I guess Im just whining a bit....

30 minute showers to shave, exfoliate, wash hair
not to mention the "nair" days or the epilation time I spend
then we have the time to be nice and pluck around the moles

Ive been lotioning with Amlactin to combat my PK condition (it works!)
thats 15 minutes, twice a day

Makeup and hair is about 30 minutes

I spend a couple hours reading this forum

I talk about "it" for a couple hours a day with my wife...moreso I talk negative

I dance for at least 1 hour every day, most days its 3-4 hours
I do an hour of weight training every other day, this is trying to shape my legs, butt, torso into a more girly shape

Ive gotten into photos lately, this is to try and convince myself I look good enough (for me) to go outside as a girl
Ive been spending 2-3 hours a day taking videos of myself, I then transfer to editing program to "pluck" still shots
I have found this to be the best way to capture myself the way I see me in the mirror. Then I have to drop them into photoshop for cropping, sizing and then I go delete the uglies... which runs about 50/50

Every day I say... Im ready to put a pic up here, at least an avatar... yet when its time, none are good enough

And I have realized there is no way around the head hair issue... the photos have revealed the stark truth, I am balding big time. So I either need a wig or keep a bandana on at all times (which is part of my "male" regular look anyway) So what my point is I have to say I fret over my negative aspects for a couple hours a day

What could I do with that time and energy

I have nearly given up guitar, which used to be my main focus...and I havent done any recording in months...even though I sit here in a pretty sweet home studio, my 24 channel mixer desk is now a place where my girl clothes lay and pile up during the numerous clothes swaps for photo taking

This has become such alot of work and Im not sure what I am getting from it

Im one half girl and one half guy and not sure how to just be myself

Im afraid I cant become a cute girl because

Im big
Im hairy
I look masculine half the time
I have balls (but very little dick sorry)
I have beard shadow

Im afraid I cant be a man because

I have tits
I have a female shaped abdomen (im sorta pear shaped)
I look feminine half the time
I have a small dick

Im going to stop complaining and go take a 30 minute shower....

It's normal to spend that amount of time doing those things. It's kind of new, some months/years later you will spend less time on them as something else will be more exciting (or because there will be less work to do). That's pretty much how human's life goes, don't sweat it.

However the rest is kinda puzzling...

Gender is a spectrum, girl/boy those are just 2 options among many... Just be who you want to be on the moment or more accurately who you feel comfortable to be on the moment.

Well, it sounds like you have figured out what goes on behind the magic curtain, while you've been waiting for that date that's always late... lol...

In all seriousness, you must enjoy some of these aspects... Otherwise it'd have gone the way of the dodo. It's early on still. Think of it as your teenage years. Some of these routines you'll keep, some you'll cut corners, and some you're going to toss out completely.

Skin care and hair removal is more of a pain currently, as you're fixing years of neglected real-estate. A lot of girls won't shave much in the fall/winter. Once body hair slows, you can get some of that time back. Make up is a skill, and once developed it's not very time consuming. An easily cut corner is foundation and a little mascera/lipstick done... 10 to 15 minutes max... unless you're going out to paint the town, then it's probably an hour. Lump your dancing in as cardio and call it gym time.

30 minute showers sound lovely! Sounds like high water pressure heaven!!

No comment on the pictures... that's a personal thing. But the best pictures are candid from a distance. Selfies and staged pictures will always look forced...

Enjoy your time as a full grown tween.. not everyone is so lucky to have this opportunity to be a kid twice. LOL...

XXXX Hugs!

Thats what I struggle with, absolutes... I mean I dont know how to live in the gray, I guess I need to learn


I do enjoy the process alot of the time

and I do dance as cardio.... its the only exercise I have ever enjoyed and its working fantastic!

I just have my bad days and this morning was one of them

just when I think things are getting better a day comes by and knocks me on my ass mentally

days when I think my body hair is getting, lighter, thinner, sparser... then bam I wake up to what feels like a jungle
I swear the hair growth ebbs and flows.... in some sort of cycle perhaps?

the head... well, Ill be starting a wig thread soon, Im sure

I have a real hard time seeing the good and the bad is is clear as a bell, thats just me and I dont know how to change that... its a rough road to travel