So first things first my name's Emily, I go by Leda on video games / internet. I hope you're having a fantastic day or night. <3

Ok so this is kinda a rant/help post. Now I don't want to sound like I'm crying for attention or anything weird. I made a post not too long ago asking for advice, I don't think i put enough info in there for those helping to realize my situation to its full extent. So I'm just making this to have it nice and fresh for those who would like to read or reply to me.

        I'm 15 years old "Girl" currently named Brett, I'm living as a male and hate it.
I noticed I was different when i was really young around 5-7 years of age, during those young ages i thought it was weird and not normal to have thoughts of being a girl so i hid it. I would dress up in my sisters clothing and go lock the bathroom door and look at myself, or even hide in her closet playing with her toys.

        Around the age of 10 my mother bought me a computer. I found a video game online that would let me communicate with people over in-game chat, no voice chat. I took advantage of this and thought dressing up was too weird and for kids. So i played said game for a long time, but one day i thought of the idea to change my in-game name to a name that fit me better (Leda). I'm not sure how to explain the feeling i felt playing as me, and talking like the person / gender i am. You all know what I'm talking about, the feeling that makes you feel like you just met yourself for the first time in your lifetime. I only feel this way playing games and being myself. When i was 11 I got the Xbox Slim. I never added anyone i knew because i didn't want them to find out that at the time, i didn't know what it was called (Transgender) etc. Anyway, I continued by going the next step and finding my voice, I was younger so it was easier to talk with a higher pitch. I loved it, everyone knew i was a girl on there, and never questioned me. Then, First day of 8th Grade, I wake up go to school without saying a word then i spoke to a friend outside and i noticed my voice got a little deeper (I got depressed). So that was it for the xbox voice chat, It hurts to talk like a girl, and plus the voice cracks from puberty. (I'm working on my voice now when no ones home)

(Years later)
So yea about a year ago i found out what "Transgender" and other words/things to do with us LGBTQ. I got so happy that i found out so many others experience the exact situation or close to the situation I have. I cried..
Then i knew what i had to do, Few months after that i told my mother through a wallpaper i made on my computer in Photoshop. I explained all of it with a pic in the background of a rose. See told me she supports me and same goes for my sister.

(months later)
Then, recently I've missed around 20 days of school, I'm struggling. She yells at me trying to get me up each morning but sometimes i just don't want to due to hating life. She tells me in the car when going to school "I don't know what you're going through but you need to stop and focus on school". I think she doesn't remember what i told her, thinks i'm going through a phase, or straight up ignoring it. On my other post the pretty woman told me to just tell her again, but you see I'm really shy and can't talk to my parents about this because i'm scared, especially of my dad (I'll talk about him soon). Sometimes i don't know what to do and just cant think straight.

(Dad)
First off I love my dad but hate his personality and his beliefs. I think he's selfish, ignorant, rude, and close minded.
He makes "Jokes" every day about LGBT. He calls me gay as a "Joke" and i laugh it off like I think hes funny, but honestly i don't I just want to cry and stop him. He tells my mom and all of us that if he ever had a gay son he'd never talk to him. (He thinks Transgender, etc. Are "gay") He also said if he had a trans son he would freak out. I should say "Trans Daughter". Honestly I just want to come out and be happy without everyone thinking I'm weird, but my parents friends are also close minded same with most in my community.

Why cant I just be 18 and on my own, Life sucks right now and I would like some help.
I'll edit if I missed something.

Love you all, Emily

Welcome to Susan's Place. I looked at both post and where you posted it both times might be over looked. The time of day also is a factor and sometimes you may need to bump your post to push it into a better position. The biggest problem is you didn't really request anything specific. General information is all over this site and we could never fit it all into this thread. Rant over.

I still don't really know what will help you but I will give it a shot. First, sorry to sound like your parents but you do need to work on school. The transition is costly and if you don't get help from your parents, you will have to find a good paying job and do it yourself.

Next issue is getting your parents on your side. Sadly sometime that doesn't happen and all we can to is to keep you company until you are able to take care of your medical needs. We can educate you so you can present your case better. Sometimes you can get a school consoler or another trusted adult to help you present your case to your parents. I wrote a letter that might help you understand yourself a bit but it can also be given to your parents. The following link will take you to it.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190312.0.html

If you can win your parents over, you will receive blockers that will stop your puberty development but without your parents help, that won't be possible. As for your voice, I suspect you are doing it incorrectly as it's hurting. We can work on the correct way of doing it but in my case my voice was so low I needed surgery to push it into the higher male range. From there my trained voice takes it to the female range. Now I have a post in your thread, you will have one reader every time you make an update. It will show up on my notification list with the other threads I watch and when I have the time I will respond to your questions.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
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I apologize for the confusion on the other post, I'm going through a lot and felt like i wasn't specifying anything.

I want to clarify, I never meant that no one reads it. Sorry if I put something in there saying that, too emotional. I have a headache right now, I'll edit the confusion soon.

Also i meant when puberty first started my voice hurt trying to make it high. I was young so probably didn't know how to do it, I'm still young but i figured it out after practice. Pretty happy with my voice.

Thank you so so much. You're so beautiful. I'll try my best to go to a school counselor, if i can find one that fits well.

Love Emily

Both post are fine and you don't need to edit them. I decided to post on this one because it had more detail and if I started the conversation, somebody else might join the thread and post more on it.

I know others were reading the thread but we try not to post on a thread if we don't have something to contribute. The exception is introductions because often people will go through all the new people and just welcome them to the site. This location is a good location for what you are asking but people really didn't understand what you needed. I could only guess what you needed and that was what I put in my post hoping some of it would be useful.

Thank you for the complement about my picture but a word of warning, that picture was taken about 1986 but it's the most current picture I have. I spend my time behind the camera so nobody has took my picture in a long time.

1986, 1999, 2015.... Who cares.. you're down right gorgeous either way. Thank you for the advice.

Emily

Hey Emily,

Just read through all that and I feel I have to say; don't wish your life away! I did and I decided I would leave home at 16 because I thought my parents would never accept me. Biggest mistake of my life!! I never see my parents and they have nothing to do with me. 5 years later I'm only just trying to make amends; hopefully one day soon I can rebuild the relationship because with age and experience I can see I didn't give them any time to deal with it and I expected them to process it in minutes and I got really stubborn when they asked awkward questions. Very childish I know but I was 16 and although mature enough to know who I was, not mature enough to see how the change affected those around me. I'm a parent myself now and I think that really helped me get it, even though my little one is only 3 months old!

Trust me, it gets easier in time and also as you grow older you see more of the world and are able to take in feelings more accurately. Far be it for me to talk down to you as the one who messed her relationship with her parents up, but they do say your emotional intelligence doesn't fully develop until you're about the age I am now and I can vouch for that!! What you're dealing with is a huge change, something we can all understand here but it's amazing how time heals things and allows people to process information. I'm sure with time your parents and siblings can come to accept you. As for school, yeah its important but so is your happiness and well being. Hopefully with time it'll all work out. It's a lifelong transition and it never really stops but from my experience growing up and looking back at pictures of old me I think wow, I'm so happy with how I've ended up. I was a properly ugly kid growing up with big jam jar glasses and over ear hearing aids (I'm almost totally deaf btw) but thanks to puberty, HRT and modern tech I'm happy I've turned out ok and I think I appreciate what I have so much more because I had to wait and I worked for it.

Take care hun and if you need anything I can help you with, just let me know xx

Sasha thank you so much. I have a feeling I over think things too hard to the point i forget the bigger picture. I appreciate you taking your time to share some of the unhappy moments and your mistakes. But everyone makes mistakes and deep down inside those mistakes can be fixed over time or forgotten through happiness. Your family's absolutely gorgeous, TBH I'm pretty jealous on how pretty you are. Anyway thank you for the advice and talk, I'll cherish what you've shared to me.

-Emily

Aww you do flatter it's taken a while but I'm happy with the result! Hopefully you're right and I can start repairing my mistakes. Funny how life changes your perspective no matter how much you say it won't at the time.

Take care and stay strong hunni

Sash xx

Hi Emily!
I'm so pleased you came here for a little support.
I'm mom to a 21 year old trans girl. She came out to us just a little over 2 years ago with the help of a boyfriend she met over Internet and gaming. It took us almost a year to get to HRT.
She was already 6 feet tall and over 250 pounds when she came out. I cried for ages, mostly because I believed life would have been easier if we all came to terms with it years earlier.  I knew that transition at this point could never "fix" everything.
Regardless,  it's been hard for her Dad and the past 2 years have been little better than the last 5 before coming out. She is still isolated and not moving forward in life. But with more than a year of HRT, she's feeling a little better about her own identity and her Dad has finally begun to grasp that she is still his child and needs him to see her as she moves forward with her chosen name and pronouns.
We are moving forward as a family. We feel fortunate that we are together and can rely on each other. We're not perfect. Transition isn't smooth but we are growing just life before!
I am happy my girl can become herself!
I am here to tell you, many parents will struggle with this change of perspective but we are in a better time for self-realization.
You can be your true self with more safety and resources than ever before. Many folks here have walked the paths that lie before you. They are a valuable resource for support. Keep growing into yourself without concern for labels. It's your life and you have the world before you. A happy human is a blessing to all around them.
Emily, keep growing,  explore your doubts and fears, but don't stop seeking your whole self.
Know it's okay to change over your entire life. Find what works and who works with you.
Welcome to the next steps.
Take what comes and move beyond what doesn't work for you.
You can be okay!

Hey Emily,

I am sitting here typing this and am so amazingly admirable of you (is that a word?) I am also 15 year-old mtf and just totally 100% admire your courage in so many ways. I wish it could be so so much easier for you, truly, I do. I was reading your post and noticed that you didn't mention if you had any supportive (or negative) friends. Because for me, I defiantly think friends (and stuffed animals) make all the difference.
I hope you continue fighting, and it gets better.