Hi everyone,

I've been wondering about the advantages/disadvantages of telling a current therapist that I've been seeing over (at least superficially) unrelated issues for about 3/4th of a year. She is not a gender therapist.

Some thoughts I have follow:

-If she's unsupportive this will probably make me too uncomfortable to continue treatment with her for current issues. However, she's been very helpful in helping me with these issues.
-She isn't a gender therapist, so will coming out to her be productive insofar as transitioning?
-If she is supportive she would probably be another good source of support.

Some background:
-I see her for help coping with a disability and anxiety issues.
-My anxiety, I feel, has a large part to do with my gender dysphoria. Of course, this is something I haven't mentioned to her, though.

I guess I could sum up my thoughts in the question: Is it worth telling her? Or should I just start seeing a gender therapist and tell them first?

Thanks for any thoughts!

A

Holding back information from a therapist is a waste of time and money. A therapist can't help you if they don't know all the facts.  If a therapist is unable to deal with the issues you have, they should refer you to somebody who can help you.

In short open wide open at your next therapy session and come clean. This is something you should have done at your first meeting with her 3/4th of a year ago.

Thanks, that's kind of what I needed to hear.

I know I should have, but I just wasn't in a state of mind where I was ready to come out to anyone back then.

I second this, I saw a therapist 13 years ago and didn't open up about my gender issues, now married with kids, my life is much more complex, and I've lost all that time when I could have been a far happier person.

I second this, I saw a therapist 13 years ago and didn't open up about my gender issues, now married with kids, my life is much more complex, and I've lost all that time when I could have been a far happier person.

Well, due to a combination of the holidays and some obligations I have, I couldn't schedule a next appointment until early January. I guess this gives me some time to prepare. I find the idea of coming out to my therapist pretty difficult since I just have no idea how she'll react and the idea of someone in that position reacting negatively really bothers me I guess. I know I need to do this, though.

We all feel shame about our TG feelings and your therapist should understand this. You are not there to be friends or win the approval of your therapist, you are there to get better. It's not important if your therapist disapproves of your actions, it's only important that you receive the help you need.

So this happened last Tuesday AND IT WENT SUPER WELL!

The first therapist in my life I ever saw was several years ago after my life went into the toilet, yet again. I had issues. Plenty of them. All to most I reasoned to be a direct result of how I was not handling being trans. The only way to fix all the bad behaviors I developed was to have being trans on the table as a factor. At that time I had absolutely no plans, nor desires, to transition. Been there tried it twice. Not for me. The therapist wasn't a gender therapist either but one somewhat friendly and had several of my support group members as clients.

As Dena said, not putting that out there is a big waste of time and money. I doubt you can deny that being trans is a factor in all your reasons for being there. The hardest part of therapy is being brutally honest, WITH YOURSELF. If you aren't open and forthcoming to the therapist it is sort of like bringing your car to a mechanic that has only a pair of vise-grips in his toolbox  Maybe a wire clothes hanger or two. OK for a quick fix to limp home with but......