I have this question running around in my head for ages now. I had not recognised my own reaction to being called Mr and Sir...which doesn't happen often these days but enough to irritate me. I have this internal flinch each time someone does it to me.

I have to be reasonable about this as I am presenting Male/Androgynous in public so cannot get bent out of shape over people who gender me in public based on my presentation. But what about those you are out to? When did you draw a line in the sand and say after this point I want to be addressed correctly with correct pronouns and name?

Elizabeth K

I didn't expect female pronouns if I was not presenting as female. I had one friend offer to start using them when I came out to him some two months before full transition, I said thanks but I'd rather he didn't if I was presenting as male - that was just a personal thing, it felt a weird to be called she if I felt I looked like a dude but that's obviously going to be different for other people.

Once I changed my presentation and came out at work, that was the tipping point. Prior to my transition at work, I was insisting on it with my friends and family,  but only after I was comfortable presenting as a my true self. I was also being gendered as female to strangers around the same time, so once that started to happen, the desire for the correct pronouns became more important.

Once I was presenting full time I insisted on the correct pronouns. Before that it just didn't feel right when presenting male for me. It's just a personal thing. Hugs
Mariah

Hi All
once I came out to all and started full time i would not have it any other way. If someone said the wrong think I would not pay attention to them till they got it right. It didn't take long.

Lyndsey

*

My expectations with family were pointless.

My father never accepted my change and never addressed me as Sharon / female pronouns.  I understood his perspective; I did not force it.

On the other hand, other immediate and extended family did / do use Sharon / female pronouns but do so in derision.

People in my post- life do not know my past (other than the obvious medical, those in my trans groups, etc.,) so they all address me correctly.

'Insisting' has not been an issue.

*

Quote from: ElizabethK on January 02, 2016, 04:18:42 PM
I want to be addressed correctly with correct pronouns and name?

I had a definite date I went "full time", June 13, 2013. On that date, I stopped wearing male clothes, and started wearing female clothes exclusively. I came out to everyone in my life via facebook and email and requested that people begin calling me Suzi and use female pronouns for me.

I got SRS almost exactly a year later, which had been a possibility I wanted to leave open. So I wanted a clear beginning point to being full time.

Quote from: suzifrommd on January 02, 2016, 05:57:37 PM
I had a definite date I went "full time", June 13, 2013. On that date, I stopped wearing male clothes, and started wearing female clothes exclusively. I came out to everyone in my life via <not allowed> and email and requested that people begin calling me Suzi and use female pronouns for me.

I got SRS almost exactly a year later, which had been a possibility I wanted to leave open. So I wanted a clear beginning point to being full time.

Hi Suzi

I like you did the same thing. I told everyone and if they spoke wrong to me I ignored them till they got it right. I think that my mom was the hardest for me and I do know that it was very hard on her so I sat down and talked to her one day and took her out to dinner and explained why it was so important to me. It is kind of funny because after I talked to her that day she has never spoke my old name or said he again it has always been my daughter or my oldest girl or Lyndsey from that day forward. God I love my mom.

Hug's
Lyndsey

I asked my family to do so once I started full time. It didn't happen. It took them years and some still can't manage a correct pronoun after all these years. Their religion serves as their excuse.

I have never cared how people address me in my present androgenous look. Yet, I am amazed at the younger generation of nephews and nieces who already call me Auntie.

After my surgery changes I doubt if I will be misgendered. Also in Thailand there is no gender in the pronoun as both male and female are referred as Khun. Makes it all so much easier....

From my manager, I have a right to yell and or be a bit mean in correcting my co workers in the use of proper pronouns, though I tend to not do that unless they go way too far in keeping to insisting that I am not who I am. Like pfft really, they all should know by now since its been like 6 months now that I would be doing so. I mean the customers I dont mind as much as they more often then not dont realize, since my look can tend to be more masculine, based on since I cannot grow my hair due to military, and all sorts of everything.

Kate <3

Quote from: Katiepie on January 02, 2016, 08:21:21 PM
From my manager, I have a right to yell and or be a bit mean in correcting my co workers in the use of proper pronouns, though I tend to not do that unless they go way too far in keeping to insisting that I am not who I am. Like pfft really, they all should know by now since its been like 6 months now that I would be doing so. I mean the customers I dont mind as much as they more often then not dont realize, since my look can tend to be more masculine, based on since I cannot grow my hair due to military, and all sorts of everything.

Kate <3

Hi Katiepie

You go girl we have to stand up and be proud as this was so much stress to get were we are.

Lyndsey

I haven't gotten to this stage yet, but I am thinking that I wont bother insisting, enforcing, or correcting people on it.  I'll let them know that my preference is my feminine name and pronouns, but if there is a family member or friend who rejects the change... I totally understand.  The reason is because I made it to my mid-20's knowing that I was transgender, and I was rejecting it as much as I could my entire life... If it took me that long to accept it, then I don't feel like it would be reasonable to expect others to do it so soon, and people are still learning a lot about this struggle.

It doesn't make me uncomfortable if people misidentify me...  I don't feel deprived or discriminated against if someone wants to or accidentally uses the incorrect pronoun or name.  I am transitioning for myself, and it's nobody's business as to what is hiding under my clothing unless we plan to have a sexual relationship.

Once I started consistently presenting as female. Now I don't even have to.

When I went full time. I gave people at work bit of leeway for a month or so, then got insistent, to a point where I publicly humiliated one guy who wasn't trying and gave a heartfelt talk to another guy (who I like) about the pain it gave me to be so insulted. Both changed their ways.

I told my wife she could use any pronoun or name she wished, she very rarely slips up with my name or gender and gets very offended if others do. She did ask if she could introduce me as her partner rather than as her husband. I was fine with that.

I feel it is a bit of an ask for people to use gender specific pronouns if you are not presenting as that gender. It may be OK for close friends but very difficult otherwise.

JMO

hmm I am a coward and never really have. I have asked though.

when I first came out to some people I had one or two friends ask if they should use female pronouns and one new friend who is trans themselves ask the same. I told them that once I was presenting female yes but till then if they could just avoid using my name or use Serena and avoid gendered pronouns that would be great.

That didn't last long given how quickly I went from out to full time but still it helped. Once I was living full time some friends, coworkers and family asked and I asked to be gendered female but I have never corrected anyone. There have been slips and they hurt so much more now than before but I am still uncomfortable correcting them.

I do have a passive resistance thing going on where I refuse to acknowledge that someone is talking to me if they use the old name or male pronouns but other than that I cant bring myself to actually correct them. Though I have a few friends who I love that have done it for me. I suspect in time the misgendering will fade more and more till its only the outside mistake by someone rather than a more regular thing. In fact tonight a guy at the store I work at who has previously avoided all gender pronouns around me said to his friend "she is getting my stuff I will be right there" so yay

Serena

I Insisted on it as soon as I went full time.

Lyndsey

I'm pre-everything.
Well, I did come out to my best friend by saying I'd like to be called with male pronouns. But she knows more or less my transgender story and was around me when I did "crossdress" (defining myself as transgender) or insisted on playing male characters and throwing a fit when I was denied that.

To those I came out, I ask for them to use male pronouns (even if I look like a girl). And I'm quite unhappy when I get female pronouns.

I don't mind being called a woman by those who don't know, but it changed just lately, when I realised that instead of the transgender, I'd prefer to be male (I think). Before I was getting really irritated with that, every time I heard it.

For the most part, people who knew me didn't have to be told. Once I came out it just made sense that Lisa = She/Her. The property manager for example starting addressing notices to "Ms. Lisa..." (after I notified her of my name change) without having to be asked.

My parents on the other hand...I have found that my dad will gender/name me correctly when talking to someone who didn't know me previous to transitioning, but will use my old name and wrong gender when talking to someone who knew me pre-transition, even when I'm standing there wearing a dress or skirt.

Hi Girls and Guys

I started right from the beginning when i went full time

Lynn