I know, and I try to stay positive but it's just really hard.
Especially in my position. Other than a few slightly feminine traits to my skeletal structure, like when my palms are facing forward, the elbows have a very pronounced outward angle to them and relative to my shoulders, significantly wider hips than most people, I'm really masculine. And the only way to fix this as far as I know would be to either modify/replace bones or have started hormones very early on. But, I haven't seen a therapist yet since I'm not even close to coming out yet. I'm just hoping I can get a car and a job soon so I can at least get an initial appointment done.