So I go to the local gay bar but am having a hard time meeting people. Someone will occasionally talk to me and I might get one guy to approach me for a dance but they do not last. I think it is partly my pre-Tness causing shyness as I don't want a gay guy freaking out if they think a lesbian is coming up to them. I also cannot tell if a guy already has a boyfriend or not. Guys will dance with guys and I do not know if they are together or just friends. Some guys dance with girls so I do not know if they are with them or it is some secret gay-lesbian dance going on. This has caused a lot of dancing by myself and I haven't been able to break that boundary with myself to just get in the middle of a group. The guys are also very feely in the crotch area (with their hands and their own dicks) and it makes me think I should get a packer just for when I go to the club. Last time I went I was dancing with an older guy and stated I was a guy and his friend that was a girl copped a feel of my chest. It did not bug me but I am not getting pegged correctly and I do not think looking as a 12 year old boy at best is helping.

I think I am looking for others experiences in these situations to determine what I should do to find a special guy. I have found that there is a big difference between a guy talking to me just being friendly and one that actually wants to be with me. I haven't been able to tell the difference.

Depending on where you are in your transition, if you look very young, other guys might shy away for fear of getting caught with a juvenile. A packer might help you pass if the contact is only through clothes, or, you can just say that you aren't ready for that or are unsure. Even saying that you have a boyfriend but are just out for fun may keep them from getting so handsy.

It wouldn't surprise me though if a lot of what you are getting is just the reaction to the age you appear to be. For the first couple of years after my transition, there were people who thought I was fourteen, and by then I was 28. It takes a while for you to catch up in looks to your chronological age. I'm fifty two and have some gray hair, but people still think I'm in my thirties. Just try and chill.

sam1234

That might be part of it, we get young guys and those with a head full of white hair. I have a terrible time guessing ages. They card at the door on busy nights and card for drinks. If I am sitting there with a drink they would have to assume I am at least 21? Maybe I should carry my drink around more? Though it is just strawberry something in a cup. I don't care for beers.

I went clubbing pretty religiously in college, and I work as a consultant for a lot of nightclubs and bars now so I have a bit of experience even though I'm not a huge fan anymore. What's the location like where you are? Rural, suburbs, city, etc. Geographic area would be helpful if you're willing to share, but not necessary. Rural gay bars have a totally different feel that ones in more populous areas.

Girls at a gay bar are complicated. Either they are some degree of L or B, or they are just there to dance in a place where they won't be bothered by dudes. If you are not a creepy looking dude and you don't get handsy, girls are usually down to dance with you in a gay bar. At least in my experience. That is why you'll often see guys and girls dancing together there. They are usually pretty friendly too. If you are looking for a quick way to get in with a cute guy, go talk to the girls that he's hanging out with and tell them you think he's cute. They will help you out.

The gays are a feely people. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable without a packer in that situation. I don't really see it as false advertising. More so breaking down a potential barrier.

Have you thought about maybe trying to meet people online and then suggesting it as a meeting place? Maybe even specifically making a post saying that's what you're looking for. And to that end, what are you looking for? You could have a lot of luck making new friends or finding a hook up in a bar, but I've never known anyone who found something long lasting. So if that is your goal, I'd find another way to pursue it.

I guess I would call the area a suburb of the city. The skyscrapers are further down the road. This area is known as a gay area. Saturday nights the dance floor can get pretty packed. It is the type of place where you could not go in for months and the bartenders will still remember you and not card you again.

I have tried okcupid but it doesn't do squat for me. I just want a hot guy to date and maybe it would turn into long term. If not long term then maybe he would be a good friend that would do activities with me that generally are pretty lonely by myself.

Yeah, that sounds like it would be a good environment for meeting people. You may just have to put yourself out there and introduce yourself to someone!

Are you familiar with the meetup.com? Here is the link: http://www.meetup.com/ 

This is basically a search engine, where you can find many groups organized around interests and/or gender identity (for example, queer/gay meetups) in your living area. These are social groups that can be a refreshing alternative/addition to a bar scene.   

I have tried that site and went to a couple gamer meet ups. I find going to one of those groups for the first time can be more nerve wrecking than wanting to dance with someone. The groups I looked at but did not join are up north farther than I really want to travel. The ones I have been to the guys are older or married already.

I just found out that the bar is going to be doing linedancing lessons every sunday so I think I will try to get in on that and meet someone, or maybe one of them guys will have a cute friend.

Good luck! The meetup com. worked for me. I am living in a college town, though, so this might a bit different...