I have spent the last 13 years suffering from severe social anxiety disorder, in that time I have learned a lot from my own experiences as well as countless studies and publications I have read over the years. One of the things that I read time and time again, is that a hi IQ with low emotional IQ is a predisposition for social anxiety disorder and that someone who is very analytical with these traits is likely to develop social anxiety disorder with the right set of life circumstances.

The purpose of this post isn't really about me. but more so the subject of people who suffer from anxiety and/or depression and/or suicidal thoughts and/or transsexualism. As an analytical person I have put a lot of thought into why it is so hard for people to reach out to friends or family for whichever condition they are in need of help for.

I can tell you from my own experiences with social anxiety alone, that the majority of mental health professionals with the exception of a handful of them really have no idea what they are talking about and many who release publications are full of themselves. I am not saying this is always the case, I have learned a great deal from many good publications but there are so many that leave me rolling my eyes wishing that DR gets social anxiety disorder because in my opinion those types of DRs are part of the problem, they cannot treat what they themselves do not understand.

I can tell you and there are many professionals I agree with that say social anxiety cannot be treated with a pill for it is only a bandaid which side effects are far worse than the original problem. But most professionals want to do what they have learned from texts without fully understanding the consequences of doing so. So they break out the pad and say let's try this one, how about this one, after all it is called "practicing medicine".

This behavior is not limited to mental health but also falls into our failed medical system as well, for example I have encountered DRs who have prescribed me medications with bad side effects because of a diagnosis of reverse arthritis in my wrists. Only to later being treated like I was crazy by another DR for taking this medication because as they told me "there is no such thing as reverse arthritis". Or when my body stopped producing testosterone at age 28, the DR started me on testosterone therapy only to later take me off when they could not figure out the reason for my body to be low in T and high in prolactin. When she took me off her justification was "the lab results say the only reason your body is not producing T is because you are obese". As she is looking at me standing there in great shape and a flat stomach. my response? This lady is a <Not Permitted> idiot and I never returned to see her.


Enough about that, let's talk about depression. I see all the time mental health professionals who are presented with a patient that is diagnosed with social anxiety disorder which want to break out their pad and write a prescription for a depression medication. The problem here and there are many professionals who do agree on this, that for someone suffering from social anxiety disorder, depression is just a symptom not the underlying problem. A depressive person does not want to get out of bed, they want to sleep the pain away. While a person with social anxiety disorder does have depressed moods now and then, each day they wake they are eager to jump out of bed and start the day. I don't care what illness you have, treating the symptoms is no different then taking cold medication when you have a cold, it doesn't make you better, it only helps you cope with it. But in the case of anti-depressants the long-term side effects and physical dependence is an extremely dangerous playground for treating a symptom. In fact there are many professionals who feel that medications such as anti-depressants and ADHD type medications should not be allowed to exist except for extreme cases.


Whew! that was a lot I know but I had to establish a baseline for the rest of what I am about to write.

So what do we know? we know that it can be hard for someone with any of the topic issues to get the help they need from so called professionals. Whether it be because they were alienated by DRs who really have no clue what they are doing, or because the professionals gave them a bandaid to silence the problem only for it to erupt in a much larger problem later in life.

So if this person cannot get the help they need from professionals where do their cries for help turn? Family? Friends?

Cries for help come in many different forms, retreat, arguing/fighting, pushing people away, it's usually because the person themselves doesn't understand what is going on and more often than not does not know that is the reason for their behavior, its derived from a feeling of helplessness, feeling like people don't hear your pain.

People respond in less then helpful ways only making the depression worse. What about when a person finally realizes what is going on with them and decides to verbally seek help with friends and family? Do people respond the best? "Suck it up, you just have to focus on what you do have not what you don't have, you have absolutely no reason to feel the way you do, it's all in your head, I'm sorry I wish there was something I could do to help, you just need to take XYorZ pill."

Now Suicidal people, and I'm not talking about the my mom died and I couldn't take it so i'll end my life type, but rather the incredibly strong individuals who despite all the pain they have bared continue living day in and day out trying to enjoy life as much as they can, the ones who have developed management skills to see each hurdle of their life through. These people have a much harder time reaching out to professionals because of many of the same issues that depressive types have but also due to the largely over-reactive health care system which responds to them like they fall into the my mom died so ill end it category.

When it comes to friends and family, these people can't win, the reactions are far worse than it is for the depressive types. "You are incredibly selfish to feel that is an option" well its not an option that's why they are still here. "I would never forgive you" That is like saying you should suffer for a lifetime so I don't feel the pain of your loss. Reality is these people just need understanding and love and more so need to get to the root of what is causing these feelings. Is it they feel alone, that no one hears their cries? for these people, they just want understanding and to live and not be treated like some headcase that is going to end it tomorrow. Good management skills and understanding from friends and family would go along way for these types.


Transsexualism is a whole other animal, many of us are faced with multiple and some cases all of these issues if not more. I really think acceptance is the key with any of these things, to be accepted by those around you for being who you are regardless of what it is you are struggling with, would go along way as far as getting better. Unfortunately for the transsexual, acceptance is a lot further from reality than any of the other conditions.

Many of us are faced with people who turn their backs on us, people who pretend to be accepting or supportive but truly are just in it for the right of gossip, we experience snide remarks and being treated like we were some phony relationship built on a stack of lies. Honestly a fresh start with a new life is probably the easiest path for someone who has finally come to terms with being transsexual.

I want to touch back for a moment on the finding the root cause of the problem, not just masking it with a bandaid, A couple years ago I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder on top of my social anxiety disorder. This was well beyond what I had experienced in the previous years, before my anxiety was only during social atmospheres, going to a store, work, out with friends, the nightmare would only end when I was alone, at my house, boat, fishing etc. That all changed one day, I had no escape. It did not matter if I was home, my head was going round and round about anything and everything. I had a whole new set of anxieties it really didn't matter what it was I was constantly stressing out about it with everything on replay in my head over and over. My only escape was sleep, but if I was awoken, it didn't matter how little sleep I had I could not go back to sleep because the anxiety quickly take over, the sleep deprivation from this only made it worse.

I lived this way for a couple years and then something happened, I became honest with myself about the feelings I have had for so many years. It didn't happen over night, but the more I realized and got past all the self hate, there came along self acceptance and acceptance from my wife.... something magical happened to me over the next few days.... I realized my generalized anxiety was gone, there was a calmness and peace once again. I still get anxiety when confronted with situations that come up do to loss of loved ones but it subsides and is not a constant battle going on in my head so I just chock it up to the body's normal reaction to stress ( A normal anxiety response ). I was eager to see if my social anxiety was affected as well so I went with the wife on a couple shopping trips but no such luck. Well that's one down and another to go, I hope one day I can find peace within social situations but I do not know if that is in the stars for me.

My wife's friend started her transition a while back and right now is in and out of impatient care at the local VA mental health facility for suicidal thoughts. She is having a hard time coping with what my wife described to me is social anxiety disorder. She did not previously have this nor do I think she has even been diagnosed with it or understands that is what she is going through. I went about reading up on transgender and social anxiety disorder and found this is a common thing for people to get after transition. I feel really bad for her and really do not even know how I could offer words of advice because I understand all of the stress that transitioning brings, learning to cope with a new social anxiety disorder at the same time is not something for even the strongest of people.

It took years to develop my coping skills and come to terms of living with social anxiety, understanding from others is not what she is going to get. In fact I found over the years even people with mild forms of social anxiety can be judgmental towards those with severe social anxiety disorder because they think they some how understand what the other person is going through even though their walk is a cakewalk in comparison. What do you tell a person in her shoes who has just began understanding their transsexualism? What words of encouragement could you give when the stress of transitioning is already so much but now they must struggle with a whole other daemon?

What does all this mean for a person who has social anxiety disorder pre transition? Does it mean there is no hope for their social anxiety disorder if they transition? Or can we as a society bring peace for all walks of life through basic understanding regardless of not walking in the other persons shoes?

Think About it.

Mod Edit:Language

Well well extremely well said. Education others is key. Then comes understanding and acceptance.

I didn't read every bit, but I can certainly relate to the topic! My high IQ is rather high, although I don't think I have a low social IQ, whatever that is... and I suffered from massive anxiety throughout my childhood and up until I transitioned along with colorblind depression. My anxiety has since disappeared, and my depression is greatly lessened. I wish I would have known why I had anxiety, but I never really questioned it, or even knew that it was anxiety. This is why I'm a firm believer in education regarding mental health.

I also have ADHD, although that's separate, and I must say that without my medicine, it's extremely difficult to do much of anything in my daily life.

It's Emotional IQ (EQ), you should definitely look into it as I am pretty sure it relates to just about anyone who has suffered through mental illness, in fact it is pretty rare that someone with a high IQ and high EQ ends up with anxiety disorders.

As far as ADHD we have a teenage son (it runs in the family) his symptoms after medication were far worse then before he ever started. Sure the medication makes him tolerable to be around but being around him without his medication is far worse than it was before he ever took it. That coupled with the fact that larger and larger doses and stronger and stronger meds are needed over time is why many experts say that ADHD medications are a bandaid used to treat the symptom and should not be used. Many other experts go as far as saying that ADHD medication and the huge push from DR's over the past decade was due to pressures from pharmaceutical companies in an effort to target children and turn them into life long customers. There has been many documentaries of ex-pharm reps blowing the whistle on what they call a conspiracy in which behind closed doors they label the DRs as their drug whores for ADHD medication.

Oops, that's what I meant yes! I need some sleep. Haha. I'm pretty rare in a lot of ways honestly, so I wouldn't be surprised if I fall outside of the norms for typical IQ and EQ correlation.

I'm sorry to hear that they didn't work for your son. I have the inattentive type, so perhaps that has something do with my results. Different medicines do work differently as well however. That being said, there is a real chemistry at play that allows these medicines to work, so I would be rather weary of conspiracy theories. Unfortunately everyone is a bit different when it comes to their exact biological functioning and makeup, so different medicines work for different people. I can only vouch for my experience, and in my experience, medicine has been a blessing, and it allows me to focus, eliminates my brain fog, and let's me function properly in my life.

As a person with social anxiety disorder from a very young age I think it is down to many factors, some of which can be changed and anticipated and some which can't.

For example as a child I wasn't socialized with other kids until age 7. Just like with animals, if you don't socialize people to other humans early, they can have difficulty dealing with others, and I did. Although I overcame that problem eventually and can socialize with the best of them now, I still don't form bonds or trust with others easily or quickly. That in itself causes social anxiety and I personally think that once a person with social anxiety is introduced into a certain environment - unless that environment is nurturing, forgiving of the anxious person's anxiety and welcoming - that anxiety will continue and continue and continue until you leave that environment. I had it all through school and school was a bad experience for me. I didn't know what to do with the other kids and they didn't know what to do with me, so I segregated myself from them. For almost all of my school life. Once that situation sets in, without a change of people and environment it just doesn't go away. I may also have been somewhere on the autistic spectrum at that point - I really don't know but it took a long time to understand the way other people interact, pick up on the appropriate cues and make others feel at ease etc. Lacking that knowledge as a kid and then being punished for not having it didn't help, nor did being trans.

Then a person can fall into a rut of not socializing because it's "easier" which I did for a while, making social situations generally tense and unpleasant just because you are not accustomed to them. Then there's the danger trans people are in anyway in everyday life just by virtue of being trans people.

I learned recently after suffering hypothyroidism temporarily that hormones play a huge role in anxiety. Missing my usual levels of hormones due to the illness, my anxiety went into overdrive. Felt a constant "impending doom" feeling, panicked about my future, even to the extent of just wanting out of the country I was in, change of place change of job, change of life... and this was definitely the work of the hormones and not some thought process of mine; I never suffered panic attacks, or any kind of anxiety similar to it before. I would say at the moment I no longer have social anxiety disorder after many years dealing with it, but I have developed generalized anxiety for sure. I feel something terrible is going to happen at any moment that will ruin my life, and my thoughts stray to it often no matter how much I try to control them. I do think in this case it's hormonal rather than situational.   

I knew for a long time that the drugs the doctors throw at people do not help unless the type of anxiety you have is not situational. Even then I also agree that they don't really know what they are doing and we are still guinea pigs at this stage. And as you say there is often resistance from other people that you suffer at all; your anxiety is invisible to them. My parents seem completely convinced I had a happy childhood and wanted for nothing yet I remember clear as day how often people in the family would comment on how I always seemed kind of miserable and bemused and didn't make friends easily - it should have been visible a mile off. Just wishful thinking by my parents I suppose.

I did try in 2000-2001 time to speak to a counselor and doctor about my depression and anxiety, but I found it almost useless. I knew I needed to change my situation as that was causing the majority of my issues, and when I did I resolved many of those anxiety related problems. I haven't been back to a medical professional since about anything related to mental health excepting my gender dysphoria which does have a resolution at least. I figure there's nothing they can do for me that I cannot do myself through sheer force of will and determination. If it means a chase through life to find the right balance of elements, or constantly changing my scenery to cope, then that's how it will go. I just do not see how these counselors and therapists can really help other than to aid in figuring out what the problems might be... when you already know your problems, there's only self-help from there?