Hey guys. Now some of you already know me and that I am transitioning to the body I feel more comfortable in which is the female one, I haven't started HRT yet so the whole journey is still rather long.

The question is to do with relationships / meeting people. My main interest is in girls, and I identify as a tomboy even though I am in a male boy currently. The question is, how the hell do you meet someone who doesn't freak out / wants to be with you when transitioning? I mean I don't want someone to be with me because I am a transexual, I don't want someone to be attracted to me because I am in a male body, though that being said if they were and accepted that I was transitioning that would be great.

Point being, if I went out to meet someone, got into a date etc wouldn't it be pointless because the likelihood is that they wouldn't be attracted to someone who is going MTF?

I mean I really do want to meet someone and I don't want to have to go to some specialized place to do it. Even if I could pass (which I am doing more and more now with makeup, some people have already ''mistaken'' me for a girl) when things got intimate it would probably scare them off? 

Don't count your strikes before they've been pitched.

You want to meet someone who is attracted to you - the real you, the you that is in the early stages of transitioning.  In my opinion, full disclosure is the only way to go.  You don't want someone who is attracted to a male body only to find later that you are female on the inside.  And you don't want someone who is attracted to a female appearance only to find that a significant part of their expectation doesn't match reality.  If they know the reality, because you've told them, and want to be with you anyway, then they are the person for you.

You can't guarantee that someone you meet won't freak out.  There are no guarantees in life.  You just have to do your own screening.   Check them out.  If things look promising, tell them, "Oh, by the way..."  Then you'll know.  The ones who pass the test will be worth getting to know.

I know that might sound a little flippant, and I realize that that will substantially reduce the size of the dating pool.  But really, there is no other way.

Quote from: KathyLauren on December 23, 2015, 05:32:51 PM
Don't count your strikes before they've been pitched.

You want to meet someone who is attracted to you - the real you, the you that is in the early stages of transitioning.  In my opinion, full disclosure is the only way to go.  You don't want someone who is attracted to a male body only to find later that you are female on the inside.  And you don't want someone who is attracted to a female appearance only to find that a significant part of their expectation doesn't match reality.  If they know the reality, because you've told them, and want to be with you anyway, then they are the person for you.

You can't guarantee that someone you meet won't freak out.  There are no guarantees in life.  You just have to do
your own screening.   Check them out.  If things look promising, tell them, "Oh, by the way..."  Then you'll knowThe ones who pass the test will be worth getting to know.

I know that might sound a little flippant, and I realize that that will substantially reduce the size of the dating pool.  But really, there is no other way

Are you meeting them online or in real life? Be honest. Tell them that you are transitioning




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This is sad because it's true. But don't give up on love. Ever.
Sorry if I'm being clumsy while quoting someone's profound thoughts, I'm not at all computer savvy.

Vinyl Scratch all I can do is share my experience and my thoughts coming in. I didn't plan on having any relationships coming in and waiting tell everything as done before doing so. As luck or fate would have it the relationship came to me. I was opened and honest about may transition and my plans. It's true my route is the MtF route, but my point in sharing that is you will be surprised by what you may find sometimes. he certainly wasn't looking for an MtF and certainly isn't staying in one because of the novelty but because he loves me and I love him. You should let things happen in the way you are most comfortable and see where that takes you. Only do and share what your comfortable with. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

If you don't want someone freaking out, make sure they're trans friendly first. Here's the first line of my OKCupid profile:

"I'm transgender. If that hasn't stopped you in your tracks, feel free to write."

Obviously, anyone who writes is OK with the fact. You're correct that most people only want to date in a traditional boy/girl style. So why waste everyone's time testing the 99%ers?

I get steady contact from the OKC account, but truth be known, I met my lover on craigslist. You have to filter out a lot of the replies there, though. Try it, you'll see! 

Have fun and I hope you find someone!

Hugs, Devlyn

If you find someone who is OK with you - loving and accepting - no matter what stage of your transition you're at, then by all means go for it.

Thank you for all the advice 

There isn't anyone in particular at the moment, really its just speculating towards the future

Hi Vinyl

I was checking out this dating site and I am only four months into transition. Guess what I met this wonderful guy and we are chatting and like each others personalities. I don't know if it a rebound for my wife giving me crap and telling me I must move on but I guess that led me to see what the dating life is like for a trans girl.Plus believe me he is hot!!! If he accepts you for who you are and respects you why wait?

Quote from: Amoré on December 24, 2015, 05:44:19 AM
Hi Vinyl

I was checking out this dating site and I am only four months into transition. Guess what I met this wonderful guy and we are chatting and like each others personalities. I don't know if it a rebound for my wife giving me crap and telling me I must move on but I guess that led me to see what the dating life is like for a trans girl.Plus believe me he is hot!!! If he accepts you for who you are and respects you why wait?

Well, just out of fear of rejection / complication really I suppose.

i asked myself this question before i started transitioning. for me though, it wasn't about someone who would be attracted to me but how selfish of a time transitioning is. it takes a lot of your time, a lot of your energy and focus, etc. i found it best to wait until i was in a comfortable place transitioning that i would have time for someone else (eg. after hormones). surgery wasn't a big deal though. i feel when you're just starting out and everything is new and you're trying to figure it all out, and sometimes the pressure of a relationship is a lot on top of that. if someone accepts you for you though and knows you are transitioning, good for them and you maybe should try that out. they would just need to understand a lot will change and you won't look the same over time, etc. it is a lot to deal with for a partner too who met you pre-transition. idk, that's just me though. i feel as if i would have liked it better if someone saw me as i would like to see me, fully male and nothing else that made me more comfortable when dating.

if you decide to date and meet someone, etc. then it is best to tell them straight up so they know what journey they are also getting into with you. how you'll need to communicate, things will change, transitioning will probably be a lot of your convo, etc. you would need someone to support you and respect you etc.

Quote from: Vinyl Scratch on December 23, 2015, 04:30:49 PM
The question is, how the hell do you meet someone who doesn't freak out / wants to be with you when transitioning? I mean I don't want someone to be with me because I am a transexual, I don't want someone to be attracted to me because I am in a male body, though that being said if they were and accepted that I was transitioning that would be great.

Point being, if I went out to meet someone, got into a date etc wouldn't it be pointless because the likelihood is that they wouldn't be attracted to someone who is going MTF?

Yes. It is kind of pointless but not impossible. It will be hard dating pre or post transition if you're honest about being mtf. I have lived this and I know it.

Again not impossible but difficult.

It happened to me, I was divorced and not looking for love. I just wanted to concentrate on my transition. But i met a woman who was an ally. She was immediately taken by me on our first encounter and we stuck up a friendship for six months before she told me of her true feelings for me. By that time she new of my story and plans for surgery. She loves me for me not what's between my legs. Yet she doesn't consider herself a lesbian as she's not really attracted to other women. I also ran with a meetup group of bisexual women who really liked what i had going on. So there are women out there who appreciate trans women and aren't deterred by it. Most I've met admire what I was going through. Good luck out there, best advice is get out and be yourself. You want to put your true self out there and that is what people will be drawn to!

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Let me join those telling that transitioning shouldn't stop from being with a partner, if one is at sight.

But they should be aware where the transition is heading and they should be okay with that.

Example. If somebody would see the woman in me now, and wanted to start dating, and I was interested, sure bring it on.