(Question 1: Romance ) Over the years, I've learned to pass. But the journey left me with a lot of scars. That make maintaining and sprouting relationships hard. One of my biggest fears atm is that I'll be alone all my life. I  do get hit on quite a bit. But what I can't figure out is filtering out fetish lovers, the people who genuinely care, and the ones wouldn't mind putting a hole through my face if they found out?

(Question 2: hormones) I have real hard time dealing with hormone mood swing as well. I just got back spironolactone after at least three months of both losing it, and my employment.But when the mood swings happen. I become immune to my better judgment or throw myself in increasingly deep depressions. I grow almost violent if people press issues I explain need to stop or cut too deeply.It frightens me how angry I get.I'm planning on my making finding a new therapist my next priority and antidepressant will resume after. But does have any mental exercises they do during these situations?


(Question 3: Friends) I really like the friends I have. But I'm becoming tired of being treated differently than the rest of the group. They've never confirmed a thing, But I can tell it's because I'm trans. I do love them. But I can't shake the feeling of maybe I might need new friends? They've always been very excepting, but some slip gender pronouns at times or get uncomfortable trying to give me compliments. I wouldn't mind, but I've been both this far into my transition since 2013 some of them are better than others. But the biggest problem is I don't know how to make new ones.

When I do. They instantly assume I'm a cis-woman which is exactly what I want them to think.But sooner or later they meet someone who knows someone that knew me before my transition meets them. Spills the beans and everything grows awkward.I'd love to be straight forward, but people have abused that information and used it to hurt me in the past. I'm afraid of it affecting my employment to because it has in the past.  Advice please?


(I need advice on of these area's, please. I know I wrote quite a bit so feel free to just choose one question if you have to. Thank you.)

Romance is a real minefield...and that's without being trans. As the saying goes "there are plenty of fish in the sea", problem is a lot of them are really nasty and it can be hard to pick them apart from the keepers. My suggestion is to take it slowly, don't be pressured into anything you don't want and always stay safe.

I can't answer you about the hormones, I've had the exact opposite response. I'm a lot calmer now than ever. If it is concerning you then you should talk to your doctor or endocrinologist. Chances are it's not 100% the hormones, but also a need to learn some coping mechanisms so speak to a counsellor or therapist too.

Pre transition carry over friends can be a great asset but also pains in the butt. I suggest you have a very serious talk to them about their mis gendering of you and especially their outing of you to other people, that is really not cool. Unless they're totally toxic and unreasonable I'd advise expanding your circle rather than dumping one lot to replace with another. Cutting ties can really backfire on you. Take it from this A Grade idiot who has burnt a few too many bridges than she cares to admit.

Quote from: an0npr0xi01 on December 05, 2015, 09:28:11 PM
(Question 1: Romance ) Over the years, I've learned to pass. But the journey left me with a lot of scars. That make maintaining and sprouting relationships hard. One of my biggest fears atm is that I'll be alone all my life. I  do get hit on quite a bit. But what I can't figure out is filtering out fetish lovers, the people who genuinely care, and the ones wouldn't mind putting a hole through my face if they found out?

Try to meet people you like, you have a warm feeling with.
People you have a feeling you can click with, and which are nice.
Usually if they are a nice and maybe a bit sensible person they can accept.

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(Question 2: hormones) I have real hard time dealing with hormone mood swing as well. I just got back spironolactone after at least three months of both losing it, and my employment.But when the mood swings happen. I become immune to my better judgment or throw myself in increasingly deep depressions. I grow almost violent if people press issues I explain need to stop or cut too deeply.It frightens me how angry I get.I'm planning on my making finding a new therapist my next priority and antidepressant will resume after. But does have any mental exercises they do during these situations?

There are a few things that can be done.
hormonal:
-many people take micronized estrogen sublingual. It helps lessen the strain on the liver and is supposed to be causing less clotting factors. But it can make for a peak in levels. Spreading the daily dose in for example four smaller doses instead of two big ones can help with more steady levels, which might help with mood. Otherwise it could be a menopausal like effect twice a day, with rising and dropping levels.
-another strategy could be additionally to pills one estrogen skin patch for a steady level
-with injections weekly or five days application instead of biweekly or every ten days also makes for more steady levels.

You could additionally try to avoid getting into strong emotions, not feeding them. A more laid back attitude. The right hormone level could help here, many people go for a level of 200 pg/ml of estrogen or above. So above menopausal levels.

generally taking things more easy, and solving them instead of getting into a mood.

You might take up meditation and regularly take a break, like having a cup of tea, and relaxing for a few minutes, a few times a day. Also not too many activities, and not too aggressive music.

Here from page two on are a few hints :
http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf

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(Question 3: Friends) I really like the friends I have. But I'm becoming tired of being treated differently than the rest of the group. They've never confirmed a thing, But I can tell it's because I'm trans. I do love them. But I can't shake the feeling of maybe I might need new friends? They've always been very excepting, but some slip gender pronouns at times or get uncomfortable trying to give me compliments. I wouldn't mind, but I've been both this far into my transition since 2013 some of them are better than others. But the biggest problem is I don't know how to make new ones.

When I do. They instantly assume I'm a cis-woman which is exactly what I want them to think.But sooner or later they meet someone who knows someone that knew me before my transition meets them. Spills the beans and everything grows awkward.I'd love to be straight forward, but people have abused that information and used it to hurt me in the past. I'm afraid of it affecting my employment to because it has in the past.  Advice please?

this is from a blog:

"Why am I being a bitch about this?  Well, let me clarify that I am not going to be "kicking out" any friends who know I'm trans.  I can't ignore the fact that my family, my work, and my school probably all know, or at least the rumor is floating around.  However, I'm not going to tolerate anyone who feels its their right to share that about me.  I will shy away from spending time with people who spread it.  I don't want to live my life as a trans woman.  I want to live my life.  I want to be happy.  That's why I transitioned in the first place.  Therefore, I don't want the fact that I'm a woman, or that I'm trans, or that I'm white, or atheist, or pansexual to flavor someone's impression of me.  I want their impression of me to be based on who I am as a person; on what my personality is like; on how I treat people; on my energy level.  I want to be friends with people because we click, not because we both used to be a different gender."

-you might tell people that it is your part to tell you are transgender. Its nobyody elses business.
So an attitude of not flaunting it but not hiding in case either could help.

And not making a big deal out of it, so people are more likely to do so too.
Also saying that people do not need to be walking on eggshells because of it... if they do not mean harm intentionally...
and that transgender people are people too, with normal needs and cravings.


*hugs*

 I had a difficult time with my emotions several times when presses by someone who was pushing me on purpose (he admitted that to me). The person is my boss which made matters worse. When I went to injections the lows were too low for me. I spoke to my doctor and decreased the injection interval. That made the world of a difference.

I am speak to a Buddhist occasionally about things that bother me a lot. One topic is how others think of me and another about looking for approval from other people by looking at their faces as I pass by or have an exchange. The conversations have helped me immensely.

Tenure filters out the people who genuinely care from the ones who don't, in my experience.

I never went ahead with a relationship in which I wasn't pretty much assured I could trust the person and they wanted me for my character and not just a quick fling. I was able to gauge that because I knew them already, worked with them, and was friends with them, or even lived with them for long enough before getting involved. I already knew them enough to know if they were someone I'd wanna be with.

I'm not a very spontaneous dater, no. But then I find it hard doing any of that and being trans.

  I'm not sure about your firs two questions but as for your friends I recently found out that my oldest grand child is ftm and find myself on the other side of the pronoun issue as well and avoiding misgendering someone you have known for many years is a lot harder than it seams but most try this insight helps take the sting out of peoples slip ups for me

   bobbisue

Quote from: Rachel Lynn on January 01, 2016, 09:46:33 AM
I had a difficult time with my emotions several times when presses by someone who was pushing me on purpose (he admitted that to me). The person is my boss which made matters worse. When I went to injections the lows were too low for me. I spoke to my doctor and decreased the injection interval. That made the world of a difference.

I am speak to a Buddhist occasionally about things that bother me a lot. One topic is how others think of me and another about looking for approval from other people by looking at their faces as I pass by or have an exchange. The conversations have helped me immensely.

I really hope your safe .  If your boss is pressing your buttons intentionally it could be workplace harassment.

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