Please discuss things that hurt about being TS.

Even though we're very close, I'll never be my daughter's "Mom".

Karen Lyn

for me, never being able to give birth to a child.

Quote from: Kat on December 23, 2007, 09:56:17 PM
for me, never being able to give birth to a child.

Yep, that's a heartbreak... and even never being able "father" one most likely now.

And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.

~Kate~

How bout never quite feeling like I fit in?  Anything.  I have always felt a social outcast.  I can tell you that this not is the most devastating of the things that I've gone through.  But it does seem like the continuous saga of my life.  Of course, it is mostly self perception that forces these feelings on me, yet I still feel them.  I find it very difficult to truly warm up to someone.

Cindi

Funny you should bring that up tonight, Cindy.

We had a small dinner party tonight for some friends. One was my partner's sister's sister-in-law. Very nice woman. Very warm and caring.

I really like her a lot, and yet, something holds me back. I know it's myself. That hidden part that still lingers; that always is on the verge of withdrawing from people outta ... ? Fear, I suppose.

There are times I feel like an alien in the world. And the number of friends and confidantes never quite seems to make that go away completely. *sigh*

Nichole 

Being born out of whack.

Quote from: Kate on December 24, 2007, 12:00:44 AM

And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.

~Kate~

Yep that works

Never being able to tell my friends and family who I really am

All the years of emotional baggage.

Pain of losing a childhood.

And some other stuff I won't mention to keep the bad down to a minimum and not make myself depressed lol.

Things that Hurt Me About Being TS

I really had to scratch around to find these things.  Although they have caused me hurt I have either tossed them out of my life, like I did my "family" or I they have become hidden from daily thought, like the other three.

I don't think about the unfairness of not being able to sponsor my partner to live in the U.S. as often as I did.

Family - Judgmental
Having an Unearned Stigma
Knowing that when I came out at work there were people sticking it to me from Day #1
Not being able to bring my partner to live in the U.S.

Now that I think of it, none of the above hurt at all any more.  They were like a poison that I have ejected from my daily life and moved on.  I have better things to do than to allow hurt into my life.

I am where I belong, with whom I belong, and I am happy.  The last piece of the physical puzzle is GRS and when that is done I will change my birth certificate and my passport and that's the end of that part of the trip.

Wing Walker

Quote from: Nero on December 23, 2007, 09:37:30 PM
Please discuss things that hurt about being TS.

Erm, everything?

The fact that I have caused lots of hurt and pain to people I love.

Some of whom no longer love me.

Rebecca

The lost relationships with friends, family... while I can't do anything about changing their belief systems that caused them to reject me, I feel that maybe I could have found a way come out so as to not alienate them.

y2g

In a word? Pain... Deep and sharp emotional pain, sometimes self-inflicted, other times a passerbye's idle comment, other times just the pervading difficulty of it all. Most of mine stems from dropping my 'act' overnight, and now standing here not really sure who or what I am, and with no one to turn to that can help me figure it out. Gender dysphoria may be bad, but not knowing who you are is worse, I guess my act was so thorough that I had even temporarily fooled myself.

QuoteWe are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.  ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

   Ayana   

P.s. Don't shoot me for the improper application of labels, if any

It really hurts me deeply that I'll never have a full functioning penis

Quote from: Kate on December 24, 2007, 12:00:44 AM

Quote from: Kat on December 23, 2007, 09:56:17 PM
for me, never being able to give birth to a child.

Yep, that's a heartbreak... and even never being able "father" one most likely now.

And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.

~Kate~

Yeah, I agree about the lost childhood thing. I thought about that quite a bit, and it really bothered me. But, I realized that I can not change it so I will do my best to just go forward from here.

Kat said it all for me too.   Never having the female childhood, and teenage years, were really tough.  After that I probably learned how to cope in the male world such that things didn't hurt so much.

Oh and by the way, not being a bridesmaid at my daughters wedding really hurt.   

It was however a blessing in disguise, because I was told, by a dear friend, that giving my daughter away was my last act as a father.  The freedom I felt was the catalyst which started my transition.

Jenny

maybe that my mom always wanted a daughter. we are five boys. including me.  no girls.  she wanted me to be that daughetr.   someimtes I feel sad bout that

Losing ones blood relatives.
Missing out on a big part of life.

(Not being able to have kids is fine with me.  Probably would have gone that route even if I was born the right sex.)

Hi, Chris,
I could feel the emotions, yours and your mom's, and all I can say is if it's any consolation, I wish I could just hug you, a big ((Cyber Hug)) Have a wonderful Christmas day!

My biggest hurt is not being able to see my two daughters.  What is left of the family refuse to accept me as Cindy so I don't expect to see them anytime soon.

Other then that, for me it's been like a reawakening. I've met a lot of people that I did my best to give support to as a social worker. I believe that was the best job I ever had.  I really loved working at it. Well, that job didn't go on because of who I am.  The position was given to another and I was let-go. Green pasture! Oh yes, totally.

My life is now coming back together piece by little piece. Each day is a wondrous miracle. Like getting up in the morning and opening the door wide and letting the golden sunlight streaming into the living room; taking a deep breath and savoring the fragrance of damp earth after a warm shower, and "Oh!" there is also the wonderful fragrance of wild flowers. 

I close my eyes and stretching out with a yawn, I smile, letting the sun warm my face. I then say,  "Good morning Great Spirit!" I  then thank The Great Spirit for bringing me forth to enjoy another day.  Clasping my hands, I bow down slightly, my long hair tumbling down over my shoulder, and I sum up my morning devotion and think, "What is the biggest gift given me? LIFE!" "What may I do in return on this day,  Great Spirit?"

Live each day like it was your last one. 

Cindy