Yesterday truly was terrible, it wasn't until near the end that I started to feel like myself again. I did have some good times playing games though. Had a terrible nightmare about my sis, it was like old times and I don't mean old as in good. (There were few good times in our relationship given circumstances) I think I might've had another nightmare too but eh, can't be sure or remember at the moment. I felt depressed and terrible upon waking up, just layed in bed for close to an hour.
Upon getting up, I actually felt good, better than ever. I feel free right now and as if a weight has been lifted off of me. I can only hope this new found freedom, lasts. I've realized, I've lost my sister, I've lost my Dad and step mom whom, have yet to get an email from me but, the gloves are off. I am a woman and won't put up with their foolishness, their uneducated ways (even though I've educated them!) nor their ignorant ways for what NOT TO say to a trans person and how NOT to treat them! They've caused me great amounts of depression, stress, suicidal thoughts etc. and despite me telling them this, they literally don't care! They keep doing it again and again and again and while I've seen a tiny bit of progress where they have gone somewhat neutral, it's not much at all and not enough and the comments just keep getting worse and worse! I am NOT a freak! Nor a monster and that last comment regarding keeping the kids away from me and how you got my dad involved when I tried to ask a favor was the final straw! NO! This Christmas was the last straw! Keep your presents! Don't DARE to tell me either you come today (Christmas) or I won't get my presents! When you give someone a gift it comes from the kindness of your heart, no catches, no strings attached nor do you expect anything in return and you CERTAINLY do NOT hold a gift'(s) hostage! So again, you can KEEP your "gifts", I do not need or want them.
Ok, rant over. I feel even better now. Point is, I will be sending them an email in the near future telling them how it's going to be and if they can't at least meet me half way to go neutral then, good bye. They clearly chose their misguided belief in religion despite what Jesus taught us and this isn't my fault or choice! I'm not abandoning you! You're abandoning
ME! I am fully prepared for that reality to happen but I can't take it no more, just like when I came out to them, it's do or die time and I choose to live! I don't need people in my life who can't be respectful to me and while it's true I certainly have disabilities and obstacles to face and I don't know what the future holds and it does scare me some, I also have not looked forward to the future this much in a long time.
@Laura, suzi and Debra: I appreciate the attempt but when you're depressed over what I was, you just don't want to mingle or try and cheer someone else up, ya know? That said, I did make at least one person happy with a Christmas gift I'd gotten them which made me happy in return although that was 2-3 days before Christmas. lol Thank you for trying though and even just you taking the time to post makes me feel better because, if no one posts or less people post, you begin to feel like no one cares, especially when you come back here and see other topics posted that day got a lot more posts in them, not that I don't understand though. lol Again, thank you.
*hugs each of you*
@Christina: Okabe is calling you.
RP over. See, its not that I don't want to celebrate the holidays, it's that there's no point. When you have no one you know in real life to celebrate the holidays with, there's just no point because that's what the holidays are all about, not the presents, not the activities but spending time together. For now, I don't know if I'll ever celebrate another holiday again besides my birthday but I hope I'll be able to with my future wife and hopefully tech gets better so future kids someday. That is my hope for the future.
Quote from: Christina308 on December 25, 2015, 04:44:46 PM
My key to success lies in my own commitment to self reliance. If you reduce your reliance on other people for emotional or financial supports, you gain control in those areas. Consider ditching the sources of argument, and you'll be happier. Your all you'll need!
I don't believe for me, that I'm all I'll need, especially when I've been alone most of my life and know I need someone by my side. That said, thank you, the rest quoted is exactly what I needed to hear. It helped numb the pain and seriously today has helped me to feel this new found freedom. (Incase you couldn't tell with what I posted above lol) It won't be easy but I don't got a choice it seems and I look forward to this future even if I am a bit scared right now. I nearly forgot, thank you once again and *hugs*
