So how did your year pan out? I know that 2015 was a huge struggle for many members, coming to terms with their sense of self, struggling with the meaning of that, the possibilities and reaction, even rejection, of those close to them. For others it was full steam ahead, dealing with issues, their transition well underway or completed to a level they were happy with.

I'm going to keep it shortish... these are my lowlights and highlights of 2015... please feel free to add yours below.

The Bad: Was made redundant from my job of 16 years in late January. It wasn't all bad in that I got a nice payout and an easy exit from a place I had once loved but now found very stressful to work at due to the new (idiotic) managers.

Also bad... had a verbal stoush with my father via email as he passed from his denial over my transition into his anger stage. On the positive side, we kept it fairly respectful, it seems to have helped cleared the air and he is apparently OK-ish with meeting me in public and at his and my mother's home now.

In the love department nothing happened, I signed up with a couple of women's dating sites, got quite a few bites and even one date but me being pre GRS trans seems to be a major impediment for ladies who like vag. Do I want to work on dating in 2016? Dunno.

The Good: Looking for a job as a woman was a new and interesting challenge. And, even though I wasn't stating it in interviews or applications, I was also essentially applying as a trans woman...whether that played a part in me not getting some of those jobs I was interviewed for I couldn't say. After four months I did get a great job with a great organisation. A definite highlight, it boosted my self confidence and gave me a new, exciting platform for my skills and new awesome people to work and mix with.

Also good... passed two years on HRT with everything still going well; passed one year living as Grace; electrolysis on my beard is nearly finished; started looking into GRS, I wish it was done yesterday but I'm deliberately holding off until late 2016...

The Ugly: Pretty much got told I couldn't be a member of a women's gym unless I furnished proof of GRS. This was despite me not stating I was trans but they just went ahead and assumed it anyway. I considered and even wrote a letter of complaint, which I ultimately did nothing with because I took too long to get my $#&@ together and six months had passed. On the plus side I now have something in case I need it next time!!

Also ugly... my sister continues to hold out on telling her daughter about me which keeps me cut off from certain family gatherings. It's been 21 months now since I've seen my niece or nephews. My sister uses a lot of paranoid excuses to hand wave her behaviour towards me. Need to reconsider my strategy in 2016.

The Beautiful: I'm pretty happy with my life, all things considered. I have my ups and downs but I try to make the ups more significant. For example, my mother introducing me to two of her friends as her daughter... a small thing really but it meant so much. My social life, while not pumping, is pretty good and generally better than it used to be... my friendship with women (cis and trans) is now so much stronger and it makes my heart sing with happiness. It feels like things are going great but could be better, I can't rest on my laurels despite sometimes feeling totally exhausted and overwhelmed by it on occasion.

If I want 2016 to be stellar then I'm going to have to work on it... who knows, maybe my sister will actually call me her sister, my father will call me his daughter, my niece will meet her aunt, I'll find a great woman to share my life with... and I can hit the gym without any discrimination.

How about you?

This year for me was a turning point in my life, having discovered HRT even existed.

Until then i thought that extensive surgeries were the only option, i really wish this information was more readily available, i only stumbled acroaa it on forums related to natural breast enhancements.

My first therapy appointment is on the 28th and i cant wait to see where my life goes from there.

I also came out to my wife and while its not been easy i must say it hasnt been as hard as i thought.

Heres to 2016 and hopefully HRT asap until then ill be using phytos to feed the thirst lol.

Happy New Year!

~Shan~

I'm doing good. Like all my past wishes I wish I would of come out a long time ago , but I haven't figured out how to manipulate  time yet , but still working on it.. I love being me and the damn with anyone getting in my way. I even think I have conquered the greatest conundrum of all time. I was at Target today seeing if if my low cut black lace dress was on sale after the holiday's and two sweet little girls kept staring at me and I kept eye contact to see what they would do and one girl kept looking back and forth at me then finally resumed eating and enjoying her food. The other one kept staring with a blank look until walking away. I think they are just eyeballing another female that's older and not their mother..

I'm sorry your sister is being so incredibly mean. My niece dumped me  when I told her I was trans. I think a big part of it besides her mothers influence was that she's got two sons around 6 and 7 and I don't think she wanted me around them.

I'll bite!

The Good: Finishing my journey but realising that my physical journey may be over but my life journey is not over but beginning. I have so much I want to accomplish and a burning desire to do so. The realisation that I have dealt with my past both psychologically and practically. I am no longer haunted; that freedom is magnificent.

Meeting so many incredible people, both here and in everyday life, so many have inspired me and taught me what life is about. Having friendships that are meaningful and wonderful, friends who I can rely on and who can rely on me. Gaining the inner strength and serenity to realise that.

Organising and managing another successful conference on transgender health. Meeting so many medical providers and knowing how deeply they care for the transgender and gender diverse community.

Being approached by a TV company wanting to make a documentary of my life. Actually not sure if that is good!

The Bad Watching and living my wife's physical and mental destruction, as I grow she fades, and it breaks my heart.
Not being able to help people as much as I wish to.

Dealing with Federal and State health politicians and realising how weak they are and in many cases finding that they have little desire to help society, just themselves.

Work Both good and bad, being fully accepted as me, with the consequence that I am now a woman to be ignored by male senior managers. Dealing with the complex political work issues that directly affects the lives of my employees and not being able to accomplish what I want due to budget pressures and the stupidity of my political masters.

Susan's My other work! Working with a team that inspires me and whom I trust and admire. Reading posts of how my community face challenges like no other and so often overcome them. Reading posts of despair and pain and not being able to help.

Love life Wonderful with moments of angst and necessarily private.

The Future Knowing I have one and feeling strong enough to not only to keep fighting for the rights of my community but having the strength and increasingly the means and knowledge to take that fight to higher levels.


Was 2015 a good year? Yes, it was awesome!

wow , what a different perception of being trans than I had before finding Susan's little oasis.

I'm not ashamed anymore

What a great thread!

The Good: Finally confronted my issues and avoided ending it all.  On top of that, my marriage is better than ever and I am healthy (and alive).  Also, we are about to finally launch our conscious directory business (but we are aiming for the 4th of January so I don't know if that technically counts).

The Bad: My family coming out was met by some of the worse things a person can possibly say to another person being directed at us by her side of the family (I'm already estranged from most of mine).

The Ugly: Realizing how evil people can be towards people they don't even know nor understand.  This year has been a struggle in maintaining my faith in humanity.  Regaining it slowly.

The Beautiful: I am alive!  I am finally in a body whose chemistry finally matches me and things are only getting better in that department.  Aside from my SRS, if I didn't progress any further, I would still be a complete and content human.  Knowing that progress is still happening only makes this sweeter.

Sane, happy, and alive.  Three things I have NEVER experienced before at the same time.  These things are mine now.

The Bad: Was kicked out of my parents house and became homeless and had no job or hopes... Also dysphoria days are getting worse the longer I hold off my transition goals, and surgeries.

The Good: I moved to Boston when I stopped self-medicating, which is working well, I am living with a guy and he offered me a job at his restaurant, and I am visinting some nice places, and went full time since now I have more freedom without my parents. I also dyed my hair red, and I am free of doing whatever I want to regarding how I present my gender.

The Ugly: The guy I am living with is a lot older than me, and he has some anger issues, and he is a pervert, and I don't like him, and can't wait to go away from here, but for now, I wouldn't know where to go. My family doesn't miss me one bit. Also, there was a guy I liked back in Buffalo but I couldn't see him more, even tho he still texts me and I also miss going to school.

The Beautiful: I feel beautiful sometimes which helps boost my confidence, as well as the fact that I am happy about passing finally, I need to change my documents, I had to take a flight and i get stopped all the times, because I don't look like the picture on my passport (which was me when I was 8 year old, so it didn't look like me much, even before transition)...

I will bite too.

Good Finished therapy, got both of my letters for SRS, Year on HRT, Year with my boyfriend.

Ugly Due to so many things going wrong in May on a trip to Phoenix, even though the mission of the trip went well, I ended up having a seizure in a bus terminal after being seizure free for 2 and half years coming into that point.

Beautiful Becoming totally comfortable in my own flesh enough to where therapy is no longer needed and that I was able to grow enough that I became a moderator here on the forums where I have thrived helping others like myself. Hugs
Mariah

Well I have an interesting perspective on this.

Good: Finally got a job in my field of paleontology for the summer, it was in Canada so I got to spend four months living outside the USA. That helped my professional development a lot and gave me a broader perspective on things. Didn't keep it (see below), but it was good while it lasted. And I managed to get a volunteer position doing similar work in Arizona, where I've been living with and connecting with my relatives here whom I haven't seen much of for a very long time. Also, I managed to find myself an amazing girlfriend here.

Bad: I spent the first four months gradually bleeding out money and living at my parents' house. Despite my efforts, I could not keep the job in Canada. I really liked being paid to work on fossils and I liked living in Canada a lot. I had been planning to move there permanently too, but without a job I had to return to the USA. I still have to work a relatively unsatisfying job to pay the bills while I volunteer to work on fossils here.

Ugly? Beautiful? Not sure which, really: Around the end of July, I decided to take a stab at shaving my pubic hair, which I never liked. Turns out it worked, but I felt I could do better. I then started shaving my chest hair. After that, the softness and smoothness felt great, but I felt I could still do better. Armpits and legs came next, and by the end of my time in Canada I was shaving all my body hair every day. However... I still felt my body was incomplete; somehow, it still could be better. Memories and desires started coming back to me in the months that followed. I had wanted to be able to switch sexes at will. I realized I could do that, or at any rate duplicate the effects, by choosing clothes and makeup carefully, and felt the idea of having an alternate "girl form" just for fun appealed to me. As I worked to make myself a little more androgynous to try the idea out, I found myself remembering more. I had wanted to be a girl back when I was 13, I had whispered strange desires to myself during sexual moments in college, and I had seen myself as a woman in the mirror once when crossdressing for an event, not as a guy in a skirt. I was beginning to wonder who I really was.

On October 20th, 2015, I finally asked myself the all-important question: If I could have any type of body I wanted without any social or cultural factors restraining me, what would it be? The answer came instantly and was totally unexpected. I would really rather be female if I had a choice. I tried to deny it, but it kept coming back to me. Switching sexes at will? The only reason I would willingly be male would be to interact with my family or go to work or do something else tied to society's expectations of me. If nobody cared, I would just stay in female form all the time. I was transgender, I had felt it since I was 13, and the feelings had just been hiding in the background the whole time.

Since then, I've still been lost in confusion and doubt, still wondering if this was really me. I joined here shortly after that revelation to sort out my feelings about it, and I have found you to be a major source of advice and support for me. I've grown more confident in myself since, to the point where I have even been appearing in public as female occasionally. I intend to see a therapist to help me figure things out next month, and by the end of next year I would like to have a plan in motion to transition if necessary. It's a scary thing to think about, though, and the consequences of attempting such a drastic change in my life could really scare or anger those around me. However, if I become certain that this is who I am and what I want, I will transition then and hope things work out in the future.

All in all, this year was a huge one for me. Things changed a lot over the year, and if my suspicions are correct they will change even more during the next.

The Good  I survived
The Bad    I survived
The Ugly   Too much to cover in it's entirety. The past 6 months of one existential crises after another as all that I've accomplished these past 5-6 years seems for naught. That not just "This is as good as it gets" is more like what had been was the best it will ever be and it's all downhill from there. So stop kidding yourself. This is on all aspects of my life. The trans front being the least in crises, just on perpetual hold at the intersection of Hopelessness and Futility.

The biggest, dealing with my BFF, Reality Therapist and wife of nearly 40 years now slowly worsening condition. Her body, once able to beat the tar out of anyone and swim for miles in the ocean, a mere bony shell, afraid of water, even a shower. The well justified depression and constant pain often leading to bouts of suicidal thoughts. Those days/weeks I fear of what I'll come home to from work.

The Solace  Or debatable diversion, Work. Year two back at my old place providing the many chalenges and many confirmations to me of how good of an engineer I am. The one aspect of life that kinda sorta works. Much needed these days, and a far cry different then life in the Seventh Circle of Hell, aka the military industrial complex.

The Surprising  A few starting with how deep my acceptance of being trans, no being a woman, is. Even in full male mode being able to look past that and see the real me. In female mode while embracing myself totally shocked to realize I am not wearing a bra, it is all me! And then the surprising dreams (or nightmares?) when I wake up with my heart racing, perhaps a sweat, after a dream in which I am not just a woman (not all that unusual for many years) but one with a male lover. Perhaps my wife's fears of my road to self-discovery aren't totally unfounded?

The Epiphany  That I do not want to NOT be able to transition.

The end result of many days of crying after dealing with the first of many 'Challenges'. I cannot take 'Transition' (whatever that truly may be for me) off the table any more then I ever consider going back to being that 'Thing' I evolved into after decades of fighting being trans.

Now, if only I can have another epiphany as to how to have my cake and eat it too. Well, I have mostly accomplished my goal of 6 years ago to get these two, seemingly disparate, aspects of myself to peacefully coexist withing one far healthier and far far happier person. That too seemed like an impossibility back then, but I gave it my all

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 26, 2015, 06:33:51 PM
After four months I did get a great job with a great organisation.

Great stories, Grace.

I am just wondering whether you can reveal your new job  .

barbie~~

The Good

For the first time in my life:


The Bad

A few weeks later, I got a warning call from the president of my university to refrain from posting bikini photos in Facebook  . I do not want to argue with the administrative professors.

barbie~~

Good: Figuring out that the way I've felt for the past 60 years has a name (dysphoria), and that doing something about it is an option for me in real life as well as in my dreams.  Finding Susan's and meeting the great people here.

Bad: Realizing that there is at least a 50-50 chance that my marriage will not survive.  Being told to "follow the joy" and realizing that I wouldn't recognize it if I saw it.

Ugly: Trying decide whether and how to come out to my wife.  Coming to terms with the potential fallout from that.

Beautiful: I feel so much lighter when I contemplate a future where I own my trans reality.  Now I know where the expression "a weight off my mind" comes from.

Great thread idea Grace!

The Bad:
No easy solutions are going to come. Dysphoria affects every aspect of life. Get pretty scared sometimes thinking of the road ahead, requiring hard, risky choices.

The Good:
Self-awareness on the rise, I've found some great friends I think here, already feel some weight lifted off my shoulders, and it is wonderful to be free to explore who I am.

The Beautiful:
I've found beauty here from the precious, loving spirits of those of you who have shared from your hearts trying to help others or seeking help for the trials you are going through. It is contagious, as I've explored my identity I find myself having a more friendly caring spirit and becoming less reserved in doing so. The timing of my own surprising surge in self-awareness has been perfect for helping me to be more caring and loving to family members also afraid of how others will accept them as they are (which I've posted about elsewhere.)


Soon I will be having to deal with my issues in head-on. I pray that it won't be so hard and that i won't experience dismay, scorn, and rejection from those I love. So it's not the Ugly yet, let's hope it isn't so bad.

Good:
  My neuropathy in the feet and ankles going into remission. 5 months into the IV treatments. A slow and arduous recovery ahead. I managed to get back on the bicycle this fall. Severe bouts of fatigue is associated with the treatment.

Bad:
  It took 6 months after being diagnosed of the type of neuropathy to get the treatment. A communication error between my doctor's secretary and the provider of the service I had to repair myself. Some additional damage to the ankle muscle nerves in that time. Diagnoses of this disorder is of last resort due to the rarity of this disorder. Some are in wheelchairs from this disorder by the time they are diagnosed. The proper treatments for this are 90% effective for full remission though but these particular treatments are worthless for the other causes of neuropathy. Additional weight gain and and strength loss from too much bedtime.

Ugly:
  The residual pain and the tiredness caused a lot of things not done and out of mind, including the decision whether to go full time and more participation of observing and imaging runs with my telescopes not done. Still more daytime maintenance runs at the club's DSS than the nighttime observing runs the past 4 years.

Beautiful:
  Nothing much for 2015 but the possibility of getting around better in 2016. If it is not one darn thing, it is another the past 4 years.

Joelene

I'll bite:

The Good:  I came out to my wife in the spring of 2015, she still loves me and accepts me, and I have the go ahead to fully dress around the house, and in our walled gardens, which surround the house.  We also have a private swimming pool, so I can wear bikinis when swimming.  My wife also helps me shop for clothes.  I have heels, makeup and nail polish and she does not mind.  She even lets me partially dress or dress androgynous on short public outings.

The Bad:  My wife does not want me coming out to anyone else or publicly transitioning, even though her family and friends are liberal and tolerant, and some are gay and transgender.  She is afraid for my career, too (self employed attorney).

The Ugly:  I had some high school friends over for a get together in June (We are all around 50 years old now) and there were some cracks and jokes about Caitlyn Jenner.  My wife's response after they left?  "You can't ever come out to them."

The Beautiful:  I'm small enough to look cute in a bikini.  I would post pics, but that would violate my understanding with my wife, and my marriage means more to me than anything.

This was a really eventful and crazy year for me. So much has happened during it, so many changes were made. (I can never make a short post...)

The Good:  Came out to so many people, omg! I went into this process expecting to or at least preparing for the possibility of losing everything and everybody but really, it couldn't have gone much better. I've had 2 people that took issue it, an aunt who I wasn't all that close to, saw 1-2x a month but hasn't spoken to me since, me to her either, and a cousin who to my face seems/ed ok with it but heard she and my aunt were talking badly behind my back about me at a family gathering. I saw her when I saw my aunt but now only see her once in awhile but we still talking. She did do me a big favor a few months ago so we're on ok terms; idk if she is really ok with it or not but to my face she is nice at least.

Passed the 1 yr mark on hrt and finally got decent (according to my doc, i'd still prefer a little more tinkering) blood test results (hormonally).

Finally got my smile fixed. That took forever and was pretty rough.

The vast majority of facial hair is gone! Only took 1.5 yrs to get here!! Its so nice tho! Nice not to have to shave everyday.

Got so much new clothes! 

Actually started presenting female in public! That was huge! Started off only going out as dude, then went out as dude on outside, girl underneath, switching in the car (that was lame! AND I STILL GOT CAUGHT AND OUTTED LOL!...), then all girl mode to therapy, groups, doc appointments (after looking out my window for 30 minutes to make SURE the coast was clear..), that type of thing, then to my bros (after came out to him) then in June my speech therapist dragged me to the mall with her for my like my first really public outing (not really but she suggested it, sounds better that way tho hehe)(<3 her!). Heard my uncle heard about me soon after that, stupid blabber mouth cousin!, so went on vacation to see him shortly after, spent like 4 days ft girl mode! After that, started going out more and more around my area to where now, I'm mostly in girlmode, work being the main exception (am out to employees there tho). Such a big diff from when I started to now, much more confident but still not all the way there yet. Just had my first special event type thing too last week, a memorial for someone, but i had avoided those types of occasions till then. I never really had any issues while out, yet at least, knock on wood.

The Bad: I missed quite a bit of work this year. I missed about 5 weeks in Jan/Feb. This is the stupidest reason ever but, my boss wanted my hair up...I refused. My hair wasn't that long and I felt would look stupid like that. I was afraid about what coworkers and customers would say and I guess I was afraid that they'd figure things out about me (wasn't out yet) and I wasn't ready for that.  My boss knew but that was all. Took me about 5 weeks to come to terms with it and ofc, turned out to not be a big deal.

I had many doctor appointments that caused me to miss work too. I missed prolly another 3-4 weeks cuz of having my teeth fixed and I took a few trips up north too.

As mentioned previously, not on speaking terms with aunt. Used to see a few family members every other week for breakfast but since she has problems with it, not invented since.

Having to use a credit card or so my id to strangers (still guy name/pic )

The Ugly: I listed this as good but it was ugly at times too. My teeth caused me many issues. I was so stressed out about having em fixed, was soooo depressed at times leading up to it, even had some suicidal thoughts bout it. I felt like I wouldn't be able to eat, wouldn't be able to talk, feared what others would think about it, really did feel hopeless. I did tell people about this and they suggested I put it off a bit. I didn't..I KNEW I had to have it done, there was no way to avoid it, those thoughts certainly led me to the the bad thoughts I was having too. I knew that it wasn't gonna go away tho, putting it off wasn't gonna help, wasn't the answer for me; it just would delay the inevitable, my thoughts would have persisted and lasted longer; no, I knew I had to face it. It was rough but has gotten better.

Money. It's a huge worry as of now. I work (and always have) a min wage job and there's just no way a person, well not me at least, can support themselves on a min wage job (say unless you're working like 60+ hrs a week and I'd never do that, rather be homeless, broke). My savings which I had been mostly living on the past few yrs is mostly gone and ya, may be broke in a few months..money issues def helped contribute to bad thoughts I went through.

The Beautiful: In general, I feel so much better about myself now. I remember, around February, looking in the mirror one day, and actually liking the image and the person I saw staring back at me. That had never happened before that moment, and it felt great! Now idk if I really look like a girl or not but I look so much better than I used to. I look in the mirror quite a bit now and like, I can't stop smiling..ok so I'm totally vain now but still, it just makes me feel so good. Looking at old pics of me as a dude, it kinda makes me laugh, really kinda doesn't feel like me, can't believe I used to look like that, couldn't ever imagine going back to that.

People who knew me from before and who haven't seen me in awhile or heard about me not recognizing me!

I feel like I'm pretty different than I was before. I feel like I am much more social now. I def try to go out or see people more than I used to. I def feel like I am much more open too and in turn, others seem to be pretty open about things to me too.

Money woes aside, things have been going really good for me. After the holidays I wanna start searching for a new, better job, and go fulltime (well, 99.9% time, always gotta leave open possibilities!) Planning on starting name change process too, hopefully this week if not too lazy. Looking back on it now, it's been a really good year.

Hi All

The Good
This year I have came a long way In my journey as I have been on HRT for over a year and a half now and feel so wonderful. I had a very exciting summer fling my seaplane around and meeting lots of new people. I have joined here on Susan's place that has been wonderful and met many new and Sweet people her. I was Very Lucky to have my insurance company Pay in full for my SRS surgery with Doctor Marci L Bowers on October 20th 2015. My Biggest thing is that some of my family members that would not talk to me are now making and attempt to reach out to me. My Mom now call's me by my name and also introduces me to her friends as Her Daughter Lyndsey. I just feel so complete with my self and body now and I'm a very happy women.

The Bad & Ugly
My youngest Daughter will not talk to me or even say that I exist. My two bothers will not call me or acknowledge me in anyway. I have been try to sell my home in Haverhill and My real estate broker screwed me over on a sale. so I still own the house and can not afford 2 house's like I have. I retired from my Job and want to do some thing else and get told that I'm over qualified. I have had some discrimination form My local Police department saying bad things about me in public. for what I have done by transitioning. Feeling very depressed at time from Ugly health issues in which are private. Being so broke from owning two house's.

The Beautiful
Being able to look in the mirror and seeing a women and not a man.I think that the mirror was broken for years and it got fix when I transitioned. For my other 2 children being so excepting of me and so helpful in every way. For my six grandchildren that i love and they Love me unconditionally. To be living as my true self for the first full year of being complete in my own mind. To be treated like a lady. To have found what I'm hoping will be a true love in my life. Just to be alive is the best.

I Know that 2016 will be a good year as I have a lot planed and this will be a life changing year

Hug's
Lyndsey