Our older kids have no problem with this. It's our youngest (7) that doesn't seem to want to accept this at all.

She doesn't have a problem with me wearing nail polish on my fingers or toes. She doesn't have a problem with me wearing makeup or feminine clothing. What she has a problem with is addressing me as a woman. Any attempts to correct her result in "you're a boy", "you're a man", etc. It's getting to a point where it's too dangerous to present as a woman in public when she's around. I don't know what to do. I need to do this transition, but she's making it impossible. I don't want to end up resenting my own kid because of this.

I don't have a great idea but have you tried the boy on the outside and girl on the inside argument? It also sometimes takes longer for young kids to get it. My roommate grandson would call her Donna when nobody else was around and then use grandpa when somebody was within ear shot. After time passed, it became Donna all the time but it wasn't easy. You might also try training by offering her  a bribe that she doesn't receive if she uses the wrong name.

They sound like good ideas to me. I'll give them a shot.

 You could try reading the book "I am Jazz" with her.

Have you tried seeking help from a therapist. I've never been married or had children so I may not know what to do  The thing is the child is seeing objective truth, It seems to be a very sensitive issue and I'd be very careful with your approach. The child is seeing what she sees and there is nothing wrong with her interpretation. Also, your statement is very troubling and I would encourage seeking professional help. ("I don't want to end up resenting my own kid because of this.") Please understand I mean no harm it's just my opinion.

I'll check out the book and have discussed this with the therapist, but my next appointment isn't for another couple weeks so I thought I'd bring it up here. I also remember responding to this a couple days ago, so I was shocked to see that I didn't today!

Quote from: Emileeeee on November 07, 2015, 03:41:44 PM
I'll check out the book and have discussed this with the therapist, but my next appointment isn't for another couple weeks so I thought I'd bring it up here. I also remember responding to this a couple days ago, so I was shocked to see that I didn't today!

You did and I saw it but the server crashed took out a bunch of post including yours.

I kind of see her thinking that you are playing some dress-up or pretend game. Then when you try to be "serious" about it, she responds with seriously back since you are totally rocking her world.

You know, sort of like SO's that are supportive to a point.

If she's saying "you're a boy", why not ask her "what makes me a boy?". 

You can always ask her what she wants to be when she grows up. Then after she answers, you can say that when you were little, you wanted to grow up to be a girl. So no reason she can't be what she wants to be and you are what you wanted to be.

Love,
Clare

This is still in work. We've tried the explanations about why I'm changing and we get that it's impossible, you can't do that, etc. I wonder if her father is feeding her this stuff because she's so adamant about it, and I don't see any other place she could be getting it from. We don't have tv and we don't let her use the Internet unsupervised either.

My son who was the youngest and only a wee tot when I transitioned continued to call me 'Daddy' for a while which caused one or two embarrassing moments, but eventually started to call me 'Anne' instead.  I found that it was a case of being patient and maintaining a sense of humor about the situation.

At this point I suggest you turn the tables. You know how kids will sometimes reply to any answer you give them with another why and you end up explaining how the world was created just to answer a simple question? When she says you can't be a girl, reply with why until you get to the bottom of this. If there is another parent, that could be the problem or it could be she just hasn't though it out yet. Do not assume what she thinks when she says something is the same as what you understand. Kids are very interesting but they don't think the same way adults do.

That sounds like a good idea, but it's scary. I don't know if I'm mentally prepared to define every word in the dictionary! I'll give it a shot though. Thanks.

Quote from: Emileeeee on December 05, 2015, 05:59:24 PM
That sounds like a good idea, but it's scary. I don't know if I'm mentally prepared to define every word in the dictionary! I'll give it a shot though. Thanks.

You don't have to. All you have to do is keep saying why and let her do the work. Don't let her turn the tables on you.

Quote from: Dena on December 05, 2015, 06:01:54 PM
You don't have to. All you have to do is keep saying why and let her do the work. Don't let her turn the tables on you.

Oh I got that backwards in my head somehow. I get it now. Use her own "whying" against her.

How have you told her that you are a woman? Is it just in passing, or in response to her? I would sit down and have a heart to heart with her. You have to play the long game though. Don't expect miracles.

Constant reinforcement seems to be working. It's just taking awhile. For instance all day today she called me by the correct name. Then the pizza delivery guy shows up at the door and she calls me my old name 3 times in a row. It seems to be when she gets excited that it slips. I just tell her that's not my name when she does it and that I won't answer to it.

7 is a tough age, if you get to them a bit younger there concepts of gender are still fuzzy. She is also generally too young to understand the more complex seperation between gender identity, gender and sexuality. Not that sexuality is really a thing to a 7 year old but at that age they usually realize that most parents are a mommy and a daddy and even things like a gay couple often challenge there views.

It may also be that her view of you is one way and your changing it which may concern her because she may be afraid that your relationship with her will change. This is not really age dependent. during my own transision i had a friend or two who when i came out and started living full time sorta freaked out because they where afraid that our friendship would be altered in some big way over it. Like if I am not one of the guys than how could they possible talk to me about things. Luckly with some time and repeated proof that I had not changed they got used to it and things are fine now.

So this may just be one of those things that takes some time.

Serena

It's funny you should say that. We got to the root of the problem last night and it struck us both as odd. She said she's afraid of being the kid with two moms and doesn't want her mom to be gay because it's creepy.

She has an older sibling that voiced a concern for the younger sibling being the kid with two moms. I'm pretty sure this whole thing has her influence. This wouldn't be the first time that the same older sibling provided her with extra information that caused us troubles down the line.

The gay being creepy also doesn't seem like something this younger one would say because my wife and I both have married gay friends that have been friends for longer than she's been alive, meaning she grew up with them.