Good time of the day,

I'm new to this website and as Ive checked this place might be the only place where I can get an adequate advice from people, if they might have had a similar problem. As Ive googled up similar posts, most of them were answered as "fake, troll topic, wtf, unserious, what is this ** and so on", well, Im not here to troll or anything else, I ask for advice. I dont know if my topic fits for this forum section or even by forum rules, but again, sorry...

Ill might sound wasted and perv, but I wrote it as it is. I just feel cornered. I dont have anyone who can support me, no one who can understand me and my problem. I guess, I also dont have any other place, or choice to speak myself out...

Im a guy, 19 years old. You can call me Fergus (fake name). Studying. I dont associate myself as a crossdresser, but partially I am one, due to my problem.

Problem is, that I have a fetish for tights, stockings and other women's stuff made out of similar materials. Its not that I just need them to have sex while wearing them, or while my girlfriend wears them, or seeing someone else doing that, and so on. Just want to wear them, feel them on myself, something as a second skin, or whatever. Call it as you like.

Im not going to explain my problem from the beginning, as its looong... Ill just say, I have this 'desire' to wear capron since my childhood (from about the age of 5).

The worst case of my interest happend in this end of summer. In early morning on a free day I went to a mall on the other side of the town. Day before I checked size calculations for tights and for stockings. There weren't many people there shopping, so I searched for the tights, socks, stockings section in the shop. No one was at that section, so I patiently choosed. I took 2 pairs of stockings and 1 pair of tights and went to casheer. Ofcourse, her face's expression explained everything, as not many guys buy such things. At home I was like 'wtf just happend?' and hid it in my room... Meanwhile, we were finishing a major renewal in our flat and we only needed to throw away not needed stuff. So I told my mum that Ill clean my room by myself, she was ok with it. I cleaned my room, hid tights in a different place in my room. Few days later, when I came home from uni, I found my stash is empty. I was sure she put them in her wardrobe. Then I went to the mall again to buy new ones, again with the same scheme. Came home, again my thoughts were 'wtf I just did?', unpacked them, thrown packages away.

I didnt know what to do. After she found them, I expected a serious talk, which didnt happend. I wanted to talk with her, explain everything, but couldnt force myself... Knowing her personality, she would understood me wrong, would start to blame, swear me or even force me to leave house... Eitherway, I provoked her to talk, I put tights in a bag, where I have socks, so if she put the washed ones there, she would notice. On 2nd day she noticed and asked me whose tights are these (ofcourse, I was a bit of prepared for the talk, read some stuff to parry her questions). Ive told her that these are mine (I didnt told her that I have this feeling to wear them since my childhood), so Ive told need them for winter, and in underpants its hot. Well, everything happend as I mentioned before, except for 'kicking me out of the house'. That evening after uni I didnt want to be home, we didnt talk. But later everything was as it was before.

Now Ive ordered some from eBay, some from i-shops, even ordered some belts, which will arrive next week. Sadly, sometimes postman delivers them to straight to the flat, while Im in the uni, and my mum recieves them from him, but doesnt open these packages and just keeps asking what is it, what is it. I just keep saying different things 'its for my girlfriend, its from a friend, for pc and so on', but Im sure, she knows whats in there... I just dont know how to be, how to tell her. My girlfriend doesnt know about my problem and forcing her to help me isnt an option, moreover, I dont know how she will react.

Please, no offence, need Your advices.
Thank You.

Fergus, have you considered a P.O. box? It's a pretty safe was to receive packages discretely.  And depending upon where you live, there may be lots of choices and locations. 

You do not need to feel guilty in purchasing or wearing any kind of cloth.

Yes. I was like you. I first tried to wear silk stockings at age 4 or 5. Later, I was strangely enthralled by photos of hosiery advertisement. After wearing those hosiery, I realized that the legs of the hosiery models look like mine. Actually, I had sought an image of myself.

barbie~~

Welcome Wiseguy,

No matter what labels we use it is clear that you wear clothing sometimes that you and others consider gender non conforming.  I think you will find there is significant support here for individualized personal expression.  What is less certain is how your mum or girlfriend might react. 

Honesty may be the best policy but a diplomatic way to begin the discussion might be to talk, in general, about how diverse our clothing options are today.  We have witnessed real cultural change with celebrities, rock stars and many other folks pushing the boundaries of what is considered "normal."  What do they think of those folks?

Still, how much control or influence, about what we wear, do any of us want to give to our family and friends?   There is tremendous support here for being your authentic self.  For many of us that is a journey or process that takes practice.

Quote from: Dayta on December 05, 2015, 11:29:26 AM
Fergus, have you considered a P.O. box? It's a pretty safe was to receive packages discretely.  And depending upon where you live, there may be lots of choices and locations. 

Thank You,
I havent thought about that before, as there wasnt any need for it, as before I was ordering 1-2 times/month or two and eBay deliveries usually waited till my arrival at the post office, no matter of its size. Ill think about it, if I will be planning to order some hosiery again.

Quote from: barbie on December 05, 2015, 11:35:32 AM
You do not need to feel guilty in purchasing or wearing any kind of cloth.

Yes. I was like you. I first tried to wear silk stockings at age 4 or 5. Later, I was strangely enthralled by photos of hosiery advertisement. After wearing those hosiery, I realized that the legs of the hosiery models look like mine. Actually, I had sought an image of myself.

barbie~~

Thank You,
I wouldnt say any better, I had same thoughts.

Quote from: Tessa James on December 05, 2015, 11:35:52 AM
Welcome Wiseguy,

No matter what labels we use it is clear that you wear clothing sometimes that you and others consider gender non conforming.  I think you will find there is significant support here for individualized personal expression.  What is less certain is how your mum or girlfriend might react. 

Honesty may be the best policy but a diplomatic way to begin the discussion might be to talk, in general, about how diverse our clothing options are today.  We have witnessed real cultural change with celebrities, rock stars and many other folks pushing the boundaries of what is considered "normal."  What do they think of those folks?

Still, how much control or influence, about what we wear, do any of us want to give to our family and friends?   There is tremendous support here for being your authentic self.  For many of us that is a journey or process that takes practice.

Thank You,
Agree. This is the reason why I am here. Its a pity that there are such frameworks in our society, which divide people into groups 'for' and 'against', especially by such petty things. Tights upon their creation were a mens wear and time ago pants on women werent appropriate, so speaking about who should wear and who shouldnt, can be reminded. And, in my opinion, its a pure discrimination. There arent any mens tights sold in my county, only in i-shops. Assortment for them there is times smaller than for womens, price of one pair is equal to 2-3 pair of womens. But as it is said 'the world is divided by contradictions', so untill they wont be advertised, people at 'against' group will countinue to follow their standarts.

First off you don't have a problem - as in your wanting to wear these things isn't a problem nor does it sound like a fetish.  Your 'issue' is dealing with your Mom more than anything.  Yay for you being true to yourself and embracing what you like.  Living at home while going to school is tough indeed.  The reality is you are unlikely to stop doing what you are doing; and your mom can't stop it.  Likely your mom's reaction comes from fear... fear of what this means for your ability to live a happy and 'normal life' (there is no normal life, its a dream. Your best bet is to live the life that makes your happy).   Your mom is likely gone down the spiral of is he gay, what does that mean for grandkids, what will the friends/neighbors think, will he get a job, will he get beat up and possibly killed.  Parents tend to get spiraling into their own head thinking about what's best for their kid...  reality is what's best is support and understanding.  Hopefully your mom will come around, but that will only happen if you can communicate with her.

I feared my mom's reaction to my dressing for years... in my 30's I finally told her and she knew.  She didn't know everything, but she knew enough.  I was afraid of being taken to shock therapy to 'cure' me or tossed out of the house as the freak I thought I was.  Only to find out that she would have been supporting and encouraging.  Talk to your mom in a hopefully non confrontational way... I hope she can come around and love and accept all of you.

Quote from: Kerry30Den on December 07, 2015, 05:15:10 PM
First off you don't have a problem - as in your wanting to wear these things isn't a problem nor does it sound like a fetish.  Your 'issue' is dealing with your Mom more than anything.  Yay for you being true to yourself and embracing what you like.  Living at home while going to school is tough indeed.  The reality is you are unlikely to stop doing what you are doing; and your mom can't stop it.  Likely your mom's reaction comes from fear... fear of what this means for your ability to live a happy and 'normal life' (there is no normal life, its a dream. Your best bet is to live the life that makes your happy).   Your mom is likely gone down the spiral of is he gay, what does that mean for grandkids, what will the friends/neighbors think, will he get a job, will he get beat up and possibly killed.  Parents tend to get spiraling into their own head thinking about what's best for their kid...  reality is what's best is support and understanding.  Hopefully your mom will come around, but that will only happen if you can communicate with her.

I feared my mom's reaction to my dressing for years... in my 30's I finally told her and she knew.  She didn't know everything, but she knew enough.  I was afraid of being taken to shock therapy to 'cure' me or tossed out of the house as the freak I thought I was.  Only to find out that she would have been supporting and encouraging.  Talk to your mom in a hopefully non confrontational way... I hope she can come around and love and accept all of you.

Thank You for answering,
I hope she will accept that fact, but, unfortunatelly, she is not that kind of person who accepts people that are different. I dont have any feeling to tell her about that openly, as I know how she will react and answer. So I suppose, Ill wait a bit.

Quote from: Wiseguy on December 22, 2015, 03:44:16 PM
Thank You for answering,
I hope she will accept that fact, but, unfortunatelly, she is not that kind of person who accepts people that are different. I dont have any feeling to tell her about that openly, as I know how she will react and answer. So I suppose, Ill wait a bit.

People can be turned out to be surprisingly open-minded than you initially assumed.

barbie~~

Welcome to Susan's Place. We are unable judge what you feel as you are the only one who can tell us however you are welcome here. Most of us started out something like you and and some point understood where we fit. You may be comfortable to remain in the cross dresser or you may decide to explore other aspects of you personality. As you have found already, people are friendly and helpful here so if you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

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