And by that I mean do things you were never able to do as a boy, mainly with clothes.

I've always wanted to wear super girly dresses and skirts and stuff but now at 22 that would obviously be super weird. It can make it difficult to decide what style I can actually pull off properly.

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Absolutely! I'd love to make up for lost time like having and wearing a pretty Christmas dress... and am totally doing that this Christmas! I have spent weeks putting it together. Even if it is only to wear it long enough to go check out the lights on the baordwalk, why not. Im sure the feeling it will give me will fill those gaps. It is so easy to wish you were able to do something... it's just as easy to look or be silly and do it! Fulfill those deep wants even if you look or feel silly! It's for you and no one else!

My wife and I are celebrating Christmas Eve like I've never done before... in our cute pajamas and drinking wine! Listening to Christmas music and watching the fire.

You're never too old!!

Merry Christmas!!

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I wish I had thought to do something for Christmas this year. Something I want to do so much is wear a sequin skirt, which ive seen to be somewhat common for these holidays. The problem is I'm a bigger girl so it would probably not good looking. I also live with my judgmental stepmother which makes it difficult.

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Alexagon, I definitely feel that way. I'm always casting about for age appropriate ways to experience what I should have had earlier in life.

Quote from: Alexagon on December 24, 2015, 08:17:46 PM
Something I want to do so much is wear a sequin skirt, which ive seen to be somewhat common for these holidays. The problem is I'm a bigger girl so it would probably not good looking. I also live with my judgmental stepmother which makes it difficult.

If it were me, I'd go for it. It's very freeing to live life the way you want to instead of the way others expect you to.

Quote from: suzifrommd on December 24, 2015, 08:33:12 PM
Alexagon, I definitely feel that way. I'm always casting about for age appropriate ways to experience what I should have had earlier in life.

I think of all the women who grew up as little girls and I can't help but feel envious. I see them every once in a while and for gods sake I'm envious of a 6 year old girl. That sucks lol.

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Quote from: Alexagon on December 24, 2015, 08:35:40 PM
I think of all the women who grew up as little girls and I can't help but feel envious. I see them every once in a while and for gods sake I'm envious of a 6 year old girl. That sucks lol.

I hear ya.

I console myself by knowing that I know far more about the gendered world than someone who grew up with a body that matched her gender. I've seen life from the male side, the female side, and in between. How may people get to say that?

Also, that six-year-old girl will never appreciate what she has. I thank my stars every single day that I get to be a woman and I never forget how wonderful it is.

I'd say it's normal. It's like you finally want to do all the things you wanted but couldn't. This year I'm just enjoying the sense of calm, but next year my mom said she wanted to see about having me visit her. It would be my first trip after changing everything so it's really exciting. My friend is also getting married so it'd be really cool to celebrate that with her as myself.

There's just so much I want to do that I don't know where to start.

Quote from: suzifrommd on December 24, 2015, 08:45:04 PM
I hear ya.

I console myself by knowing that I know far more about the gendered world than someone who grew up with a body that matched her gender. I've seen life from the male side, the female side, and in between. How may people get to say that?

Also, that six-year-old girl will never appreciate what she has. I thank my stars every single day that I get to be a woman and I never forget how wonderful it is.

You're right. I do have more perspective than they ever will. I really wish I could be thankful everyday but I feel like I'm already taking it for granted. Maybe that's because it feels very natural, as if I have already been doing this?

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Quote from: Alexagon on December 24, 2015, 08:35:40 PM
I think of all the women who grew up as little girls and I can't help but feel envious. I see them every once in a while and for gods sake I'm envious of a 6 year old girl. That sucks lol.

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I hear ya. This is how I feel alot when I see them. They have no idea how lucky they are.

Quote from: Larisa1983 on December 24, 2015, 08:48:44 PM
I hear ya. This is how I feel alot when I see them. They have no idea how lucky they are.

Right? I have a co worker who is as much of a tomboy as you can get, and even have a masculine voice for a woman. I always wonder, as ridiculous as it may sound, why she deserved to be born female and not me. It depresses pisses me off to no end.

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I do feel like Ive lost time. This is one reason I wont transition. I know that sounds weird but I can't make up lost time even when becoming who I am. I will however one day fully be a girl. That lost time, I used to feel stupid like why didnt say anything like it's my fault. I realized that lost time was no ones fault.

This is one of the reasons I have such a sour attitude towards guys is because having been born like someone I dont understand and dont relate to and am not makes me mad that I have to deal with it. If I was just turned into any other girl, that sour attitude would go away. One day everything will be right I know.

My therapist asked a similar question and after thinking about it I said no.  My life has actually been pretty good and I have few regrets.  Sure I missed out on things but then again has I been born CIS I would have missed out on all the things that I did do.  Now is the time for a course correction but I'm only looking ahead into the exciting unknown.


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Alexa, I absolutely can relate.  I know this is an old post, but I deliberately searched for posts, blogs or articles about this subject.  You mentioned envy of very young girls. I get it.  I too am sad for all that youth that I didn't have as a girl.  I however bravely or insanely it may be, choose to live that life now.  All the things of a young girls life, I give to myself now.  Shamelessly.  Granted, neither of us could rewind and get the upbringing, nurturing, and exciting christmas mornings of the other 5 year old girls, but life is ours to create... and if that includes youth, then by all means live it.  I find myself allowing all the bliss and mindset of a kid too, and it's pretty sweet.

Hello Upstatekelly

I have envied little girls since I was 4. My earliest thoughts on girls clothing were that they buttoned cardigans and coats the other way round and I really envied little girls shoes at school and of course the pretty dresses.

I first crossdressed at age 7 in a friend's Wendy House (Play House).

However I realize I cannot turn the clock back. I am 63 now and on HRT and will definitely publicly transition in 2019.

Oh the fantasy life of childhood and so much better as a little girl!

Hugs

Pamela

To the original poster, I don't think it's weird to wear any dresses if that's what you wish. I don't really like tutu skirts and tiara stuff, but I do love hot pink nails. And guess what my nails are since Friday? They're pretty chipped and messed up too. Oops.

Even at 13 as a boy I loved wearing leggings around the house but was too ashamed to anywhere else. Now all I wear are leggings or jeggings, and of course shorts, skirts and dresses.

While I feel like I missed out on being a "girl" by society standards for the past 27 years, I haven't exactly chosen a conventional route now either.

Yes, I could be depressed and resentful that I wasn't born a cis woman or given an oppurtunity to transition as a kid. But we're trans woman now, and who we are and what we do with our lives counts.

Sorry if that's preachy. Well it is lol hmm am I preaching to the choir?[emoji28]

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Quote from: upstatekelly on October 09, 2018, 08:42:20 AMYou mentioned envy of very young girls. I get it. 

        "Hindsight is 20/20". "If I only knew then what I know now". "What a shame how youth is wasted on the young". All sayings that older people use but unfortunately life doesn't work that way, lol what if born a cis girl just to discover your FtM?

        Once upon a time a child myself and now the grandparent of three I really don't see much difference in the growing experiences between very young girls and boys heck they certainly wouldn't think so themselves. At least not until much later. And then you have the whole LGBT "sexual orientation" issue. Do you think you'd be happier without that? While I wish I had discovered and done something about "the true me" sooner I certainly wouldn't wish this upon another young child too! 

        Because of all the stuff we currently have I joke with daughter about dressing her newborn boy "as a girl" but, alas, don't think it's gonna happen! The new joke is "doctors can't tell the gender/sex of a newborn until old enough to ask them". So at what age is that? And how much is manufactured and how much predisposed, innate? I feel much of TG'ism is probably connected to a dissatisfaction with "life in general" is the grass really greener on the other side?

The intriguing thing I suppose the only way to find out is for yourself! And living vicariously through another can be very deceptive, doesn't seem like the best way to approach it.

Quote from: upstatekelly on October 09, 2018, 08:42:20 AM
Alexa, I absolutely can relate.  I know this is an old post, but I deliberately searched for posts, blogs or articles about this subject.  You mentioned envy of very young girls. I get it.  I too am sad for all that youth that I didn't have as a girl.  I however bravely or insanely it may be, choose to live that life now.  All the things of a young girls life, I give to myself now.  Shamelessly.  Granted, neither of us could rewind and get the upbringing, nurturing, and exciting christmas mornings of the other 5 year old girls, but life is ours to create... and if that includes youth, then by all means live it.  I find myself allowing all the bliss and mindset of a kid too, and it's pretty sweet.

Hi, Kelly!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

I have always longed to be a woman.  Now that I can do so freely, I have no longing for a second childhood.  I am having way too much fun in the present to be longing for a lost past.  I am looking forward, not back.  I plan to be a weird old lady, not a little girl.

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I probably would have been lost in a sea of pretty young girls. But I make one hell of a hot 56 year old broad. 

No regrets.

We were too poor to afford clothes that only one person could wear, so I was often in my older Sis's hand-me-downs.
I say you are never too old to dress how you wish. Dress according to your mental age, not your chronological age. My wife still puts me into girly outfits, ruffles and bows, pink and puffy pettycoats.

Quote from: Jin on October 09, 2018, 11:09:06 AMMy wife still puts me into girly outfits, ruffles and bows, pink and puffy pettycoats.

My 'SO' seems to enjoy doing same . . . until I start out the front door!

I see your sig, a twist on Molière: "A learned fool, while perhaps the greater fool, is still infinitely better off than a totally ignorant one!"

lol Sometimes I *cringe* when SHE steps out the front door! I could never envy a pretty 8yr old in skirts. Time is against all-of-us equally how could she ever possibly have the same life experiences as I? As "an example" suppose best one could hope for is BE the best woman ever she MIGHT become?