Over this week, a close family member told my great-dear-ol aunt that I am living in "lies/transgender" base on a hunch. My dear ol aunt wanted me to know this, but in reality didnt give it much thought. The reasoning was because I said I didnt want him to visit me at all... Hint hint: living in secrets.

Okay, we went down that road before, but it has nothing to do with that, but because I dont want this person visiting me in the first place. Gets too involve into every detail.

At first, I was like "oh no!" but afterwards... He knows my aunt is too old for unnecessary drama like this... So even if you know my "secret" talk to me about it.

And then he said to my aunt.. He still love me. WTH. Love is conditional for these people, since when he thought I was gay he told my aunt all the information... Making her cry.

And he knows I wont go all the way until my aunt dies. So why is he doing this to me and her? Selfish.

And I always come through to him when he needs help... This person needs to let me wait this out... And stop spreading this onto me.

I got other stuff to deal with... Not just this. Im tired of uselsss bull...

Sadly the world is full of people who make it their business to spread gossip, they disrespect privacy and personal safety. The news about someone being trans often as not spreads like wildfire because it is so "salacious". What one does about those people is a big question.

Its a huge accusation that I dont want to deal with until I can actually afford/live/attempt with.

Its not someone I can disown.

I thought it... Suicide is never an option...it was on my mind once again *ill never do that*.

But I need to come to grip that transgender is "okay". Im very embarass of it, in my family it is worse than anything but pedophile... Honestly, its up there. Being gay just below that. Its what stops me... And putting it out there would be very painful.

I want my aunt to be gone before I can do it so shell never cry about it.

As kind as it is that you're sensitive to your aunt's opinions you shouldn't let them influence you transitioning or not transitioning. It's about being honest with yourself - if someone can't/won't accept that, move on.

This is typical......get used to it because it happens to so many of us.  This person has no life so they are determined to make sure they ruin yours.  They are the one that has serious problems!  I would hope that your family would try to educate themselves about what you are facing and, if they do, they will see that this is nothing you asked for but yet something you have to deal with.  Like many, even if they had the intellectual ability to understand they would still do what they are doing because their self importance is based on how much gossip and innuendo they can spread about others.

Stay strong and know that in time all things will pass and the future will get brighter!

I had a Britney Spears moment today, oh not shaving, but rather I almost fainted from excersing too much. Heat dehydration. Ambulance and the stretcher was out. I am okay.  Brought memories of her on a stretcher... Okay. It was bizarre... Never had stars around my head.

But Im thinking, I have a lot of mental baggage. Its not healthy carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am thinking about what others are thinking too much. Its just not healthy.

Life is so fleeting. Here and now is it. As long as its legal, doesnt hurt anyone, and doesnt hurt me in the long wrong.... i shouldnt care what people think of me. But I do.

I need to stop.