Quote from: Eva Marie on November 30, 2015, 02:31:50 AM
If I compared myself to other trans women that are younger/prettier/wealthier/luckier than me then yeah, it would bother me a lot. It's certainly not too hard to think of examples of those kinds of people.




Comparing myself to others that I consider better off than me only leads me to a bad, dark place. It's better simply not to dwell on such things.

This is so true.Every day I work with patients and if I was worried about my passability/attractiveness etc I  just wouldnt be able to do my job and it's a job I love.I know that I'm a tall,slightly masculine looking woman(Amazonian even) but it really doesnt matter.It cant be changed and why would I want to.I went through a lot to be me and finding inner peace and learning to love myself has been part of that.

Quote from: galaxy on December 06, 2015, 07:54:48 PM
There will be a next time! Dont say sucb things!

HRT=lose. BA=lose. SRS=lose. Where are the wins? Where?

I'm a realist. All we know of is this life. Make the best of it. As far as losses go, I only count those loved ones that are no longer with me as losses and its instructive about the transitory nature of life. The wins are living according to our individual wills authentically without infringing on others. It takes courage, honesty and compassion.


Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA

Hi All
I can't get upset with seeing someone that was much luckier than me. If they have it god bless them. think about it like this. we are all lucky to be able to be our selfs. and if you look great all the power to you. Be happy who we are trying to wish that everything is perfect is not going to be. Everyone has some kind of issue's even the ones that we think are Beautiful.

Lyndsey

Quote from: galaxy on December 06, 2015, 07:54:48 PM
There will be a next time! Dont say sucb things!

HRT=lose. BA=lose. SRS=lose. Where are the wins? Where?

I'm sorry, but she's right; there is no "next time". Your life is now, and not some other time. Wether you are a religious person or not, I hope you will accept the only life you got on this planet and live it the way you want.

Personally: I know I'm never going to be a fashion star, but that's not my goal. My goal is to live my life the way I feel I am on the inside. Which in my case is a woman. The way I read some replies from others, it looks like a lot of transgenders have unrealistic expectations of what transitioning will bring them. Only very few of us will ever reach the level of a fashion model (just like most cis women!), but being a girl in your daily life, and being able to express yourself the way you want should be top priority if you ask me. That's just my 2 cents!

You nailed it Thanks for posting this.

Quote from: Galyo on December 07, 2015, 12:13:58 PM
I'm sorry, but she's right; there is no "next time". Your life is now, and not some other time. Wether you are a religious person or not, I hope you will accept the only life you got on this planet and live it the way you want.

Personally: I know I'm never going to be a fashion star, but that's not my goal. My goal is to live my life the way I feel I am on the inside. Which in my case is a woman. The way I read some replies from others, it looks like a lot of transgenders have unrealistic expectations of what transitioning will bring them. Only very few of us will ever reach the level of a fashion model (just like most cis women!), but being a girl in your daily life, and being able to express yourself the way you want should be top priority if you ask me. That's just my 2 cents!

I wish I'd been an unattached 25-year-old woman at some point in my life. Good times would have ensued. It didn't happen. I'm good with it today, but there's always that nagging, "What if...?"

To get to the question, all of us have different circumstances. Envy is a negative that will sap our strength if it festers.

Add me to the stephaniec fan club. You do great things here.

QuoteThe way I read some replies from others, it looks like a lot of transgenders have unrealistic expectations of what transitioning will bring them. Only very few of us will ever reach the level of a fashion model (just like most cis women!), but being a girl in your daily life, and being able to express yourself the way you want should be top priority if you ask me. That's just my 2 cents!

I have to wonder if some of us/ many have co-morbidities that come out with extreme behaviors or expectations? I think having other issues flavors both outlook and response. There's a lot to work through being trans by itself, but the whole person needs help.


Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA

I do sometimes get depressed seeing someone I think of as doing much better than I am, or younger, or prettier... but the last time I complained about this, a friend of mine says she sees ME that way (she's earlier in her transition and older than I am). So I try to remind myself that for everyone there's going to be at least one person who's apparently better off, but on the flip side there's at least one person who's jealous of *them.*

It doesn't work very well, but at least I quit complaining in public.

Reading the comments I am almost grateful I am only 20 and stand a chance of passing. There are clearly people who hate it much harder than I have.

However I am extremely depressed about not being born the way I should of and not having the experiences which I feel are a birth-right.

One thing we should really keep in mind, is that we are all in this together. Even those who are lucky enough to have started hormones at a young age and who are able to live in their preferred gender role without fear of passing. No matter how well you do with transition, you are still transgender. You have to deal with knowing that you could at any time be rejected or discriminated against because of you past. You have to deal with the knowing that in some ways you will always be different from someone who is cisgender and you will never be able to be completely happy with your own body. You have to deal with knowing that you can't ever have children the way a cisgendered person would be able to. It's easy to be jealous of someone who "got lucky" with their transition, but the reality is that no one who is transgender is lucky. Some of us are less unlucky than others, but all of us have to deal with the effects of being transgender in one way or another.

Being jealous of other people looking better is natural but also pretty shallow. Personally seeing how ''good'' other transitioning people look is an inspiration and I feel great for them   I can sort of understand in the way perhaps if someone transitioned 20 years ago it may have been less successful than now, but then again, when I fully transition, in 20 years they might be able to stick you in a machine where you can change instantly 

Everyone is different.  Not everyone has the same hopes, dreams and goals with their transition.  The older you get the more you realize that your true happiness does not rest in your looking like a beauty queen.  All I ever wanted was to insure that I could comport myself age appropriately and be seen as any other woman at my level of society.  In other words.......if you saw me with a group of my girlfriends that you would  have no idea that I was ever any different than them.  I have been successful at achieving that goal so I consider my transition and life a success.

I am really happy that they have had success in their transition to be honest, it is quite inspiring to see. I used to watch some of the people transition on Youtube, it was quite something to see the changes month by month.

I get jealous of course seeing how well a lot have them have turned out, especially since I wanted to model when I was younger. Then again I get jealous of cis women that look beautiful too, lol.

I posted earlier on this thread but after reading some of the comments, it reminds me of the song in Lost Horizon. For someone who is short, they think you are tall. To someone who is last, they are sure to think you are fast. I might add for someone who doesn't know the answer, if you do, they will think you are smart.

For each of us, no matter where we are in our transitions or look like, there is bound to be someone who will gladly change places with us. Doesn't matter what we look like in age or presentation. Think of how afraid we were when we first stepped out the door dressed. Now more than likely we don't give it a thought, someone else wishes they had our confidence. Post op. There are many who would kill for such a thing. Even just having the chance to dress and be ourselves. I am certain there are many who can't express themselves for one reason or another but need to. Look at the ones who just ask about using a washroom. Something we all need to do in one form or another.

I'm not an expert and I have a lot of things to still learn too, but no matter where we are or how we feel or look like be it age or physical, someone would like to be you.

Hugs to all of my sisters and peace to you all.

Love,
Clare

Quote from: April_TO on December 07, 2015, 01:12:46 PM
You nailed it Thanks for posting this.

Thanks. ^_^

Quote from: Gertrude on December 07, 2015, 03:29:28 PM
I have to wonder if some of us/ many have co-morbidities that come out with extreme behaviors or expectations? I think having other issues flavors both outlook and response. There's a lot to work through being trans by itself, but the whole person needs help.


Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA

I agree! The genderteam in Amsterdam also offers further counceling with other psychological issues. I think many people will benefit from that.

Its an old thread ... For me a allday topic. Between my last post and this i saw so much pretty girls. And sure you always ask yourself why youre not a bit pretty. Everyday. The mirror is your biggest enemy. Your body. I hate my body like nothing else. The truth about knowing that iam a woman was making me a very hateful person. Major feelings are hate and angry inside me. Maybe it was a mistake at all.

Quote from: galaxy on April 07, 2016, 06:23:23 PM
Its an old thread ... For me a allday topic. Between my last post and this i saw so much pretty girls. And sure you always ask yourself why youre not a bit pretty. Everyday. The mirror is your biggest enemy. Your body. I hate my body like nothing else. The truth about knowing that iam a woman was making me a very hateful person. Major feelings are hate and angry inside me. Maybe it was a mistake at all.

I know exactly how you feel, but coming out as trans is never a "bad" thing. Why should being honest about your feelings be considered "bad"?? Ask yourself this!

And yes, things can potentially go very depressing for when you're just starting. Heck: the elevator in the flat I'm living in has a giant mirror-wall in it. It's a nightmare! It drives me crazy every time I go out!

But this is one of those cases where thinking ahead is a good thing, and brings hope for the future. The fact that you're finally being honest and open about your identity is something that will lead to positive changes in the near future. This is coming from one depressed (pre-everything) transgender to another.

Just know that coming out as transgender is NEVER a mistake! Never. If anything, it's probably one of the bravest things you will have ever done in this life.

It doesnt matter to me. Coming out or not, honesty or not ... For a worth living future its not enough.  Theres nothing in my life has in common with a woman's life. And this cant be the goal of any transition.

well, I've wasted 64 yeas of my life being wrong and believe me I know it sucks , but I'm enjoying my moment in the sunlight.

Don't kid yourself into thinking that the "pretty girls" have it any easier, sure they might "pass easier/better" but the feelings of humiliation and shame when for some reason they don't or when they are outted is just as real. Best not to worry what is going on with others, if you feel you want to do/be "better" then learn for your own mishaps and aim for the stars.