i have been having these moments where i want to just turn to my wife and say whats really is on my mind. or to say 'wow i totally relate to that character as a trans person myself...' but then i catch myself  and realize that if i did say it..there is no coming back and a massive argument and split family will occur.  SO....i then shut up.. and daydream it instead.

i think its a coping mechanism. anyone else do this?

It's not uncommon to want to share with someone close to you but I can understand your reluctance - you are right that there is no going back once it is out. If you decide to transition though you will need to work out a way to tell her.

Be careful.........you have a lot on the line.  You need to plan these things out and consider every outcome.  This is not a game.....but real life.  And Grace is right......if you bring this up then it is next to impossible to take it back.  If you try then there will always be that question in her mind.

Now that I'm out to around 20 people, I catch myself nearly outing myself accidentally all of the time. Almost did the other day at work. 

I've been trying to feed information to my wife's sister whose granddaughter has informed my sister-in-law that he is now her grandson.  And I've been trying to do it without appearing too knowledgeable since I'm not out to my wife's family.  Yet.  The other day I was sending her a text and a resource that I said might help.  Without thinking I was adding, "it certainly helped me" before I caught myself and deleted that part.  Oops.  But for a second I was tempted to say the heck with it and leave it in.

Quote from: mickey.megan on December 08, 2015, 12:31:54 PM
i have been having these moments where i want to just turn to my wife and say whats really is on my mind. or to say 'wow i totally relate to that character as a trans person myself...' but then i catch myself  and realize that if i did say it..there is no coming back and a massive argument and split family will occur.  SO....i then shut up.. and daydream it instead.

i think its a coping mechanism. anyone else do this?

Almost said it at my doctor earlier then made some acne story up
couldnt say it straight to my friends face but I did discern I consider hormones, now they probably think I wanna get buffed ip 

I informed my parents and reaction was so bombastic, the past two years he's said several times I don't exist and, ofcourse, perpetuates shame.

My social worker keeps prying for info it's so horrible.

My timing just feels a bit off stating i'm TS before acquiring hormones
afterwards i'll probably care a whole lot less

Couple that with all the friendly warnings ive had thusfar and others experiences

Yeah...

Hi Mickey Meagan

It is a tough call because once that can of worms is open it is very very difficult to put it back. I have been told constantly by people whom I have come out too, that they won't treat me any differently now that they know I am trans. Without exception I have noticed a subtle change is people's attitude towards me. Whether or not you tell your partner won't change the feelings you have. Maybe get some counselling first to see if you can work out what you want to do. If you already know what it is you want then how long can you hang on to it before you have to do something about it.

My partner had difficulty with the uncertainty of whether I would transition or not. She knows now and is very supportive as she knows not transitioning is likely to be a disastrous for me and her. You may be surprised by your partners re-action it may well be far better than you expect. Having an idea of what it means for you and how you would like to proceed may make things easier to explain and help remove some of the uncertainty for her. If that is what you decide is best for you.

Good luck with what ever decision you make,

Sarah T

Make slow calculated moves, dress more femme in guys clothes, pay more attention to your looks specifically when shes around.

Took me a few years but i eventually got my wife to the point i knew i was safe to out myself.

~Shan~

Even though there are different outcomes the decision is truly yours. Would you be happier? Is that worth the consequences? Consider making a pros/cons list but don't forget this is about YOU. And yes, I think everybody has a coping mechanism similar to that. I totally daydreamed about coming out to others before I went mostly full time.


Enviado desde mi iPhone utilizando Tapatalk

I had an odd dream the other day one of my texts accidentally got forwarded to all my contacts lol.

Funny thing at the end of the dream it worked out ok ;-)

~Shan~

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Daisy Jane:

I, too, am something in the same boat.  I am 'out' but not 'in your face' style.  Many people know in some limited spheres of my life such as at my medical clinic who otherwise are not part of my medical team.

Sometimes I then nearly get a slip of the tongue and about to say something then realise oops so-and-so does not know and is not quite in that circle yet.  I have one long-term friend of more than 25 years who speaks positively of LGB and T, yet I will not 'tell' her unless she opens the topic.  I just have a strange sense that she can accept it of strangers but not if she knows I'm in there.

*

I'm now slowly coming out to people, but I used to almost come out very often. I totally understand what you mean. You're with someone you want to tell and you have such an urge to bring it up but you just stop short and feel like you cant...it's hard. I'm sorry.

Is maybe starting with telling people you know who would be lower stakes than your wife an option? Maybe this would help you ease into telling her? I don't know your situation and whether you've already done this, but I worry that coming out to someone as important as your wife first might be pretty tough. Of course this is just one perspective. I can understand why someone might, on the other hand, actually prefer to start with telling those closest to them.

A

I'm only out to my wife, one friend, and a few care providers, and according to The Plan, that's the way it will stay until late spring or sometime this summer.  I find myself having moments similar to what you describe frequently, especially at work, where we're a pretty tight-knit group, and I not only want to share to relieve some of the pressure, but also because I feel like I'm being dishonest to a group of people who amount to my second family.  One colleague noticed my neck was all red and angry from the previous night's electrolysis session and said something, and it was really difficult to demur and shift the subject, rather than just being forthright about what the cause and the reason were.

It's something my therapist and I are talking about quite a bit right now, and I'm beginning to wonder whether it's an aspect of The Plan that may need revising.  Another six months is a long time to be keeping such a big secret.