Well here's the thing back in early November me and my boy were at the mall and they have a piano in the mall as some of you know I play a variety of different instruments the piano or keyboard is just one of them. I am a really shy guy so normally I do not like to sing or let alone play a piano in front of a lot of people but I did anyways, well I started playing Hotline bling by Drake, not only was I playing the piano but I was singing to because I made my own cover to it and well this girl walks up beautiful as ever lol and at first she was just watching then we started singing it together long story short I ended up getting her Facebook stuff and we have been close friends ever since so my question is it always nessicary, pretty sure I spelled that wrong but anyways is it nessciary to always tell your friends you are trans, I mean almost all my friends who know have forgotten about it literally and its like it becomes a waiste of trying to explain it because no one cares because I am just a guy lbvs. A lucky one at that, like everyone legit forgot because I am just Brandon and there is nothing female about me nor do I bring off that vibe so no one remebers the only reason I was debating on telling get was because she dated one of my cousins and I don't think he knows that I am in the process of this transition and I don't know if they talk a lot but I didn't want her to mention me to gave him slip up and leave her confused but like I said I get tired of explaing it because everyone forgets so its a waiste of time in my oppinion.

I think that if you are friends and not romantically involved that you don't need to tell her. You are Brandon. If and when you want to tell her for whatever reasons there might be then you will. Until then, enjoy your friendship.

It's tricky isn't it because why should you always feel like you have to disclose that your trans. Why can't people meet you and accept you as you are,without explanation. If your getting close as friends then it's natural you might want to share your information, she's confinding in you, maybe she'll be hurt if she finds out through a third party,who knows. You have to do what you thinks best..
I told my nearest n dearest of friends,I'll let the rest of the world find out in their own time..
If you want to tell her then sharing is caring but if not then meh,rain check it and don't feel bad

I don't see a need to.

Agree with Lex. If she's going to stay just a friend, there's no need to tell her. If you're planning to try to date her ever, you should be up front about it.

And keep in mind that anyone you don't tell may feel a little betrayed if they find out later on.

i wouldn't tell her. i don't tell my new friends i'm trans because there's honestly no point. we aren't gonna have sex, etc. if she found out from like say, my cousin in that situation, i'd be like "yeah, and?" because it honestly isn't something that SHOULD matter or SHOULD effect how she is your friend. i mean, i guess people do it because they don't want any surprises for their new friends like someone slipping up, etc. and they feel it's an intimate detail they share about themselves when their friend shares details about themselves but i'm like eh, it's whatever. i've had surgery, name change, hormones, etc. i'm just a regular guy and unless you're a doctor or i'm sleeping with you, there's no reason you need to know. if they found out from a third party, oh well. i wasn't hiding it, i just didn't care to tell them. if they were hurt feeling like i couldn't or they weren't important enough or whatever, i'd just explain that it isn't something i broadcast because i wana just live my life and unless we are gonna sleep together, it's no ones business imo and i'd be sorry that they felt hurt, but it is my choice to disclose things, just like it is their choice to disclose things.

I don't think that you do. My boyfriend tells very few people that he is transgender. He did tell one of his friends and she kept it to herself...for a while...because she had very poor taste regarding privacy and other such matters. My boyfriend's friends told him that they're sorry they heard about it that way and that they wouldn't have known otherwise, and they haven't brought it up in conversation. Only one was ignorant and thought he deserved to know upfront.

From my view I don't see why others need to know unless you want them to.

I don't see why you should tell her. You don't have any obligation to do so. For me, me being trans is part of medical history and last time I checked that stuff isn't everybody's business, friend or no.

The only reason any of my friends know is because they knew me before I came out. But I don't plan on disclosing the information to any one knew I met and I don't think it really matters. You aren't obligated to share anything with your friends in general unless it affects them personally or you're in danger. Which this is neither.

Quote from: FTMax on December 27, 2015, 05:23:56 PM
Agree with Lex. If she's going to stay just a friend, there's no need to tell her. If you're planning to try to date her ever, you should be up front about it.

And keep in mind that anyone you don't tell may feel a little betrayed if they find out later on.

Nah bro I talk to a girl already, me and her just friends lol

Quote from: j.d79 on December 27, 2015, 03:42:09 PM
It's tricky isn't it because why should you always feel like you have to disclose that your trans. Why can't people meet you and accept you as you are,without explanation. If your getting close as friends then it's natural you might want to share your information, she's confinding in you, maybe she'll be hurt if she finds out through a third party,who knows. You have to do what you thinks best..
I told my nearest n dearest of friends,I'll let the rest of the world find out in their own time..
If you want to tell her then sharing is caring but if not then meh,rain check it and don't feel bad

Well like I said to another guy I talk to a girl already but me and the girl I met are close friends

I have mixed feelings on this topic. On one hand, living as stealth keeps one safe from possible cases of betrayal and discrimination due to the fact that society still needs to come around and overcome fears and prejudice against our community.  On the other hand, being open gives us the opportunity to enlighten and educate others about who we are to possibly bring those who might have such negative impressions about us to overcome it and accept us.  I realize coming out puts the person at huge risks so, it isn't for everyone.  We all must give this serious thought before coming out to anyone, especially to those people we hardly know.  So, I really don't have an opinion either way because I am torn on this topic.  A lot depends on the person's own situation. 

I'm old enough to remember how life was decades ago before there was much visibility for gays, lesbians and bisexuals.  Those brave souls who came out before it became easier and even fashionable to do so, risked a lot, but they helped the community in the long run.  Not everyone could come out for the same reasons we in the trans community face today.  It's hard for all of us. 

Just know that once you're out to anyone, there's no going back.  Please be careful when deciding to come out or not.   

Miles

You aren't obligated to tell anyone your trans status.  I don't tell my friends.  That's my personal medical history and not something they need to know because it has no impact on our friendships. 

*

invisiblemonsters:  I tend to agree with you.

My dilemma is much the same as discussed here.

Perhaps one could describe me as openly stealth - it is there for public knowledge at my web-site because what I am is what I am, I do not wave a flag or wear a lapel emblem, and I acknowledge it as a matter of fact if the topic comes my way.  Generally, I leave the intimate details as my medical privacy with my medical team and otherwise no one's need to know.

I have straight friends who comment they are otherwise friendly toward LGB and T; unfortuneately, I learned some speak support, but their opinions change when the subject becomes personal.  Because of that, I feel it is wiser to hold my tongue.

Likewise, I have had Lesbian friends in the past whom I never told - we were friends, not partners.  I have a current Lesbian friend whom I frequently consider telling because I want to share non-transsexual information with her that I post to my web-site; then again I remind myself that we are friends, not partners, and I'll need to inform her using other ways and not refer to my site.

*

Quote from: Sharon Anne McC on December 30, 2015, 08:09:54 PM
*

invisiblemonsters:  I tend to agree with you.

My dilemma is much the same as discussed here.

Perhaps one could describe me as openly stealth - it is there for public knowledge at my web-site because what I am is what I am, I do not wave a flag or wear a lapel emblem, and I acknowledge it as a matter of fact if the topic comes my way.  Generally, I leave the intimate details as my medical privacy with my medical team and otherwise no one's need to know.

I have straight friends who comment they are otherwise friendly toward LGB and T; unfortuneately, I learned some speak support, but their opinions change when the subject becomes personal.  Because of that, I feel it is wiser to hold my tongue.

Likewise, I have had Lesbian friends in the past whom I never told - we were friends, not partners.  I have a current Lesbian friend whom I frequently consider telling because I want to share non-transsexual information with her that I post to my web-site; then again I remind myself that we are friends, not partners, and I'll need to inform her using other ways and not refer to my site.

*

i feel like when people know, especially when you pass, they get very invasive. i have friends who claim to be friendly towards LGBT like you, but i know it could change once it becomes personal. i'm also stealth for the reason that although my work is LGBT friendly (and have been awesome since the beginning aka before my name change), some people i work with don't tend to be. however, it COULD go the other way and them be completely supportive once they find out someone they know and respect is transgender even though before they were making some colorful remarks regarding people who are trans.

i think some things you play by ear. honestly, i just have no desire to tell people no matter how close i am to them. i've been friends with people for 10+ years and they don't know. thankfully the newer generation (Brandon's generation) are growing up with a strong LGBT movement so if he wanted to tell, i'm sure she wouldn't be completely like caught off guard and i can see why people would want to tell someone in fear of them finding out/being violent/losing a friendship/the person feeling like they're being "deceived" (ugh). i managed to get through hormones and surgery while living stealth and no one thought anything of it. i'm in my 20s so when my voice dropped due to T over a summer break when i went back to school, people just thought my voice finally dropped because of puberty and that i was a late bloomer or something. so now i'm basically done my transition and still 100% stealth and not telling anyone who doesn't 100% need to know.

in all honestly, there's no right or wrong answer. it's just how you want to live your life but being stealth isn't something to be ashamed of, neither is being out. it's how you want to live your life, etc. and don't let anyone shame you for whatever way you decide to go.

Quote from: Going4Miles on December 30, 2015, 04:18:35 PM
I have mixed feelings on this topic. On one hand, living as stealth keeps one safe from possible cases of betrayal and discrimination due to the fact that society still needs to come around and overcome fears and prejudice against our community.  On the other hand, being open gives us the opportunity to enlighten and educate others about who we are to possibly bring those who might have such negative impressions about us to overcome it and accept us.  I realize coming out puts the person at huge risks so, it isn't for everyone.  We all must give this serious thought before coming out to anyone, especially to those people we hardly know.  So, I really don't have an opinion either way because I am torn on this topic.  A lot depends on the person's own situation. 

I'm old enough to remember how life was decades ago before there was much visibility for gays, lesbians and bisexuals.  Those brave souls who came out before it became easier and even fashionable to do so, risked a lot, but they helped the community in the long run.  Not everyone could come out for the same reasons we in the trans community face today.  It's hard for all of us. 

Just know that once you're out to anyone, there's no going back.  Please be careful when deciding to come out or not.   

Miles

I have already came out to multiple people but they are accepting its just they have forgotten I am even trans and its nice because I am just a guy but if people just gone forget then what's the point?  And I always tell whoever I am involved with romantically and she already knows but I am speaking about just friends

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on December 30, 2015, 05:09:09 PM
You aren't obligated to tell anyone your trans status.  I don't tell my friends.  That's my personal medical history and not something they need to know because it has no impact on our friendships.

See that's how I feel about the whole thing

Quote from: invisiblemonsters on December 30, 2015, 09:49:50 PM
i feel like when people know, especially when you pass, they get very invasive. i have friends who claim to be friendly towards LGBT like you, but i know it could change once it becomes personal. i'm also stealth for the reason that although my work is LGBT friendly (and have been awesome since the beginning aka before my name change), some people i work with don't tend to be. however, it COULD go the other way and them be completely supportive once they find out someone they know and respect is transgender even though before they were making some colorful remarks regarding people who are trans.

i think some things you play by ear. honestly, i just have no desire to tell people no matter how close i am to them. i've been friends with people for 10+ years and they don't know. thankfully the newer generation (Brandon's generation) are growing up with a strong LGBT movement so if he wanted to tell, i'm sure she wouldn't be completely like caught off guard and i can see why people would want to tell someone in fear of them finding out/being violent/losing a friendship/the person feeling like they're being "deceived" (ugh). i managed to get through hormones and surgery while living stealth and no one thought anything of it. i'm in my 20s so when my voice dropped due to T over a summer break when i went back to school, people just thought my voice finally dropped because of puberty and that i was a late bloomer or something. so now i'm basically done my transition and still 100% stealth and not telling anyone who doesn't 100% need to know.

in all honestly, there's no right or wrong answer. it's just how you want to live your life but being stealth isn't something to be ashamed of, neither is being out. it's how you want to live your life, etc. and don't let anyone shame you for whatever way you decide to go.

What do you mean by Invasive?

If you pass, there's no need to tell people unless they literally have business looking at your junk.  Your girl, your doctor, that's it.

I don't even remotely pass, so I feel a need to tell people just so they know why I'm dressed up.

Quote from: Brandon on December 30, 2015, 10:08:02 PM


What do you mean by Invasive?

they ask questions they probably shouldn't ask, or they give back-handed compliments. say you pass, and someone didn't know, they could very well be like, "oh..i wouldn't have ever known! does that mean you've had 'the surgery'?" and you're just like uhhh what? so you see what i mean?