Ill be honest. What I went through last night made me think of driving my truck into a tree. it  was so much losing my family and club to just to be happy. im still trying to figure out why i have to go through so much pain and hurt other people just to be happy.

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The point at which other people become unbearable just because they cannot concede to you doing what is necessary to be happy is the point at which they are no longer a benefit in your life, and less of a loss if they are just going to be awful to you. Ya know? I wouldn't keep someone around if they were going to be horrible to me for no good reason. And being horrible to me for being trans is no good reason.

The good news is there's plenty of nice people out there you can go find, who won't treat you like crap for being trans.

Hi crazycool86

Driving into a tree is going to hurt like hell if you don't die instantly.I understand your hurt I am in the same dilemma I lost my wife and I hurt other people just to be happy.It is not you that is really hurting them it is their lack of understanding and their pride that is hurting them. As for a wife and kids it is difficult as sexual identity is also present and all of a sudden she must be a lesbeen if you transition and be seen as one if she is not secretly in the closet herself being forced out by you.

Quote from: crazycool86 on January 04, 2016, 08:09:20 AM
im still trying to figure out why i have to go through so much pain and hurt other people just to be happy.

But if you are not happy with yourself how much of yourself are you going to be able to give to them? Sometimes the world will force you in this direction to fix yourself and it hurts like hell but it will drag you there kicking and screaming if it has too.

Figuring it out is sometimes not possible it is accepting that you are who you are. You don't have to transition there is no set rules. You just have to accept your feelings and thoughts first understand them recognise them accept that you are having them but do not let them rule your life! Find yourself and who you are then you can make a calculated decision of what you want to do and how far you want to go.

Now is the time to find a therapist if you haven't got one. Stay safe don't do something stupid talk to us on the forum we are here to help.

Hugs - Amoray

Thanks amore. I really appreciate the pep talk made alot of sense. im supposed to speak to my therapist on wed. feels like i need to be speaking to her now

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I'm losing my fam too, not for gender identity reasons, but for leaving the Mormon Church.  I don't have a magic solution for you.  Know, however, that you're not alone.  Hugs!!