I've identified as "probably trans, but let's not think about it" for around five or six years now. Recently, that feeling has got a lot stronger and more certain - and also weirder.

I am feeling the strongest kinship to MTF people in the trans umbrella (both trans people, and crossdressers and drag queens, and even amab gq/nb people - even though I know those are all very different phenomena)

Perhaps it's because most of my friends are trans women - I don't know any men - so they are my idols/heroes/big sisters/whatever. Or perhaps it's based in some ugly, transphobic ideas my brain is producing ("You are a man in a dress, therefore you are like MTF people"). Or maybe not wanting to be a transgender man, with all that entails, but rather wanting to be a cisgender man who crossdresses as a woman a lot. Or even topsy-turvey dysphoria - it would be better to be female, I think, than go to all the trouble of transitioning; if there was some way for me to "become female"...

I feel pretty lousy about this. It's a lot more complicated than straightforwardly feeling like a chap, and I'm especially worried about upsetting or disrespecting our trans sisters. (I'm v. uncomfortable about being fetishised as a cool, radical trans man - I just identify as an ordinary man - and I guess that many women feel the same way; however kindly meant, they would rather be seen as women than as brilliant trans women)

Anyone else been here?
Where do I go next?

I'm sorta hoping that as dysphoria is a weird phenomenon, other gents have passed through this phase, and can offer some advice for where to go next. I suppose my ultimate transition goal would be to be perceived as a very effeminate amab human, maybe like Sylvester? But transitioning in order to then be feminine seems...weirdly pointless.

I used to pretend that I was a woman on a secret mission pretending to be a man. It kind of helped up to a point.

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 30, 2015, 06:55:32 PM
I used to pretend that I was a woman on a secret mission pretending to be a man. It kind of helped up to a point.

I thought I was the only one that did that.  :-).


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It was seriously the only way I could maintain my sanity for a while.

Quote from: MichaelTolliverLives on December 29, 2015, 09:11:38 AM
But transitioning in order to then be feminine seems...weirdly pointless.

That's pretty much my biggest fear.  Transitioning, even if everyone is polite, when they know me from before seems pointless. 


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You have two options and maybe you should use both of them. A gender therapist could help you explore this part of you. If you want something quicker then go to youtube and request "the transition channel". These videos are done by a therapist and will ask you all the right questions to help you get a better feel of yourself.