So I've been out as female quite a number of times now and even in front of my family. They didn't seem too phased by it and that was the point where I looked back and noticed how much of the old me is now gone. That's not to say I haven't kept a lot too. Being raised as male taught me how to carry on when in pain, when hurting inside and when the times got rough. I've taken that with me and let it help me with my transition.
The male me wasn't the best me though. I was depressed, made a half hearted suicide attempt, got stuck in go nowhere minimum wage jobs and slept on the couches of family and friends because most of the time I couldn't keep a roof over my head. As the years went by and I slowly accepted the female me more and more I became less depressed and found the self esteem to apply for better paying jobs and set off on my own. However it really wasn't until this past year of so that I noticed just how much of my masculinity I've lost. I don't pass as female but at the same time the image in the mirror is not male anymore. I no longer try to be something I'm not. If the current me is so vastly different from the me of eight or ten years ago I wonder what the future me will be like eight or ten years from now.
