((If this is in the wrong place, Admin feel free to move it!))
Hey everyone, Colin here. I haven't been here or posted in ages, but I've been a bit busy getting my health back in shape. My anxiety kicked in full swing, followed by depression, lack of appetite(Due to the stress/anxiety), and I had to get my asthma under control. Have been on antidepressants for 5 weeks tomorrow(2 weeks of one does, 3 weeks of a higher one) and I'm doing well, but still not all the way back to my full potential health-wise.
ANYWAY, so Monday I'm going down to the district court to hopefully file for a name change from my love given name Melody Alisha K. to my chosen name, Colin Baden K.
I'm really excited, my friends are excited, my therapist is excited, my parents, less excited. My mom thinks it's disappointing, and my dad still thinks I'm going through a phase and I'll snap out of this because 'I'll always be a girl'.
Yeah, he's one of those people who doesn't believe in a difference between sex and gender, but he also didn't understand why I couldn't do heavy physical labour despite having asthma and getting winded when I walk down the street.
He's been incredibly frustrating and I don't have any desire to speak with him about any of this subject. Especially not after I came out to him and he pretty much tore me down, accusing me of wanting to mutilate my body and thinking that I was trying to get something out of 'becoming a guy'. He's just aggravating and annoying. We don't get along, we have nothing in common, and he has no compassion or empathy and while he and I are both extremely stubborn, he is controlling/authoritative and I am wildly independent (Independent in my mind... my health disagrees with that.)
It's just stressful when family isn't supportive. My mom is still in the same boat of trying to be supportive and calling me what I want to be called, and trying to appease dad by calling me my birth name and whatnot. I feel for her being stuck between us both, because she just wants to make everyone happy and comfortable. She's been supportive, but naturally she struggles. She tells me she just wants me to do what makes me happy.
So I'm getting my name changed, whether they want me to or not. It's not a phase, I was writing about it today, and I have definitely always felt more like a male, or confused why I wasn't a male, and I know that I do not want to live seeing my birthname on all my documents and medical records for the rest of my life, even if I make Colin my 'nickname' or my name socially just not legally. I WANT it to be my legal name. Along with that, my therapist is going to send in a letter to the DMV along with my name change paper to get my gender on my drivers license to 'M', so I'm really excited about that.
Hopefully this new year will really start out with me being really me.
On top of that, I'm still debating testosterone(leaning towards it daily, but not likely to happen until I move out due to my father...) and I definitely want top surgery.
So I kind of have a plan, but I'm not rushing the hormones and surgery. Name change comes first, and hopefully my health will get to the point I can go out, get a job, save up money, and move to where my real friends are.
Oh, also I'm not totally certain what to write for my reason of changing my name. Here in WA it's illegal to discriminate based on being trans I'm pretty sure, and I KNOW they're not allowed to deny a name change based on choosing a name that appears to be opposite of your biological sex, and I don't like lying, so I'm thinking I'll just put
"I feel more comfortable and confident with this name than my given birth name due to my gender identity and personal life and preferences." or something like that
