Update: its been a month and no job yet. But there is a very promising prospect. It will take maybe a month for background check and response. I'm not sure why this always happens. I feel like it could be depression. But i feel like it should have been brought up during the therapy sessions. We were able to scrounge up funds for another session and i hope they will talk about this.

 the plan is for my sponse to save for a year while starting hormones then take out a loan for the rest to use for the surgery. I dont think a year is enough time to save. I want to bring up the point that i had to save over 3 years to put the down payment on our house. Buying the house was one my biggest accomplishment. I had the dedication and discipline to accomplish this. but i feel like this is not a fair comparison. I feel like this is something they need and asking them to wait because of my fear of his irresponsible money management that could cause us both financial problems could do more harm then good.

A friend mentioned that if i'm worried about the effects of my spouse defaulting in their loan than i should consider seperating the one thing we own together, the house. They told me i should refinance with only my name on the mortgage. That way if worse comes to worse the bank wont be able to take our home to cover the loan. It's an extreme senario but also makes sense. I've already brought it up to my spouse saying if anything were to  happen there is no connection. They seemed okay with it. But i dont want to go to this extreme. Everything would be so much simpler if they would get more serious about thier finances.

 Is it wrong to have my spouse consider taking more time? How long did it take your spouse to transition from hormones to surgery?

Hi,

I'm not familiar with the exact situation so forgive me if I have missed something.  Which surgeryare you talking about?

It takes a year on HRT to really be eligible for surgery....

If your spouse is female to male, there is top surgery, histo and the final.  If your spouse is male to female, there is probably some facial surgery or a tracheal shave, a possible breast augmentation and then the penal inversion.  Either way, it's a long and expensive trek.  If your spouce can't hold a job, the necessary recommendations from a psych will be hard to come by.

I don't know about taking their name off the home loan.  But transition isn't easy.  They need to get strong and fast.

Hugs,

Jen

Sorry i didnt mention it in this post. This is a mtf situation

This can get complicated. You may not qualify for the loan by yourself and you live in a community property state, both own the home even if it's only in one persons name. It may be your spouse can't qualify for a loan without equity to back up the loan. I was on hormones for about 5 years and I cross lived about 2 1/2 years. The cross living time was because I lost my job and needed to rebuild my savings before I could afford surgery.

I would suggest you spend a few dollars on a lawyer and find out what your legal right are because what you suggest could cause some serious problems if things go wrong and could leave you homeless.

Does your spouse work?  Do you have health insurance?  If so, what does the policy say about treatment and surgery for transition?  Can you get health insurance that covers transition?  Do you have equity in your home? 

There are companies that lend to individuals.  They can help if credit is good.  I used Prosper for some shot term stuff.  Better terms than my bank.

Jen

Late to the party, but I understand personally how stressful it is to financially support both your partner and yourself (been doing it a few years now), and have made it clear to my pre-transition GF that I can't fund my bills, her bills, and a transition all on MY income alone,   Sit your partner down, and tell them that constantly quitting jobs the way she has been doing is irresponsible and unfair on both of you.  I have told my girlfriend that I don't care if she likes the job, she needs to apply for whatever she is physically capable of doing, including ->-bleeped-<-ty call center work.  (That's what's paying our bills currently, and if I have to put up with that job to pay the bills, then so can she, dammit.)