many do tick off the "Gender Issues" box it seems. Many also do seem to think that means they paid attention for that one class when it was gone over.    It pays to arrange a 5-10 minute call/interview to touch on specifics on experience and knowledge.

In my first session with my psych he said a few things which indicated a lack of experience, and I know for sure he had already seen quite a few trans people. It wasn't the big issue I had with him but it was another flag. As I mentioned above I did continue with him and it did work out well, so lack of experience is not critical. Being good at his job made up for it.

He had been personally recommended by someone I respect.

Most good therapist will arrange a pre-first visit interview and/or insure the first thing after the face-to-face, meet-and-greet is the interview.  It's so important to get started off on the right footing.  In my case, we had a 10-15 minute phone interview she initiated, and I was pretty sure she was right for me after that interview.  We occasionally checked in on this matter over the 4 years of therapy we were together, where the last 20 months were monthly visits more about life and womanly things that I wanted someone to talk to that didn't an agenda other than my well-being.

She was/is a terrific therapist and we still occasionally EM each other just to say hello or pass something along professionally of interest.

Take care,

Rachel

:[ i'm sorry to hear about your experience. i went to my first therapy a few months ago. i didn't know what to expect because i've never gone to one before. it was more like let's do it. i know i need it.

we all know a therapist has lot of clients, but at least they have to remember the basics and has to tend to our needs. i feel like going therapies is like going to an ice cream store. if it doesn't meet your needs, you can find some better places.
i remembered the first time i cried like a baby meeting her. it was just she did a lot of questions to get to know me and see how it goes. but i haven't told anyone about any of these feelings, they're all bottled up. it wasn't easy, but it got better.

i just want someone nice, and that i feel i can trust, so it'll make me open and talk. i don't usually share feelings or anything like that. it's been hard.
i'm a FTM, but i have group therapies with some MTFs. i find it fascinating and tell my therapy to let me join. figure we have a lot in common, we're just like at 2 different ends of the spectrum trying to cross a road. lol. and they have to travel to visit this therapy as she's not really in any of us cities :[ i agree with others, if it's so difficult to find therapies in your area, online sessions would be a better idea. it seems better to me regarding me being an introvert, you don't have to see the person face to face :x lol.