Hi Everyone,


Recently, I told my gender therapist that I want to start HRT within a year, after I took care of some of my larger priorities. Something recently happened though, that is making following this plan more difficult.

In the interim, to diminish some of the betrayal that testosterone inflicts on my inner self, such as competitiveness, when want to give empathy; intense solitary focus, when I want to have a relaxed demeanor; etc..., I started taking a women's hormone balancing supplement a few days ago.

On the second day of taking this supplement, I had an incredible experience. For the first time I can remember, I felt like one person. Just as I took a picture of my face before taking the supplement, I took one then. In the before picture, I had an intense direct stare, which scared me the first time I saw it, but in the after picture, I had gentle eyes and an unforced smile, which I had not produced when on camera since age 6.

Today is the third day, and this is when the event that is making my plan more difficult to follow occurred. I had been feeling slight tightness around on chest for the last two days, but since I recently went to the doctor for a check up, and I was told I have impeccable health, I didn't think anything of it. After taking a shower and then looking in mirror though, I was surprised to see my chest had swollen, and now unambiguously looked like two small breasts had perched on it.

I exercise, so my chest was not flat 3 days ago, but I thought breast growth takes months to initiate when on HRT, so I figured an over the counter supplement would only cause negligible physical changes. Since I am slim, now unless I wear a loose sweater, the roundness and protrusion of my chest seems incongruous. Of course, I don't mind, but if my chest continues to grow I won't be able to conceal the growth.

The obvious answer seems to be to stop taking the supplement, or at least instead take half the recommend dose, but I am afraid to increase my testosterone level. All of the noise is finally gone, and I am now more acutely aware of how much I do not want to live with it. I wish I could start HRT now, but it is not a good time.

I'm sorry, I need to go, so I will have to leave this post unfinished, but thank you for reading it, and I would love to read your thoughts.

The estrogen supplement will probably have little if any effect on your testosterone level - you'll need an anti androgen for that. I don't doubt your experience but you're right , it does take more than three days for there to be any real lasting effect on hormones. Also, it is possible to do yourself harm on supplements so I'd recommend you talk to your therapist about moving up your HRT schedule.

I have to say the same thing.

If you're under a lot of stress, depression, that sort of thing, then just doing something to move forward can have an enormous mental effect. Not breasts mind you.

It can be hard to separate out the cause, but I'm sure I do get euphoria from estrogen (when I first started and I get a new  implant). I only wish it lasted. The feeling normal does last though.

Thank you Grace, Stephanie and AnonyMS for responding. I just woke after not sleeping for two days, and after reading my post, I am painfully embarrassed. Now that my mind is clear, I realize the supplement is going in the garbage, and sadly, I know can't put myself first yet, so HRT will need to wait.

I agree with AnonyMS, that most likely my tranquil experience was part psychological and part a euphoric chemical reaction. This combination made my armor seem heavier, and more laborious to wear. Also, I was worrying that in the future I will just acquire new commitments, and I will never transition, unless I start taking steps. I'll be okay though. Now I realize, what I asking for most, was not to go through this experience alone.

Thank you again.