If there ever was a come to Jesus moment, it was last night. My stomach bulge from alcohol, gas, Subway, and cheetos. I stop eating around 10 p.m and drank at least 1 gallon since then. I feel normal now, but I weigh in this morning, Ill be honest - 196 lbs. I do not know if I look it. Dont care. I am technically obese. I know at least 5 to 10 lbs is water weight and bile.

Okay. That aside, its not the weight that is problem. You guys notice I made "bizarre" threads this weekend. I think it was borderline mania. My room became trash. I clean it up though... But wow.

The root issue is my not caring my current reality, coasting on temporary "escapism/denial (only food and alcohol)"...  Not even depress...

I think Im ready. My face hit rock bottom. Something got to give.

I think I have to start transistioning... Albeit even if its little actions. Prep.

What are your opinions on using social media tools like Youtube and blogger... Pretty much throwing myself on the line to get my transistion accomplish instead of just watching?

I feel like a tree blowing against a heavy storm, eventually I take root or I snap in two.

I think you may be spending to much time on the computer looking at social media and not enough working on the transition. I only look at youtube when I need a link and don't have a Facebook account. On the other hand, I spend about 8 hours a day on Susan's. I guess each of us has our own addictions 

Knowledge is power. If it's something that you want to do,  then it's well worth the effort. The heavy drinking would be counter productive to retaining the research.   But you're going to want to be in good health before you start. You're going to find out that you'll get much better results.

Best of luck with your transition!

I did a lot of research on YouTube before I jumped full in.

But be very very careful of "putting yourself out there" as there is NO erase button on the Internet and it is the fastest communication known to man.

You write the book about catharsis.

Quote from: Wild Flower on November 30, 2015, 08:33:51 AM
If there ever was a come to Jesus moment, it was last night. My stomach bulge from alcohol, gas, Subway, and cheetos. I stop eating around 10 p.m and drank at least 1 gallon since then. I feel normal now, but I weigh in this morning, Ill be honest - 196 lbs. I do not know if I look it. Dont care. I am technically obese. I know at least 5 to 10 lbs is water weight and bile.

Okay. That aside, its not the weight that is problem. You guys notice I made "bizarre" threads this weekend. I think it was borderline mania. My room became trash. I clean it up though... But wow.

The root issue is my not caring my current reality, coasting on temporary "escapism/denial (only food and alcohol)"...  Not even depress...

I think Im ready. My face hit rock bottom. Something got to give.

I think I have to start transistioning... Albeit even if its little actions. Prep.

What are your opinions on using social media tools like Youtube and blogger... Pretty much throwing myself on the line to get my transistion accomplish instead of just watching?

I feel like a tree blowing against a heavy storm, eventually I take root or I snap in two.

We can encourage you to feel better so that you and your room are not totally trashed and you don't end up with your face on the rocks.  Part of helping to stabilize that tree is to plant the seed deeply and that part was already done for you without a choice.  If we are trans it is progressive and with us till the end.  I would encourage you to make a commitment to yourself and your well being by accepting more of yourself and giving yourself some positive strokes.  If that includes a public statement you have gotten some practice here.  Social media is a lot of watching.  Are there real concrete steps that you are ready for?  Simply growing your hair and nails and talking about it is a start

Quote from: iKate on November 30, 2015, 12:19:23 PM
But be very very careful of "putting yourself out there" as there is NO erase button on the Internet and it is the fastest communication known to man.

Very true.  I'd first tell my friends and family. Secure your intimate circle before posting vids or pics