Hey guys,

I just started seeing a psychiatrist (only seen him once so far) and on our first meeting he asked a ton of questions, most of which I'd gotten before. I get kinda queasy when asked about sexual stuff/certain body parts and I guess I'm pretty shy when it comes to talking about these stuff even with friends. But anyways, there's this one question that's nagging at me because I still don't get what he was trying to get at. He asked me what I saw when I looked at my body, (specifically those certain body parts). My response was a very confused "I see what's there.." I mean I'm not delusional or anything.. I probably feeling too awkward to answer anything properly which is why he thinks I don't have a "gender problem" but rather something "deeper," we'll see.

Wondering whether you guys have any insights into the question.. How would you answer?

Dark Blade,

He was more so seeing if you felt like
you were supposed to have male stuff in
the area where you have what you have
right now. That's what I think he was asking
like do you feel you should have the man thing
there. I also feel like he was trying to rule out
non binary or other things. He was looking
into weather someone REALLY FEELS like
a MAN when they see them selves or feels as
such or weather it was something else.

I always feel really awkward talking to mental health folks, and I'm never as analytical as they'd like me to be. I probably would've responded similarly. I'm not delusional - I see what's there. But that's not what I feel I should be seeing. It's not something I want to be seeing on my body. I don't connect/identify with it.

I was asked the same thing by my therapist a few days ago - not exactly the same but approximate: "how do you see yourself? (when you look in the mirror)."

I said: I see something that doesn't look like I feel that I am. I see a "thing", a person, a human, but I am largely dissociated from it. And I ignore it, for the most part.

Another interesting question I got:

"If you say you don't want bottom surgery right away at this point, this means you see yourself as a male with a vagina?"

My answer: No. No, no, no. It may be the biological case but I don't accept that mentally, as it would imply I'm compatible with this vagina. I simply accept that the bottom surgery isn't up to scratch yet, or the best surgery isn't accessible to me. I do not see myself as a 'man with a vagina', more like a castrated man... that's the only way I can think of it acceptably.

They're tricky questions all right. And sometimes being 100% straightforward about the answer can make you sound a little strange.

Do you guys also have a hard time coming up with answers for these questions? Sometimes I find myself when asked a question making up an answer that's not untrue, but not entirely true (mostly I guess not saying everything or just one aspect out of several things) and then when I go home and give it more thought I actually come up with my real answer when it's too late.

What I told him was similar to what you guys mentioned, but maybe I missed out the disconnected part (perhaps because I don't feel that way so strongly). Guess I must clarify next time. I mentioned several times that I don't spend much time looking at my body, but he kept asking me what I saw when I did.

Before coming out as trans and having my previous diagnosis scrapped, I was diagnosed as Bipolar II ( which basically means you have depressive episodes of varying strengths and manic episodes that are mild enough they don't cause a danger to yourself or others and are not uncontrollable--a very tricky diagnosis since the symptoms are quite muted compared to Bipolar I).  I also taught special needs kids, including those with mental illness, so I have a lot of experience with psychiatrists and psychologists (well over ten years of it), and while I never encourage people to simply go against a psych's diagnosis, if you are not comfortable with their process or don't agree with their findings, feel free to get a second opinion.  Mental health professionals are not gods, nor can they read minds.  Also, not all doctors work well with everyone.  Though they don't like to admit it, unless something has very distinct symptoms psychiatry is mostly a guessing game.  When I worked with ED (Emotionally Disturbed) kids, their diagnoses would change all the time as they swapped doctors.  If you feel like you are trans but this doctor thinks you have a "deeper issue" (whatever that means) then you might consider another opinion unless he is SUPER well versed in transgender issues to the point that he has seen hundreds of trans patients.  Many psychiatrists don't even really understand being trans and would much prefer it to be something they can attempt to "cure" with medication and therapy. If you think he might be right, then great!  Stick with it and find out.  But if you think he just doesn't understand then definitely seek another opinion.  I know they sometimes make you feel like they know all and you know nothing, but I have worked with these people both as a patient and as a coworker when I was a special needs teacher, and I promise you that they are far from all knowing.  Therapy is supposed to help you, and if it's not helping, find someone else to go to.  Otherwise you might find yourself giving up on it, which is so not the point of going to therapy!

Someone mentioned they feel a need to stretch the truth in therapy, and that is why I don't believe in gatekeeping for adults.  It is also why I went to a different therapist to get my HRT letter than the one I go to for therapy.  You shouldn't HAVE to lie or feel like you have to stretch the truth, because any therapist well versed in transgender issues should know that nothing you say invalidates you being trans.  Therapy should be a safe space for you to explore your doubts, confusion, etc without being judged.  When therapists ask you probing questions that are tough to answer, you should know for a fact that they are doing it to help you discover more about yourself as a person, not as a "test" to try and invalidate who you are.  Therapy is based on trust.  Feel free to tell your mental health professional if a question makes you uncomfortable and explain that you feel like you are being tested when asked such a question and that it feels like an invalidation of your identity.  It might turn out that the question was completely idle and that your feeling that way is something you need to work on through counseling.  On the other hand they might very well have been testing you, and you may want to look into finding a more understanding counselor if you are sure you know who you are and are tired of having people question your status.

I am very pro Mental health professionals, but at the same time I always caution people not to award them a god-like status.  Like us they are just people doing the best they can, but diagnosing people's problems is no easy task, and sometimes they prefer to stick to problems they understand rather than delve into things they aren't heavily trained in.  In that case, second opinions are the bomb.  I can't tell you how many kids I saw diagnosed as ADHD who later turned out to be mildly ID (Intellectually Disabled) and just had social issues that a busy doctor quickly translated to ADHD.  But at the same time I have seen an ID AND ED paranoid schizophrenic kid go from almost non-functioning to holding a job at a grocery store and happy with their life with help of the right professional.  The hard part is finding that right one! 

Thanks for the lengthy response Mitch. Thing is, I don't really have that many options where I live, and it's not that I don't like him, he seemed pretty understanding and kept apologizing for the questions that made me slightly uncomfortable. He's seen other trans patients before and he just wants to make sure nothing else is making me feel the way I do (and I'm going to be working jointly with another psych in the same clinic). Out of the 5 people I've seen in the past year, I got nothing out of the therapists except venting out my feelings (which I'm not saying wasn't beneficial) and the psych told me to go home and come back when I've figured myself out, but this guy seems like he wants to get to the root of things quickly (which I'm grateful for).

I don't intend to stretch the truth, but at the same time I really don't wanna mess this up (I tend to forget lots of details and stuff when I have to answer on the spot). Over here getting a diagnosis or whatever is only the first step, then I'd have to go through the religious authorities and hope that goes through. And maybe then I'd actually have a chance at transitioning..

Quote from: darkblade on December 02, 2015, 08:45:43 AM
Do you guys also have a hard time coming up with answers for these questions? Sometimes I find myself when asked a question making up an answer that's not untrue, but not entirely true (mostly I guess not saying everything or just one aspect out of several things) and then when I go home and give it more thought I actually come up with my real answer when it's too late.

What I told him was similar to what you guys mentioned, but maybe I missed out the disconnected part (perhaps because I don't feel that way so strongly). Guess I must clarify next time. I mentioned several times that I don't spend much time looking at my body, but he kept asking me what I saw when I did.

I do have a tough time answering them, because they really aren't things that I want to dwell on or speak of. And knowing that I have to if I want to fix things gives me a lot of anxiety.

I did find it helpful to go online and read other people's experiences with their therapists and see what common questions were asked. I could then write out my thoughts and assess how I would've responded. That way, when they came up in my own sessions, I didn't feel as put on the spot by the question.

Speaking of, I have my first appointment for my bottom surgery referral next Friday. Hopefully she doesn't ask me anything too off the wall.