As the title suggests, I'm currently feeling very confused. 

I recently started therapy for my Gender issues, which are undoubtedly real, but a part of me feels like I'm a fraud. As I said I'd much rather be seen as female than male, but I've no interest in SRS and don't really feel a strong need to wear dresses or anything. I would love to dress in female clothing, but I'd probably be most comfortable sticking with a basic leather jacket/white t-shirt combo, with skinny jeans. I'd start HRT in a heartbeat, and this may well be a possibility next year, but I really don't want breasts. I guess I'm just feeling like I'm not "trans" enough to ever change, even though I know I shouldn't.

I don't know if it's ok to share videos on here, and if it's not then I apologise and please edit this out, but I came across this one recently and was insanely jealous of this persons transition. If I could get to the point this person's up to then I think I'd be 100% happy with myself (with perhaps some Voice Therapy). Even their style is the same. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv2wvx0fzm4&index=2&list=LLOjFtMOaaC00GCNgHItnPtg

What does everyone think? Am I likely to get sent to a Gender Identity Clinic when I have no desire for a full transition?

Quote from: T90 on December 25, 2015, 05:21:08 PM
What does everyone thing? Am I likely to get sent to a Gender Identity Clinic when I have no desire for a full transition?

I wrote EXACTLY the same thing when I was first trying to figure it all out. I had no desire for SRS, told a friend I wouldn't be caught dead in a dress, just wanted to transition and live as a woman.

For the record, I had SRS last year and now wear skirts every chance I get.

But that doesn't have to be you. You get to decide how you want live and what presenting your gender means to you. You. No one else. No two of us is alike and there is no one right way or wrong way to be trans, just as there is not right or wrong way to transition. You only need to be yourself.

Please don't let anyone else's conception about what it means to be trans to cloud your own.

Quote from: suzifrommd on December 25, 2015, 05:34:33 PM
Please don't let anyone else's conception about what it means to be trans to cloud your own.

That's just it, it's entirely in my own head that I'm having these questions. I just feel very lost in myself really, to the point where Gender is on my mind almost 24/7, with me thinking how awful it would be to spend my life as a man, but also not wanting some of the effects of HRT (i.e. breast growth).

Thank you for the kind words though. 

You need some form of gender treatment because you are transgender but I don't know the country you live in or the standards they go by. In some countries, only people going through a full transition are accepted into the programs. Others are more relaxed and allow more variation. When you pay for your care personally, often you escape more of the rules and may be treated when a government program wouldn't accept you. If you are using a government program, they should post the standards their program uses. If you don't qualify you will need to do it privately.

Quote from: Dena on December 25, 2015, 07:10:56 PM
You need some form of gender treatment because you are transgender but I don't know the country you live in or the standards they go by. In some countries, only people going through a full transition are accepted into the programs. Others are more relaxed and allow more variation. When you pay for your care personally, often you escape more of the rules and may be treated when a government program wouldn't accept you. If you are using a government program, they should post the standards their program uses. If you don't qualify you will need to do it privately.

I live in the UK. Scotland to be precise. 

I am not really familiar with the programs in the UK but I know sometimes the wait time can be long. You could receive private care but you would be paying out of pocket.

You should be able to find more information at the following link
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gender-dysphoria/Pages/policy-guidelines.aspx

I think at my next appointment with my therapist (in two weeks time), I'll ask if it's possible that she might refer me at the end of our sessions.

I'm still feeling very confused, but the fact that I'm worried about not being offered HRT, and ultimately becoming more masculine, in the future is surely a sign that transitioning would be right for me.

I think you are jumping a few steps ahead of where you are in reality. This can easily lead to "am I trans enough". The answer usually comes up as "No", simply because you likely have no really clear idea of exactly who you are and have barely begun questioning that and it sounds like not having done a lot of exploring alternatives.

Probably the hardest person to come out to is to yourself. Questioning who you may truly be is just the beginning of the job. Breaking down the barriers that were built over a lifetime of living up to expectations put upon you by others and even yourself takes work. After a good six years of working the question I can readily come up with just as many reasons why I am "not trans trans enough" as I can for simply being trans.

A difficult question to answer is "Trans enough... for what?"

To fit into some "Standard Narrative" on what a transgender person is and "the only known cure"? I am trans enough to know beyond the shadow of any doubt that I am trans. I am trans enough to know I Need to do certain things to manage it in a healthy manner vs the many ways I tried for decades mismanaging it or otherwise beating it (and myself) into submission.

Quote from: JoanneB on December 26, 2015, 11:14:33 AM
I think you are jumping a few steps ahead of where you are in reality. This can easily lead to "am I trans enough". The answer usually comes up as "No", simply because you likely have no really clear idea of exactly who you are and have barely begun questioning that and it sounds like not having done a lot of exploring alternatives.

Probably the hardest person to come out to is to yourself. Questioning who you may truly be is just the beginning of the job. Breaking down the barriers that were built over a lifetime of living up to expectations put upon you by others and even yourself takes work. After a good six years of working the question I can readily come up with just as many reasons why I am "not trans trans enough" as I can for simply being trans.

A difficult question to answer is "Trans enough... for what?"

To fit into some "Standard Narrative" on what a transgender person is and "the only known cure"? I am trans enough to know beyond the shadow of any doubt that I am trans. I am trans enough to know I Need to do certain things to manage it in a healthy manner vs the many ways I tried for decades mismanaging it or otherwise beating it (and myself) into submission.

I think you hit the nail on the head right away there. It's the waiting that's difficult. In an ideal world I'd wake up tomorrow looking and passing as completely female, but these things take time. I shall have to trust in my therapist, as I'm sure she'll refer me once she sees how necessary it is.

Two weeks until my next appointment with my therapist, but that seems like forever when you've got gender on your mind 24/7.