Hey girls
Most of you know me for mostly posting positive stuff on Susan's... I try to stay that way.. but this week has sucked.
It has sucked for no reason.. its just me. 
I feel I have had a net net gain in transition.
So happy to be me but then all the hassles of being a woman.. men, hair makeup clothes..
On top of that gave up a 32 marriage to a beautiful woman.. but we are still friends.
I told her today I still think it was the right thing to do.. I was doing her no favors living a lie that would get me in the end.
I have a totally blessed life but am depressed.
I really think it has to do with the fact that transition comes with baggage.
We work so hard all our lives to deal with GID then suddenly that is gone.. and omg the other problems of life are still there and compounded by being a woman.

I could never be a guy again. I am not one.. I just need to deal with being who I am.. its Ironic.
Keri

You know I was thinking the same thing about myself but for a different reason. I was talking with my girlfriends and they mostly are divorced. They explained to me the whole process and I cringe at the fact that I will be going through the same. They said they'll be there for me though.

The other stuff? I rarely wear makeup. I don't wear fancy clothes. Men are after me but I'm not ready for them. I'm taking it one day at a time. I pass 100% of the time effortlessly now so that helps me relax.

Hi Keri,

I am sorry you are having a bad week. You are one of my favorites on this site.  You inspire me.  You are so pretty. I have seen your pre-transition photos, and it's jaw-dropping what you have achieved. Just amazing.  I have many of the thoughts you mention. When I feel pessimistic, or get one those "WTF am I doing?" moments, it is people like you who remind me how much I stand to gain.

I am much earlier in my transition - started therapy/electrolysis last summer, and I have been on HRT for four months or so.  My dysphoria is pretty much gone.  There isn't that 24/7 obsession with being female anymore.  I rarely do the full-on femme thing anymore, just change into a t-shirt dress and some hoop earrings when I get home, and I am good.  That's the irony for me.

"We work so hard all our lives to deal with GID then suddenly that is gone." Yes, that. So then I ask myself, "why transition?", when I know how terrifying it could be, and how much I stand to lose.  But then I look at your avatar, and I think "Wow. Yes, I want that!"

I know it's not magic.  As you say, the rest of life is still there.  No matter where you go, there you are, this time in high heels.  This resonated for me: "I could never be a guy again. I am not one.. I just need to deal with being who I am.. its Ironic."

I am not a guy, either.  That's become more clear to me.  But is it enough to know it without living it?  I am 58.  I have seen more yesterdays than I will tomorrows. I want a few years of what you have, baggage and all. Women like you help so many of us, I  think.  You help me, at least.

With love and kindness,

Terri

Hugs, Keri. Your posts have cheered me up a number of times. Everyone gets the blues now and then. It helps us appreciate when things are going well.

Please make sure you're being good to yourself - letting yourself do the things that make you feel true to yourself. You deserve it. Also it helps me to look for ways to bring joy to others.

Hope this helps.

Thanks girls,
I so much for the replies.
I must say if it were not for proper therapy I would not be able to handle these hard times.
The therapy of the past gives you lessons to lean on today.. Like doubting if I did the right thing or did I make a mistake am I really trans..
I know who I am and that gets me by. 
I made it.. I am me so now what... that is what is so ironic, you forget the daily GID so you become a second guesser.
So therapy.. so so important to follow the rules.

Anyway for those of you I have helped... you should know that is why I am not stealth, I thought I would just blend in but I won't.. I am proud of my past and who I am today.. If I can make a dent in the world that makes it a better place then I have found purpose in life.

Anyway, I know I will feel better soon..
Love
Keri

Quote from: Keri - formerly known as Dodie on December 18, 2015, 06:06:58 PM
Thanks girls,
I so much for the replies.
I must say if it were not for proper therapy I would not be able to handle these hard times.
The therapy of the past gives you lessons to lean on today.. Like doubting if I did the right thing or did I make a mistake am I really trans..
I know who I am and that gets me by. 
I made it.. I am me so now what... that is what is so ironic, you forget the daily GID so you become a second guesser.
So therapy.. so so important to follow the rules.

Anyway for those of you I have helped... you should know that is why I am not stealth, I thought I would just blend in but I won't.. I am proud of my past and who I am today.. If I can make a dent in the world that makes it a better place then I have found purpose in life.

Anyway, I know I will feel better soon..
Love
Keri

You have definitely helped me Keri!  I hope things are looking up by now.. and know you have support here!  HUGS!

Quote from: Tommi on December 21, 2015, 03:02:17 PM
You have definitely helped me Keri!  I hope things are looking up by now.. and know you have support here!  HUGS!

Hi Sweetie,
I am back.. I am ok.. I may start posting more of my deeper feelings as time goes on since at this point I am basically where I need to be.. So reflecting, thinking deeply about the past and the future.. so many emotions to deal with.  But the net gain will always be.. being true to myself..
Love you girl and Happy New Year
Keri

Keri, glad your back and glad your feeling better

Quote from: Keri - formerly known as Dodie on December 30, 2015, 05:15:07 PM
Hi Sweetie,
I am back.. I am ok.. I may start posting more of my deeper feelings as time goes on since at this point I am basically where I need to be.. So reflecting, thinking deeply about the past and the future.. so many emotions to deal with.  But the net gain will always be.. being true to myself..
Love you girl and Happy New Year
Keri

Happy new year!  Glad you are OK!  Balancing our emotions is never easy in the best of times!  Anytime you need to share we're here for you!

Love you too girl!  Keep smiling!

Love you girls